


Parting Ways More Than Once

by wherenonagoes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-03
Updated: 2012-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-13 10:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 53,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherenonagoes/pseuds/wherenonagoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel and Dean meet at eight, and a beautiful friendship starts. Neither of them know it will grow to be tested over vast amounts of time as they are separated over and over, and at last, both claim they can't handle it again. But one will have to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd. Also lots of parts because I do what I want.

The sun came through Castiel's curtains as his sister parted them, and he rubbed his eyes as he sat up. "Anna, what is it?" He scratched his head after that, his sister almost bouncing off of the walls. "Daddy says that we have new neighbors!" With that she was running out of the room, her red hair following behind her. Castiel blinked, wondering just who could have moved in next door. 

Their neighborhood was extremely small, and in a secluded part of town, their house having the majority of the property on the street. Castiel knew that the closest house with a vacancy was still a bit down the street, so why Anna would be all excited, he didn't know. He got out of bed, walking out of his room and into the long hallway where his other siblings and cousins slept. It seemed as though most of them were waking up as well, rubbing their eyes as they exited their rooms. Anna had gotten to them too it seemed. His older brothers walked up to him, Gabriel in the front, his eyes squinted as he looked towards the end of the hallway.

"Hey, Cassie, you know what's going on?" "Anna has told me that a family has moved in next door, and she seems excited," Cas then walked down the hallway, holding the end of his sleeve as he rubbed his eyes. The great room in the front of the house was filled with his family as they all mingled. It was times like these that Castiel wished they were normal, that it would only be his parents and siblings, but that had never been much of an option. He was the smallest there next to Anna and Inias, and he sat near them. "Why are we making a big deal out of this?" Castiel asked his sister, looking out the front window towards the now sold house. "They have kids! And daddy said that if we want to go over that he needs to talk to everyone first," she nodded her head, making her way through the other children. 

As he looked over the great room, he noticed that Luke was missing, most likely still asleep, not liking to spend time with the family. It grew quiet as his father raised his hand, his aunts and uncles standing next to him. "The family that has moved in has two sons, and it would be overwhelming for us all to go over, so Aunt Hester is going to make some lunch and dessert and then invite them over instead. I want rooms cleaned, and everyone bathed before then, okay? You've got four hours." With that, the family dispersed, Castiel watching as they all retreated to their rooms, most of them needing to deeply clean, having gotten back from church camp only a couple days prior. 

Their house was simple looking, at least Castiel thought the three story, old victorian building was. The stairs had hand rails freshly polished the week before, and the chandelier hanging over the foyer was sparkling in the morning sun. He walked upstairs, the third floor, towards the east corner, where he and the younger ones slept. Being only seven had its disadvantages, but at least he was surrounded by the other children his own age. 

As he reentered his room he sighed. It was small and plain compared to the others, but that was how he liked it. He had a small bookcase, mostly filled with religious books and other small picture books his brothers and sisters had given him. Castiel had already bathed the night before, so it was only cleaning and dressing for him. He picked out a nice pair of pants and shirt, laying them on his bed after making it. That was when there was pounding on his door.

Gabriel barged in, "Castiel! I need help with my room, because if I don't mom and dad are gonna kill me." He knew his brother had a messy room, but the fact that it had already sunken to where he could not do it without help? Castiel just stared at his brother for a moment, then followed Gabriel into his room. At nine, his brother had already gained the reputation of being the messiest in the family, and he seemed to be proud of that. 

Upon entering said room, Castiel groaned, unable to bear what his brother seemed to thrive in. "Start with getting everything off the ground, we'll go from there." It started with that, and Castiel began sorting dirty and clean clothing, folding the clean, and piling the dirty. That was how Castiel spent the first three hours of their allotted time. 

It was almost time for Hester to go over and invite the new family when Castiel was finally able to change into his own clothes and gather himself before heading downstairs. The rest of his siblings were sitting in the great room again, just watching some cartoons as they waited for the family to come over. He was about to sit down as well when his father waved him over. "Castiel, could you take out the trash for me?" He nodded, and his father rubbed his hair, smiling as Castiel took the large garbage bag. He walked outside of the door, towards the garbage bin, and hoisted it in after opening the top. Clapping his hands together to get any stray dirt off, he looked around. 

His aunt was walking towards the house, another women with bright blonde hair holding a child as another walked beside her holding her hand. They were smiling while they talked and continued towards their house. They stopped in front, and Hester smiled to Castiel. "Hello, I'm Castiel," he held his hand out towards the woman, who smiled, letting go of the child, who seemed to be about his age. "Hello Castiel, I'm Mary, and these are my sons," she let the one in her hands down, and he looked to be about two or three. "I'm Sam," the boy with darker brown hair said. He stayed by his mother, the other confronting him, his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm Dean," he said, eyeing Castiel, as if weighing him in his head. 

"Come on, Castiel. You can play later, they're coming in for lunch," Hester took his hand and walked him inside, Mary and her children following. Everyone was in the foyer, and Castiel glanced over towards Dean as he got a full view of his family. They all seemed a bit shocked that so many people lived there, and hadn't expected it. Introductions took place, and most of the older children seemed to not be interested, retreating to the dinning room. Castiel followed suit, taking his place near the end of the table. The rest of the family finally made their way there too, saying grace before passing the food around. 

Dean came in half way through, and took the empty seat next to Castiel, looking around the table. "Someone said there would be pie?" Eating some green beans off of his plate, he nodded his head. "Can I get any?" Castiel swallowed, placing his fork down. He didn't see a problem in getting Dean pie, so he got down from his chair and walked into the kitchen, Dean following behind him. The refrigerator, which looking at now was probably the kind held in restaurant kitchens, opened easily, and Castiel saw the two pies and asked which one Dean preferred. "Is there apple in there?" Castiel looked at them and nodded, and Dean smiled. He then pulled it out and took the slicer and cut a nice piece for Dean, placing it on a small porcelain plate and handing it to him. 

They sat at the counter and Castiel just watched as Dean happily dug into the pie. It was when his mother walked in that he realized he probably should have asked if Dean could have some pie before everyone else. "Castiel!.. Castiel Silas, please come here right now," he gulped and looked at Dean, who just swallowed quickly. "Sorry," he said before getting down from the table. Castiel walked to his mother, who, when finally out of eyesight, took him by the ear to his room. "Young man, you should have asked, it wasn't right to give Dean the pie without others being served as well. You can stay here until tomorrow. Hester will be up with your dinner later," with that, his mother left him in his room. 

He rushed to his window, which faced the front of the house. He watched as Dean was being dragged back home by his own mother, though he turned and seemed to spot Castiel and waved. He waved back and found himself smiling. That was the first of many times he got into trouble because of Dean Winchester.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel loves the birthday present Dean got him, but he doesn't get to enjoy it for long.

Castiel woke up to knocking on his door, and he sighed. Only one person knocked anymore, and he swung his legs over his bed as he rubbed his eyes. "Come in," he said and saw the maid who kept her gaze low to the ground. "Thank you Mrs. Harrison," he stood and stretched, only to be startled as a rock hit his window. He looked down to see Dean, and sighed. He had just gotten over his last grounding for taking a sip of Dean's beer when he had been over, which Dean had also gotten in trouble for as he had stolen it from his father, and he wasn't quite ready to get in trouble again. He dressed quickly in pants and a shirt, hurrying downstairs. Even if Dean could do nothing but get him in trouble, he would still prefer his friendship over anyone else. 

The house was empty now, except for his aunt, Gabriel, and Anna. Everyone had left, and his aunt had become more and more protective. His parents and other siblings and relatives had all grown, and left. Their parents were on missionary leave for three more years, and everyone else had gone off to private schools or whatever they liked. Luke had run away, and his brother Michael hadn't been the same after, leaving not far behind. Inias was at a catholic boarding school in England with their older cousin, Balthazar. Raphael, Zachariah, and Uriel were all off to college, their parents gone off as well. The house was indeed empty. 

Dean was the only one who had stayed, and after five years of both of them getting in trouble, it was safe to say he was always staying. He tiptoed past the foyer, Gabriel passed out under the table. At 12, he was the most active member of the family. He opened the door and closed it behind him, Dean waiting with his arms crossed. The boy was a bit taller than him, his light brown hair matted to his forehead with sweat already, and his freckles standing out on his tanned cheeks. His greens eyes spoke of some kind of happiness, and Castiel thought that maybe he was getting too familiar with his best friend. 

"Took you long enough, Cas," Dean smiled and started to run back to his place, Cas following him. The summer was quite mild compared to the last few, and it meant that there would be less fires. He walked into the familiar house, and seeing Sam, he smiled and waved. John, Dean's father (who had been deployed when the family originally moved), was sleeping on a reclining chair, a bottle of beer laying on its side as they made their way to the backyard. 

Once there, Castiel stopped, just staring at the tree Dean and him had climbed so many times. Where they used to just sit and talk was now completely redone, a treehouse in its place. "Dean, when did you do this?" He looked to his friend, who was just looking at him, his wide smile showing his pearly white teeth. "While you were away last week. I thought it'd be a good birthday present, since you were visiting family for that." He blinked a bit, and looked again. "This is my birthday present? You've never gotten me anything other than a card before," he felt strangely warm, and walked closer to the tree. 

"I know, and I was startin' to feel bad because you always got me awesome gifts, especially after... you know," it was an unspoken thing, the fire that had killed Dean's mother only weeks after they moved. Both Sam and Dean had stayed at their house while John was sent home. It had been hard, and it had given Castiel and Dean a good foundation for their friendship. The house was newly built, and the tree hadn't been touched, so it was something. 

"It's wonderful. We should go up there though," he then placed his hand on the lowest branch, pulling himself up. Dean was climbing up right after him. The tree was tall enough that once he was in the wooden box he could see his house down the street. Dean was behind him, looking out the small window as well. "This is amazing, though I should probably eat breakfast before we do anything else. I'm rather hungry." He started to climb down when Dean shouted something, "Watch out for that branch! It's not that stable-" there was a large crack and it broke, Castiel falling towards the ground. 

Truthfully, Cas didn't remember much after he was rushed to the hospital, pain blocking every other sense he had. Everything was blurry in his vision, and he just bit his lip as he was moved around until finally his head stopped spinning. He was sitting in a room at the hospital, his head fogged with pain medication as Dean walked in to see him. "Hey Cas. Uh, sorry about the whole thing. I shoulda' put a rope latter up before we actually you know... climbed it," he was avoiding Castiel's gaze and Cas sighed. "It's okay Dean. It was my fault for not checking my footing." "No, Cas. Don't blame yourself. I mean, you've got your arm and leg done up, and I feel down right awful and-" he was cut off as Hester ran into the room. 

"Castiel! Are you alright?! John didn't come and get me until you were already here a few hours. Oh, my baby, you must be awful," Castiel's aunt was right by his bedside, pushing Dean away from the chair. "I'm quite fine, auntie. Just... just in a bit of pain." "I can't believe those Winchesters let you get hurt. We'll get a restraining order and everything, don't you worry." Cas blinked, and looked to Dean, who was just as shocked. "Hester, I wouldn't-" "Castiel, don't speak. You're just dizzy and confused. I can't believe they let this happen, oh, Castiel," Hester was crying now, and Dean was standing by the door, his face contorted in his own kind of pain as he left. Castiel watched after him, no longer listening to his aunt. 

The next week he had casts on, and was lying in bed, a book in his hands. He hadn't seen Dean since the hospital, and he missed him. His siblings were told to leave him alone, and Hester had sent letters to his parents saying he had gotten injured. He was straining his ears though, hoping Dean would somehow get through all the house and come and talk to him. Somewhere else in the house he heard the phone ring, and his breath caught. There was then a pounding on his door, and Gabriel burst in. "Hey Cassie, guess who's on the phone?" "Dean?" "You betcha', now you better hurry before Auntie Hester finds out."

With that Gabriel handed Castiel the phone and left the room, closing the door behind him. He brought the phone to his ear and gulped. "Dean?" "Hey Cas, it's good to hear from you. Are you alright?" "I'm fine, though still in some pain. I'm quite upset with what my aunt did. I'm sorry that I can't see you anymore." "Don't worry about it, Dad was looking at another house somewhere else anyways." "What? You mean you're moving, again?" There was a silence that dropped over them, and Castiel couldn't believe this was happening. "We're not sure yet, but Dad's pretty pissed off that Hester put a restraining order on us, and so quickly too. "

"You're not allowed to move... surely... surely your father doesn't have that kind of money?" He knew this was a soft spot for Dean to talk about, but Castiel didn't want his best friends to leave, even if he wasn't legally allowed to interact with him. "Cas... he lost his job the other day, and the easiest thing at this point would be to... would be to go somewhere else. Damn it," Dean was trying to hold it in, it was easy for Castiel to tell, since he knew his best friend, and how he hid things. "We can still... We can still talk somehow.. Dean, I don't know what I would do without you.. Hester is becoming so protective, and she claims that you have somehow ruined me.. and you're my only real friend, Dean." It grew silent again, Castiel knowing that Dean didn't really have a way with words when it came to emotions and feelings. "I know, " Dean said, his voice sounding choked. 

There was a shot downstairs, and Castiel's heart lurched, knowing his time talking to Dean was almost up. "Just make sure to send me letters or something, so I know you're still alive.. if you move that is.... Hester is coming upstairs," Gabriel came through the door as Castiel said this, and was looking frantic. "Okay, fine, deal. Cas... I really am sorry." The call was ended with that and Castiel threw the phone to Gabriel, who ran out of the room after closing the door. At least he had gotten to talk to Dean before they were completely separated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is in his junior year of highschool, and prom is coming up.

Entering high school had not been Castiel's favorite moment. He was now in his homeroom of his junior year, sitting in the back as he read over the book they had had to finish the night before. The end of the semester was coming quick, and their finals were next week. Everything seemed normal, though Castiel still felt as though he had a hole in his chest. It had been five years since he last saw Dean, and the last time he had heard anything from him was a couple months earlier. This Friday happened to be the one before junior prom, and he had yet to be asked, or to ask, though he was going with a group of friends. He had avoided getting a date, given his preferences in people, or person really.

Their teacher walked in, and he closed his book. "We have a new student, now come on in and introduce yourself," Mr. Turner waved towards the door, and everyone looked. Castiel's heart stopped as he saw the new student. "My name's Dean Winchester," the boy said, and Castiel couldn't believe his eyes or ears. His best friend had moved back into town, and he wasn't alone. "Okay, Winchester, now take the empty seat and I'll call roll." Dean walked back, taking the seat next to Castiel. He looked towards his former best friend, not knowing if they still stood in the same place. 

Homeroom was over quickly, and Castiel hadn't talked to Dean, who seemed to be absorbed in his own thoughts. He was walking towards his next class when Dean stopped him, his hand on Cas's shoulder. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know a Castiel Novak, would you?" Dean smirked, and Castiel couldn't keep from smiling as he looked at his best friend. The next thing he did was punch him in the arm. "Where have you been, and there is no excuse for not emailing me," he held his textbooks in front of him, faking a glare at Dean who only chuckled. "We were moving around a lot... and uh, actually. My Dad's... uh, gone. I came back here with Sammy to see if we could uh, stay at your house for a bit. Until I can get a job and make enough money to get an apartment."

Castiel stared at his friend, and the bell suddenly rang. "What class do you have first?" "Auto Shop, why?" "Ugh, well, meet me in the library during lunch, okay?" "Okay, but Cas, what's going on?" "I need to get to class, or Mr. Anderson will kill me, now go!" Castiel was jogging to his own class, only daring a glance back to where Dean was standing. He still couldn't believe this was happening, and he hoped that it was all real. 

Lunch didn't come soon enough, and Castiel could barely keep his head on straight. Sam and Dean were back, and he hoped Hester didn't harbor the ill will towards them still. It was only him and his Aunt now, since Anna had gone off to some all girl boarding school after finishing middle. His parents were due back again, having left only a couple months after their return several years ago. He whipped through the halls as lunch came though, almost tripping several times as he made his way to the library. Castiel waited outside, catching his breath as he waited for Dean. Hopefully he hadn't been daydreaming, because it wouldn't be the first time. 

Dean came walking around the corner and Castiel sighed in relief, happy that he hadn't been seeing the whole thing. "Hey Cas, you look worried," Dean commented as they entered the library, walking into the depths of the book covered room, trying to obtain some sort of privacy. They sat down on a couch and Castiel pulled a paper bag out of his backpack, and took a sandwich out along with a bag of chips and a brownie that he had made the night before. Dean didn't have anything, and Casitel handed him the brownie and chips. "Dean, I don't know if that would be wise, staying at my place that is. But seeing as the house is almost completely empty.. it's just me and Hester, it would be better. You two could hide in one of my siblings' rooms, and I could bring you food. You'd have to sneak around.. I'm afraid she still hates you and gets the restraining order renewed every year." 

"Are you for real?" Dean seemed astonished, and Castiel nodded his head, taking a bite of his sandwich silently. His aunt was not one who easily forgot when her favorite nephew broke two limbs. "Unfortunately. I'm sure it will work out though. Wait... Dean.. how did you get here?" Dean shifted in his seat. "The Impala. Dad was gone, so I guess it's mine, right?" "Do you have your license?" Dean shifted again, "I was about to sign up to take the test." Castiel sighed, taking another bite. "You really are impossible, you know that?" "You wouldn't have me any other way," Dean smiled at this, and Castiel rolled his eyes, because he knew that to be true. 

They started talking about the years they had been gone, and Castiel described what being alone was like. "Man, that sorta sucks.. sorry I was gone so long. I would have been here if I could have," Dean looked apologetically at Cas, and he nodded. "I know, Dean. You expressed it many times when we were still conversing." Sad stories were traded and the bell finally rang. "Meet me by the Impala after school, I gotta pick up Sammy before we hit your place," Dean winked and was walking out of the library as Castiel watched after him. He really couldn't believe this was real, but he was happy that it was. 

Castiel headed to his own class, again being distracted. The object of his affections for the past three years, when he had realized he was indeed in love with Dean Winchester, was back, and he did not want to screw this up. No one really knew anything about his affections towards the older Winchester, as no one really remembered him. Then again, no one had known him very well, having secluded himself almost completely not counting the few friends he had made... really acquaintances more than friends. It was when he entered his fourth class, PE, that people started to bother him. 

"Hey Asstiel, it seems you got the hots for the new kid? Didn't know you were gay," it was Meg and Ruby. He had been stretching for their run when they walked over. He just ignored them, and continued stretching, thinking if he didn't react that he would be fine. Castiel thought wrong, as they walked over to others, seemingly spreading the rumor which was more truth than they thought. He was used to people either ignoring or making fun of him, but he never reacted enough to where people continued, he just hoped it didn't get worse or anything. 

More people seemed to sneer at him as he walked through the school though after that class, and endured his classes, none of which he had with Dean. It seemed that they would only have homeroom together, which was better than nothing. He walked out of his last period history class and towards the parking lot. It was all but impossible to miss the massive black Impala parked near the rear, and Dean was leaning on the door, looking around. Castiel smiled and walked over towards the passenger seat. "Ready?" Cas nodded and entered the car, pushing his bag by his feet as the engine started. 

On the way to the middle school, Cas looked around the vehicle. The only other time he had been in it was when he had broken his arm and leg, and he could hardly remember that. "You will get your permit and license, right? As soon as you can?" "Alright, fine. Getting a ticket would be bad anyways," Dean chuckled as he pulled in front of the middle school. They waited in silence as Sam came running from his last classroom, his face flushed and his breathing labored. "You alright Sammy?" The boy in question was staring at Castiel. "I'm fine, Dean.. Castiel?" He seemed a bit put off by the young Novak being there, but Cas just smiled and nodded. It went like that, and they talked as they drove to Castiel's house. 

"Are you serious? You kissed her didn't you?" Dean was smiling from ear to ear at hearing that his brother had finally grown a pair. "You've only been here three days, Sasquatch," he play punched his brother in the arm, and Castiel remembered them being like this before they had moved. "So? Jess is real smart, and it doesn't matter if I kissed her or not, Dean." They stopped talking as they made it to Cas's house. The building loomed over them, as their salvation and their doom. "Hester works until five, so we have about an hour and a half," Castiel took a key from his pocket and opened the door, letting the Winchesters in. 

"This place is still amazing, but it looks more dusty," Dean said, wiping his finger across the coat rack, bringing it back looking quite gray. "Hester couldn't trust Miss Harrison, so she fired her. My aunt has developed a lot of trust issues in general, even with me," he closed the door behind them and showed them the way to his room in case they had forgotten. 

As they entered, Castiel wished he had known about them before, so he could have tidied up. "Um, I'll get some rooms ready for you, close to a bathroom, and away from the front of the house. Just.... uh, stay here in case someone comes home," this was one of the first times Castiel actually felt nervous about something. He rushed from the room, going further back into the house, and on his floor since the adults used to stay on the second, and found some rooms. They used to be Uriel's and Joshua's, and they were stripped bare except the beds were made. Castiel made sure they were completely clean before rushing back to his room to find Sam and Dean were no longer there. 

He searched the house and found them in the kitchen, looking through the fridge. "Sorry, Cas. Haven't really eaten anything but takeout the last couple weeks," and Dean's guilty face washed away any anger that might have been growing. "It's fine, but you'll need to not do it again. Hester usually likes taking out her feelings in cooking, so she's often in here." Things were understood from there. 

When night came, and Hester had already retired to her room, Castiel sneaked into the kitchen, taking the two pies his aunt had made that afternoon, and brought them to Sam and Dean, one to each. "You're a godsend, Cas. I was starving," Dean said this around a mouthful of cherry pie, his face stuffed more than he would care to admit. "It was nothing, she usually doesn't eat them and just sells them anyways, she won't miss them," Cas couldn't help but blush though at thinking that Dean was truly happy to be here. "We'll go to school tomorrow, and I'll make sure to pack lunches for you and Sam," and Castiel was about to leave Dean with his pie before he made a noise. 

"What is it Dean?" The older Winchester swallowed his bite and shook his head a bit. "I heard prom was this Saturday, you planning on going?" This one simple question should not have beenm enough to elicit this much emotion from Castiel, and his cheeks instantly grew red as he shook his head no. "Why not? I heard Meg was going, and didn't you used to like her? Back in middle school?" The little infatuation he had had with Meg hadn't lasted long, but apparently long enough to leave an impression. "I just didn't think it right of me to go... and I rather dislike Meg at the moment." Dean nodded his head. "Well, you'll just have to go with me, I don't know anyone, and maybe you could be my wingman, so we can pick up some dateless girls." Castiel didn't think it possible for hope to be dashed so quickly, but he only nodded his head, knowing that it would be impossible to argue, not without revealing how he really felt. 

The next few days went by quickly, giving Castiel no time to properly find anything to wear to prom. He ended up just wearing his father's old white suit, and Dean wore Michael's old dark green, though he had objected heavily. They drove up in the Impala, Sam in the backseat, a book in his hands. "You sure you'll be fine just waiting here?" Dean asked, turning around to face his little brother. This had been the ninth time he'd asked him this, and Sam nodded. "I'll be fine, and it's better than hoping Misses Novak doesn't find me at home," and it was left at that. 

Castiel and Dean walked into the huge gymnasium, and the Novak almost crumbled to the ground there. His whole junior class, plus the few seniors and sophomores who were there with dates, were there. It meant no hiding, and it meant he was going to lose whatever game he had been trying to keep up. Dean didn't seem phased, and just walked right into the throng of people, taking Castiel's hand to lead him through. They stopped when Castiel pulled back on Dean's hand, seeing his small group of acquaintances. 

Jo, Ash, and Pamela all stood in a small circle, facing outwards to the other people. They spotted him almost immediately, and Ash waved. Dean noticed them and walked forward to be right in front of Jo. Of course this only hurt Castiel more, but he knew that Dean would probably be into girls anyways. He stood by Ash who just seemed to be missing his bottle of beer. "So, you lose your date already?" the other boy asked, and Castiel shook his head quickly, his face feeling hotter. "He's not my date, just my ride. He talked me into coming actually," hopefully that gave off the vibe that he didn't like Dean. Ash didn't seem to buy it. "Whatever man, but I wouldn't let him get so close to Jo, not when she's waiting for someone else," Ash motioned towards another boy who was just a few yards away, and walking towards them. Castiel couldn't remember who he was, and just pulled on Dean's sleeve. 

The night went alright, except for that fact that Castiel was pulled around by Dean as he flirted with almost all the girls in their class. They were just exiting the gymnasium, some of the last people behind them, and Dean stopped, pulling Castiel away from the crowd a bit until he was leaning against a wall. "So what's wrong?" Castiel tilted his head in confusion, not quite understanding what Dean was talking about. "You've been silent all night, and you didn't even talk to any of the girls. What? None of them your type?" This was the big moment, and Castiel leaned on the wall next to Dean, staying silent. "Cas?" Dean tried to catch his gaze, but he just kept staring at his shoes. "Girls aren't really my type, Dean," it came out easier than expected, if a bit rushed, and he kept himself from facing his friend, hoping he hadn't ruined anything. "Well, why didn't you say so? You could've probably hooked up with some other guy tonight. I probably made you miserable," the way in which Dean just accepted it almost threw Castiel back, and he stared at Dean, wide-eyed. "I didn't want to make you unhappy, and leave you in a mess of people you don't know or remember." Silence again. 

"Well, we should probably be heading back," Dean sighed and started walking towards the car, Castiel following him. The car ride home was noiseless, and Castiel wasn't sure if that was good or bad. He hoped they were all just tired, and that it wasn't awkward at all, as he'd been having a hard time telling the difference. They stopped just down the street from their house, and Castiel walked forward, Dean and Sam walking around back, waiting for him. He walked through the door to find Hester sitting on the table, waiting for him with a clock in her hands. 

"Castiel, dear. We're moving next week, to be closer to some family. We'll come back someday, I hope, but you need to pack your things. Gabriel will be here next week to drive you to the boarding school you'll be at your senior year. I hope you had a good night," Hester kissed him on the forehead, leaving him there. He was... leaving? When Dean had just come back? It wasn't fair, that just when he had almost given up ever finding his friend again, that he had come back, and now that was being stripped away. Castiel kept himself from crying, just staring blankly at the table his aunt had been sitting on before he remembered that he was supposed to let the Winchesters in the house. 

He did so, and kept quiet until Dean walked into his room to see the many suitcases lying open. "What's going on? You leaving me already?" he was laughing, but it was clearly forced. Neither of them wanted this. He only nodded his head and sat on his bed, unable to keep the stream of tears at bay any longer as they streamed down his face. Dean sat next to him and just stayed quiet. It was like that for about an hour. "I'll help you pack tomorrow," Dean whispered, getting up from the bed. Castiel pulled on his sleeve, looking up towards him, his eyes red and puffy. Dean stared back at him, his eyes glistening in the low moonlight as he tried to find the right words to say. 

That was when Dean leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead, only to lower a bit and have their lips meet briefly. "I'll see you later," the words were whispered against his mouth, and Castiel closed his eyes. The door closed, and he just fell back onto his bed. That was the first time Castiel truly felt that some part of him was slowly breaking away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is on his way to his new school.

Castiel was packed, and Gabriel was supposed to pick him up in an hour. He was just sitting outside by the door on his biggest suitcase. Dean and Sam had left before he woke up, without leaving a note or anything. It didn't help that Gabriel was early, parking his ridiculously expensive car outside the house. "Cassie! It's been about a year and a half, hasn't it?" Castiel only nodded his head and picked up his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder as he picked up his two bags. "Silent, huh? What happened? Auntie Hester put some sour cream in her pie instead of whipped cream?" Cas again didn't answer, and they just packed his things into the car, and left, heading north. That would be the last time he ever saw the house he had first kissed Dean in.

Halfway into the drive, Castiel took a shaky breath before he finally told him, "Dean came back last week." Gabriel stopped almost immediately, pulling over onto a dirt road. "Are you kidding me? That dick who you've been crushing on since forever just comes here out the blue? Where is he? Where'd he go?" Apparently it had been obvious that Castiel had liked Dean, and for a while too. "He came because his dad was gone, and he didn't know where else to go. He and Sam had been staying at our house, until this morning. They just left," he couldn't believe he was saying anything to Gabriel about it, but he was his closest brother. 

"Please tell me he confessed his undying love for you, and promised to come for you after school? Or after all his shit with his dad ends?" Gabriel was seething, and Castiel tried to shrink back into his seat. "He kissed me, once. That was it.... we didn't talk about it." "That bag of dicks. Cas, you gotta speak up! You gotta do something! I won't be here to protect you for the rest of your life!" "I know. Can we please not talk about it?" Gabriel nodded his head, veering back onto the road, speeding down the length of it for the rest of the trip. 

Gabriel just dropped him off at the school, and Castiel stood in front of the massive building. "Just call if you need anything. Hester, and some of us are in town. I'm leaving soon though, so here's your cell we got you, we already put everybody's number in for you. Just... we're here for you, me more than others," with that, Gabriel left, his car zooming off down the road, almost flying. The building in front of Castiel loomed over him, and he dreaded having to enter it. This was not going to be a good thing.

As he entered, there was an office, which he went to, checking in. "Castiel Novak? You have a call from someone," came one of the receptionists. Why wouldn't his family be calling his own phone? He walked over and took the phone, taking the long cord to get some sort of privacy. "Hello?" "Cas? Is that you?" It was Dean, and Castiel couldn't believe it. "Dean? Why... how are you calling?" "A pay phone in South Dakota. We're staying with one of my dad's old friends, and uh, I got a cell phone. Here's the number," he ran off the numbers, and Cas was sure to put them into his own phone. "I'll text you, alright? So you can get my number too. The receptionist is looking at me weirdly, I have to go." Castiel didn't want to hang up the phone, it was the last thing he wanted to do. "Alright, and Cas? Uh, I'll meet up with you sometime after you graduate. We'll meet and have a right good time, and everything, alright?" "Of course, Dean. I need to go. Good bye." "Bye, Cas."

He didn't know it then, but that would be the last time he heard from Dean or Sam Winchester for a very long time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a man seeking refuge ruins Castiel's long lived contentness.

Having just celebrated his twenty-sixth birthday, Castiel thought it was appropriate to relax, which meant going to work in his case. Seeing as he had nothing else to do, and he was rather tired of being around people who were constantly asking if he was okay, work was the best place. Castiel walked into the parking lot, his briefcase on his side, carrying the umbrella in the other as he made his way over to the library. It was a calm morning, except for the pouring rain. He wasn't expected into work this morning because of the mass funeral his family had had just last week, it was easy for him to just dismiss it though, as many of his family members hadn't even talked to him since they left when he was a child. 

Castiel unlocked the library, the place cold and dark till he turned on the lights and hurried over to the heater. He then took his station at the checkout table, and took his tan overcoat off, hanging it over the backside of his chair, and then he took his seat, waiting for a student, or other person to come through the front door with questions about whatever happened to be asked at a library. Opening his briefcase, he pulled a book out and started to read, as there weren't many people within the building that could bother him. 

There was then a flash of lightening, and thunder almost right afterward only minutes after he sat down, and he almost jumped out of his chair. The power flickered out, and he groaned, getting up to go see if he could somehow turn it back on. 

It seemed that the library though wasn't the only place without power, the entire block was, which meant many would come because of the back up generator Castiel had pressed their manager to get installed. He rushed to turn it on and make sure everything was hooked up correctly, so people would know the library was ready for the onslaught of momentary refugees. This was the fourth blackout in the last month due to storms, so people knew the drill. Castiel got the cafe opened up, even if he couldn't make any of the coffee, at least he would be able to sell them hot food. He looked to the front of the library to see people already filing in, cars being parked outside as families that lived close came to use the rest room, eat, and whatnot until the storm passed over. 

A few strangers Castiel didn't recognize entered the library as well, as there was a motel just down the road, which would have lost power too. "Castiel! Sorry I'm late! I thought you weren't supposed to be here?" It was Garth, the one who would usually run the cafe. The man barged in through the front door, his messy brown hair soaked, much like the rest of him. "Be glad I did, because this storm seems worse than the others," Castiel stepped back from behind the counter, handing Garth the apron, and heading back to his checkout station. 

People were now sitting in the small areas designated for such things, and some had taken to the individual aisles of books that no one seemed to like, the nonfiction, Castiel's favorite. He was bothered as people checked out books they had suddenly found interesting, and ones leaving to go to the mall instead of a small library on the edge of town, which he didn't mind. Garth kept busy, people asking for their coffee and hot sandwiches that they also provided in their small eating area.

It was around three in the afternoon that Castiel decided he needed to go home. His head hurt, and his body ached. Having ridden in an airplane for five hours the day before had taken its toll. He stood from his seat and stretched, putting his coat back on and gathering his things as the door was opened again, letting in a man only an inch or two taller than him. 

"Son of a bitch," the man muttered as he tried to shake the water off of his coat and hair, patting his legs to get his jeans somewhat dry too. Castiel paused as he saw the man, having to inspect him more. There was something strangely familiar. As the man looked up, Castiel's eyes widened. The man in question had short dirty blonde hair, and light green eyes, with freckles so light across his nose you could barely see them. This was either a dream, or Castiel was looking at Dean Winchester. Cas's heart stopped almost immediately as Dean looked at him, and walked forward. "Hey, is there a bathroom anywhere around here? Some towels?... Are you okay, dude?"

Castiel then realized that Dean was talking to him, and without a hint of recognition. "There are bathrooms just around the counter, and towels are underneath the sinks in there. Just be sure to fold them and place them back when you're done," he tried to make his voice sound normal, but he couldn't help the little shake he gave off. "Seriously, you okay?" "I'm quite fine, just a headache. Nothing I can't handle," he nodded to reaffirm himself and just kept walking, opening his umbrella and exiting the safe library in order to enter the hellish storm. 

The walk home was short, and as he expected, there was no power in his small little house. His cat, Mr. Cat, rubbed against his legs as he entered, and then scampered off somewhere. Castiel went straight to his room and fell on the bed, not bothering to take his clothes off. He had just seen Dean Winchester, at least he was pretty sure, after not talking to him for almost nine years. Either someone up high hated him, and that wasn't Dean he had seen, or someone cared enough to return the object of his affections for the past decade. It didn't matter though, because the man must have only been there today because he was traveling, which meant that he would certainly not see him again. Castiel just accepted that, as there was no need to get his hopes up. 

Castiel decided he needed to distract himself, so he picked up his cell phone and looked through the contacts. He quickly pressed send on the number he needed. "Hello?" came the british accent of his ex-boyfriend. "Crowley, are you free tonight?" "Castiel, look who's come crawling back! Of course I can make time for you, love. What do you need?" Castiel loathed that he had to do this, but it was the only thing he could really do to get his mind off of the man he thought dead, especially after hearing about his accident. "I need a distraction." "Oh, a distraction? I would love to help with that. I'll be over in fifteen to pick you up, and we'll be off to have the best night of your life since you left me for your library." The call ended there. Whatever distraction Crowley was going to offer didn't matter, as long as he forgot about Dean Winchester, and how he had broken his heart when he had just left, and had never even tried to contact him again. 

The fifteen minutes later, Castiel was waiting by the front door, looking out the window till he saw Crowley's Bentley round the corner. He placed Mr Cat on the ground and locked the door behind him, hurrying to enter into the passenger door. "So, what's gone and made you so upset?" Castiel stayed silent as the older man drove them back to his mansion on the other side of town. "I thought I saw Dean, today," he glanced at Crowley to see his expression, and was surprised to just see a smirk. "Seems your whole love life is just filled with sadness, darling. I could fix that for you, you know." They were now parked outside of the house, and Castiel sighed. "I would like that very much, Crowley." It picked up from there.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean realizes he's a dick.

Dean could have sworn the guy who had just left was Cas, but what was he gonna do if he was? The guy was obviously lying about the only thing wrong being his headache, but right now, Dean was too tired to care. He went to the bathroom, and relieved himself before grabbing one of the towels and drying his head, and then his body. Everything seemed to be wet, and he didn't want to get back in the impala until the rain let up. Walking back out of the bathroom, and itching the inside of his ear, he stopped by the counter, and saw the name plate. It read in block letters 'CASTIEL NOVAK'. Dean was pretty sure he'd screwed up, and real good. 

Lucky for him, the storm didn't last too much longer, letting him leave the library around five to go back to his motel room. Once in and freshly showered, he picked his cell phone out of his pocket and used the speed dial to call his brother. "Dean?" his brother answered almost immediately, his voice laced with worry. "Hey Sam. You remember Cas, right?" There was a slight pause as Sam seemed to be walking around where ever he was, and then a door closed. "Yeah, the guy you were basically crushing over your whole childhood?" "It wasn't like that. He was just a friend," Dean knew his brother could tell he was lying, even over the phone. "Really, Dean? You were so upset that he was leaving back when you were in high school. You didn't talk for almost a week except to tell us where we were going." Sam had a solid point, but it was hard to admit you liked someone you kept getting separated from. Especially now that it had been so long. 

"Yeah, him. Well, turns out he lives in the town I came to find a job," he hoped Sam would drop the subject like that. "Well, then you should go ask and see if you could bunk with him until you do land that job, or until you find another one in some other town. Dean, just don't screw it up. Now I have to go, class is starting soon." "Bitch," Dean told him quietly, and he could imagine Sam's smile as he replied, "Jerk." It ended with that. 

Groaning, Dean just threw his phone onto the bed, falling right behind it as he rubbed his eyes. He was so tired, and the stupid storm hadn't helped. Finding out Cas was here didn't help, and then knowing that Cas probably moved on didn't help either. He had been such a dick, thinking that Cas would forget him after he moved to go attend some catholic school, and that Dean wouldn't be good enough. He could have kept up their friendship, if Cas had even really wanted it. Groaning again, he just flipped on the television, hoping something was on. He would go back to the library tomorrow to see if he could find Cas, and hopefully talk to him, apologize about everything. Though the guy would probably spit in his face and leave. Dean had been such a jerk about that, he couldn't even forgive himself. 

After about an hour of jerking off to some hot porn he watched on the tv set, and some other dirty ideas, Dean realized he just needed to grow a pair and deal with it. If Cas didn't like him anymore, it was understandable, but that wouldn't keep him from trying to win him back again. He dialed Bobby up after yet another shower, and hoped he could help. "Hello?" "Bobby, it's me, Dean." "Dean! You idjits never call anymore, what's going on?" "We're fine, Bobby, Sam's still at Stanford, and I'm still trying to land a job to help out pay off his tuition," he grimaced. They'd paid almost all of it off, just not his last semester, and Sam was pulling two part time jobs at places to cover it, and Dean knew he needed the help. "My offer to work here still stands, you know, even after you almost burnt it to the ground," Bobby's voice was gruff, but Dean knew he genuinely cared. "I know, and I might take you up on that if I can't land a job here... Uh, I mentioned Cas to you before, right?" "No, who's Cas? Is she some girl you got pregnant, Dean? Dean?" He hadn't realized he'd fallen silent. If he hadn't mentioned Cas to Bobby, then he'd been burying it much more deeper than he thought. "No, Cas is just some old friend that I might meet up with here, nothing to worry about," though the thought that Bobby had though he'd gotten a girl pregnant kinda scared him. He wasn't that stupid. "Well, okay, then why'd you call?" "I just... needed to remember something, and talking to you cleared it up. I'll call you again if I'm coming your way. Thanks Bobby." "No problem. Bye, Dean." The call ended.

Dean threw the phone on the ground this time. He knew he was utterly screwed. He had buried the fact that he had liked Cas so much that he hadn't even told Bobby. He'd lived with the guy for the most part after they left their old town, and after Cas had moved, and after the accident. Hell, he had taken care of Dean after the fights he would get into, and directly after the accident. He had really messed up, and he only hoped he could somehow fix it before he had to leave again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has no idea what to do when confronted with the love of his life.

When Castiel woke the next morning, he wasn't sure what to expect. Being the only one in bed was one thing that surprised him. Crowley had disappeared, leaving him naked in a bed almost as big as his bathroom back home and finer too. He rubbed his eyes and looked around for his clothes, only finding his underwear folded on the footboard. Cas pulled them on and sighed when he couldn't find his other clothes. He would need to venture to another part of the massive house to find them, or he would need to find the house's owner. 

Castiel didn’t exactly know where Crowley would be at this time in the morning, seeing as he hadn’t really listened in on what the other man had planned for the day. The only thing he knew was that he needed to find him quickly, because the heater was not high enough to keep him warm when only his underwear adorned him. It didn’t take long to find him though.

Walking into the kitchen, he saw Crowley sitting at the table, the newspaper out in front of him, and a cup of steaming coffee in his hands, a bottle of whatever alcohol he preferred in the morning, next to him. "Ah, Castiel. I had your clothes dry cleaned; they're hanging in the bathroom for you. I've also got Brian fetching your breakfast. You still fancy that one bakery next to the drug store, I take it?" Castiel nodded his head, glad that Crowley could remember all this after a few months of being separated. "Thank you Crowley. You're too good for me," he gave him a small smile and turned to go to the bathroom. "I know," he heard him reply. 

The bathroom mirror only showed him what he expected. A tall, lanky man with dark brown hair that looked like he just had sex, which had taken place just the night prior, looked back at him. His pale skin made his hair look odd, and his blue eyes looked a pit dull as they just stared back, nothing noticeable really making him stand out. Stepping into the shower, Castiel closed his eyes and just turned the faucet on, splashing the water on his face. He took a quick hot shower, making sure to get the smell of sex off of him, and he jumped out quickly after, getting his clothes on. He didn't really take care of how he looked, and he didn't even tie his tie all the way before he left the bathroom and joined Crowley at the kitchen table. 

"You look unkempt, Cas…. You only mentioned this Dean Winchester once before... was he really that big in your life?" "I would rather not talk about it," Castiel looked to the door as it opened, letting Brian in, who was carrying a large bag in his hands. "Ah, thank you Brian, you can go home early today. I'll call if I need anything,” Crowley didn't move his eyes from the newspaper at all, taking another sip of his coffee. Brian gave Castiel the bag, and he opened it, sighing as he smelled the chocolate croissant. Of course it was different than others, because it had chocolate in the dough, and drizzled over it, with chocolate chips in the middle. "You and your chocolate. I'll see you for dinner tonight? Around seven at the restaurant you took me to on our first date. I have to leave early for work, and I'd just love to hear all about this Dean Winchester. Ta ta," Crowley stood at that, folding the paper under his arm and walked over, bringing Castiel's chin up to give him a quick peck before leaving through the front door. 

The house was silent as Castiel ate, and he managed to find a carton of milk and pour himself a glass to wash down the sweetness. Using his toothbrush, which he still hadn't taken from Crowley's house, as he'd just bought his own for his house, he brushed, and walked to the front room. Crowley's dog, Growly the Rottweiler (the name had been a joke Castiel had made), was asleep in his bed, and Castiel skipped on petting him. Growly did not like Castiel. He stepped outside of the house, closing and locking the door behind him, and sighed. He had no way home. 

About an hour later, Castiel was entering his own house, hurriedly trying to get himself ready for work. He didn't fix his clothes or hair, and just grabbed his briefcase, running back to the library to make it on time. He stopped running as he turned the corner, and walked calmly as he caught his breath. The library was still closed, so he unlocked it and set everything up, like he usually did. While he checked in the books that had been returned, he heard the door open. "Cas? You there?" The voice made him still, and he turned to see Dean standing there, staring at him. "Dean?" Of course it was him. 

Dean swallowed before walking forward to the desk, and just stopped in front of Cas. "I haven't seen you in who knows how long.... How've you been?" Castiel couldn't answer; he just grasped the desk, unable to really handle what was happening. "I've been... fine... What happened to you? I'd thought you'd died... after the accident, I read about it in the paper, it was everywhere, Dean.." he took a shaky breath, and just looked at him, his bottom lip quivering just a bit before he bite it back. His eyes were so beautiful, and he couldn't find it in him to look away. "Oh god, that... I was put up in the hospital for almost two months, and I almost died a couple times actually. Doctors said it was a miracle I pulled through. Didn't think you'd hear about that. Sam was lucky, he didn't get roughed up too bad," Dean chuckled lightly, his face a little downcast as he decided to sit on the counter, facing the door. Castiel joined him soon after, not liking sitting beneath him. 

"Sam? How is he?" "He's working to become some big shot lawyer at Stanford. The guy's a genius," Dean was genuinely proud of his brother, and Castiel smiled at that. "So, how about you?" "I... the majority of my family died just recently.... a plane crash for their business. It's only Gabriel, Anna and me now... We've still not heard anything from Luke or Michael since they ran off. I've just been working lately.... I've been here about four years, since I graduated college. It's been quiet since." Dean stayed silent, and Castiel looked to him to see if he was alright. "Cas, your family died? How the hell are you handling that man?" "You knew my family, Dean. They all left me, and none of them left a lasting impression. Anna is off with her wife, and Gabriel I think is still doing those commercials for that soda," he sighed, closing his eyes. He did not have many happy memories of his family.

"Wait, her wife? What I wouldn't give to see their honeymoon video," Dean chuckled, and Castiel elbowed him. "Actually, she married Ruby, a girl from our... well, my high school. She changed a lot since then. Now... why are you here?" Castiel looked to Dean, who seemed to not know how to answer him. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I was looking for a job, and I heard this town needed a mechanic... and well, talking about Anna and getting married... how are you with your whole love life? I bet you have some rich husband just eating everything out of your hand," Dean once again forced a small laugh, and it was Castiel's turn to stay quiet. "I had a boyfriend for about a year and a half, named Crowley, and I wasn't ready for anything serious... I couldn't, and I broke it off. We recently started hitting off again, but I'm not sure it's going anywhere..." he trailed off, avoiding looking to Dean now. "Oh, well, that's too bad. Thought you'd be hitched by now. Well, I need to go check out the garage and all. I'll catch you around later," Dean stood, and was walking towards the door. 

"Wait! If... if you need a place to stay, my house isn't too far... Here's my number, just call, and I'll give you the address. The spare key is under the potted plant," Castiel hastily wrote his number down and gave Dean the piece of paper. Their hands touched longer than necessary, and then Dean smiled and was gone out the door. Castiel knew this wasn't going to be good, and that he would need to tell Crowley that nothing more could happen. What on Earth was he doing anymore?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst on a date, Castiel can only think of someone else.

Castiel had just finished walking to the place he was to meet Crowley, and he was waiting inside in the waiting room, his overcoat folded over his arm. Not ten minutes after he arrived, Crowley walked in and winked at him, waving him to come forward as he checked in their reservation. They were showed to a very seclusive table, and Castiel sat down across from Crowley. A waiter walked forward with the wine selection, and Crowley chose one for both of them, waving the waiter away right after. "So, this Dean. Who is he exactly? I've never heard of him except through you, and you seem to be attracted and related to the more.... showy people, using myself as an example, of course," Crowley turned his chair around, so the back was facing the table, making him straddle it. 

"I've known him since I was seven... and I fell in love with him around ten... it never really went away... but he did when we were twelve, my aunt put a restraining order on him after I accidentally broke my arm and leg, and then I didn't see him for five years," that was only the beginning of course, and he didn't want to go into how his affection towards the Winchester had only grown since then, and had never really faded, just finding a small spot to hide. "Ah, and now? You can't just tell me that his appearance has brought forth this undying love for the man, has it?" Castiel stayed silent, and the waiter came forward, pouring their glasses, and was about to leave when Crowley stopped him. "Leave the bottle," he took out a bill from his wallet and handed it to the waiter. 

"Really, Cas?" "I thought he was dead, Crowley. He got in an accident when we were 17, and with his injuries, he wasn't expected to live, and... I love him, Crowley, I do." "Well this is a great thing to be telling an ex, isn't it? It doesn't matter, though. We've both moved on, and I guess last night was just to get your hopes up," he drank his own wine, and took Castiel's glass when he saw he wasn't going to drink it. "I'm sorry, I ask for this to happen. I was happy with you before, I really was, and I didn't know what was stopping me from marrying you.... but..." "..but Dean Winchester seems to be the only one suitable. Castiel, you are indeed hopeless." Crowley didn't seem upset by anything, for which Cas was grateful, as he didn't want to upset him. 

The dinner continued as normal, Crowley asking about Dean more and more, and Castiel wound up just telling stories from his childhood, and recalling times he swore he'd never think about. About halfway through the main course, Castiel's cell phone rung, and he picked it up to see a number blaring, which meant it was someone he didn't know. "Just a moment," he stood and picked his phone, opening it up. "Hello?" "Cas, that you?" "Dean? Uh, yes.. what do you need?" "Address to your place. It still alright if I crash there?" Castiel had forgotten about the fact that Dean could call at any time, and it was only logical that he call at the worst possible time. He quickly told Dean his address, adding that he had a cat that wouldn't bother him as long as he didn't move the hairball next to the tv. "Alright, see you soon I guess," and the call ended with that. Castiel sighed and replaced his phone in his pocket and returned to the table to see that the dessert had been served, his main course to the side of the table. 

"I'm sorry, it was an important call." Crowley eyed him, and took a bite of his soufflé. "Dean, I'm guessing?" Castiel nodded as he quickly finished his dinner. Moving to dessert, it stayed silent until the waiter came with the bill. Getting his wallet, he heard Crowley tut at him. "I'll pay. You need to save for that new place, don't you?" Castiel tilted his head in confusion. "What new place?" "The one you'll be getting for you and Dean once you're together, of course." He was completely confused. "You'll need a bigger house if you plan on anyone else living with you. It's a one bedroom house you have, Castiel. He'll be sleeping on the couch, yes?" Cas stayed silent, and slowly nodded. "Exactly, now, I'll drop you off at home, but I expect to meet Dean sooner or later, okay?" This was not how Castiel thought Crowley would react to this, but that didn't mean he wasn't grateful for it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean stays at Castiel's place.

Crowley dropped him off outside of his house, and he waved as he stepped up to his door. There was a massive black car in his driveway already, and Castiel knew it was Dean's Impala. He took his key from his pocket and unlocked the door, walking in to smell something burning. Closing the door, he rushed to the source to find that Dean had left the stove on, and turned it off, looking around to find any other trace of the man. There was a large duffle bag at the foot of the couch, and the owner was asleep, his jacket covering him. 

Castiel sighed and took his overcoat off, placing it on its hook next to the door before he thought about helping Dean. He shook him awake gently, and Dean started, suddenly unaware of where he was. "Cas? That you?" "Yes, Dean. You can take a shower or something. The bed folds out, and I'll get you some blankets," he made sure to whisper, Dean was just much too tired for anything from what he could see. Folding the bed out, and getting some plain dark blue blankets and sheets, he set it up, and made sure to get pillows for him as well. "Dean.. I'm just down the hall if you need anything, alright?" Dean nodded, and fell onto the bed, not bothering with the blankets as he passed out. 

Retreating to his own room, Castiel changed into his pajama pants and his baggy old t-shirt Anna had gotten him from a concert she attended in Europe. Lying in his own bed, he thought about what had happened in just the last two days. Dean Winchester, the love of his life had come back from the dead, and was here, staying with him. Crowley was willing to help him with what he wanted to get, and he couldn't help but be happy about it. Cas sighed and just pulled his down comforter over him before he drifted off to sleep, having some not-to-appropriate dreams. 

The next morning, Castiel woke early, around five, and got ready for work, forgetting that it was Saturday and that he didn't even have a regular shift that day. As he wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast, he glanced out the window to see the sun poking through the clouds. This was the first time it had done so in about a week and a half. He turned suddenly when he heard someone walk up behind him, and he saw Dena, rubbing the own sleep from his eyes. "Mornin' Cas. You sleep well?" "I slept fine... is there anything you would like for breakfast?" Dean blinked and nodded his head, sitting at the table before he answered verbally. "Some toast would be good, and coffee, black, if you have it," Dean smiled weakly, and Castiel could tell he was trying to not be a burden. 

"Well, I was going to make some pancakes with sausage, but I guess toast will be fine," Castiel thanked Crowley for buying him a coffee machine when they were going out, as he was more of a tea person, but whenever Crowley was over, he would insist on coffee. Making breakfast quietly, and quickly, he set a plate of pancakes in front of Dean, placing the sausage with it before the coffee. Castiel sat on the opposite side of the table and ate his own breakfast silently, the two not talking until their food was finished. 

"That was great, Cas. Thanks," he said it through a half-yawn half-stretch and stood up. "You have plans today?" Castiel nodded, "I need to go to work." "Dude, it's Saturday. Do you ever get a day off?" Glancing at the door to the small garage he looked to the calender. It was indeed Saturday. "Actually, I do have the weekends off... I guess I just forgot what day it was. What would you like to do today?" Dean smiled and stood, stretching more before he picked up his plate and put it in the sink. "Well, it looks nice, so we could go for a drive, and you could show me around," he suggested it almost like a question, to see if Castiel would like it or not. "That sounds nice, I'll get dressed, and we can leave... You can use the shower first, I need to do the dishes and feed Mr. Cat," at the mention of the feline, the gray tabby strolled around the corner, rubbing up against Castiel, who picked him up, stroking his head. 

It went from there, and soon Dean was waiting outside for Castiel, leaning on the hood of the Impala. Castiel came out in the clothes he would usually wear for work, as he wasn't really sure what else to wear. "Dude, you can't go around wearing that. You'll burn up. Lose the trench coat and sports jacket." So Castiel did, and he folded up his white sleeves, leaving the blue tie a little loose as they drove around the town. 

They visited parks, and other places, sometimes parking so Castiel could tell a story about a place in particular. Dean parked the car outside of Ted's Bakery, where they picked up their lunch, Castiel insisted they get the bacon cheeseburgers, and they waited to eat their food until they found a suitable place. That place happened to be a hill just outside the town, overlooking the majority of it. There were a few trees around the place, providing shade, and there was a small bench they could both barely fit on. They sat there, and ate in silence.

After they finished, they continued to watch the clouds, pressed together so close, but neither bothering to move. "Cas... you know I'm sorry about just leaving you right? I was just so upset... everyone was leaving, my dad was gone, and then you... I didn't know what was happening, and then that damn truck run into us, and... I'm sorry," he said the last part in a hushed tone, and Castiel placed his hand on Dean's knee. "It's okay, Dean. I forgive you. You're here now, and that's all that matters... though for how long, I don't know. I would just like to enjoy it while it lasts," he smiled, and they were quiet once more. 

The sun had started to set when they were getting ready to leave. Most of the afternoon had been spent in silence, sometimes stories were traded, and adventures folded out in front of them. They were both happy with how it was going about, and on the ride home, Castiel got an idea. "Dean, you could just move in with me until you get a job... there are plenty here that you could get, and..." and then you wouldn't have to leave. He knew this was being selfish, but he needed Dean in his life again. The Winchester just filled this gaping hole that was sometimes able to be filled with other things. Castiel had yet to tell Dean of his drug escapade in university, and he probably wouldn't unless he ever asked. "That sounds awesome, Cas. Though I don't want to be a burden or anything, so if you just need me gone for a few days, I understand... and hey, maybe tonight, as a new roommate sorta thing, we could watch a movie," he was moving the topic away from him being forced to leave, Castiel could tell. 

"I would never make you leave, Dean. You should know that." That started another period of silence as Dean parked in the driveway, the two staring at one another. "You should pick a movie and get some pizza on your way home. I'll get everything else ready," Castiel told him as he exited the car and he waved to Dean as he entered his house.

The first thing he noticed was that he had left his phone on the table, and that he had a few unread messages, and missed calls. He looked at the messages to see one from Crowley, and one from Gabriel. He checked the one from his brother first. 

**Gabriel:** _Hey, bro! Wanted to remind you I'm bunking at your place the next week. I'll be over Sunday night!_

Castiel groaned. He had completely forgotten about his brother coming over, so he quickly texted him back. 

**Castiel:** _Thank you, Gabriel, for reminding me. There might be some complications, as I have someone staying over at the moment._

His brother texted back almost immediately. 

**Gabriel:** _What?! Do you have some boy living off you? I told you that picking up strays would be the end of you. Can't wait to meet him. ;)_  
 **Castiel:** _No, Dean showed up, and I offered him a place to sleep while he looks for work._  
 **Gabriel:** _Deano? Really? Why aren't you fucking him?_  
 **Castiel:** _Gabriel. He has gone through a lot, and is incredibly tired. I would never take advantage of him._  
 **Gabriel:** _Whatever, bro. I'm still coming over. Seeya tomorrow!_

Castiel groaned, rubbing his face with his hand before he went to check Crowley's text. 

**Crowley:** _I remember you telling me sometime before that your brother was venturing over. He could always stay at my place if you don't have room._  
 **Castiel:** _Thank you Crowley, that would be very helpful. I'll text him your address. Expect him over tomorrow night. He might want alcohol, and will want to watch porn._  
 **Crowley:** _A man after my own heart it seems. I'll be sure to jot that down before he has the chance to get here. Hope you're having a good time with Dean, love. Ta ta._

Now that that was over, Castiel just fell onto the ground, sitting against the wall as he texted his brother Crowley's address. He couldn't just stay on the ground though, so he got up, and changed into his pajamas, and readied the living room for their movie night. There was soda and beer already in the fridge, the beer had been placed by Dean. He got one bottle out, and a can of lemon lime for himself, and he sat on the pull out bed. The door was opened minutes later, and Dean walked in, a pizza in his arms, and a dvd case in his hand. "I got Indiana Jones. Didn't really know what else you would like," the Winchester smiled, and Castiel returned it. "It's fine, Dean. I don't mind what we watch. It's more for your enjoyment than mine." 

The movie was started, and they sat together, the pizza box on both of their legs as they ate through the action scenes, Dean grinning the whole way through. Castiel would constantly glance over to him, and smile. Right now was one of the happiest moments of his life, and he was overjoyed that Dean was content with just so simple things.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel hates thunder storms.

The first thing Castiel noticed when he woke was that he was extremely uncomfortable. He slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head from wherever it had been resting to see that he was still in the living room. They, meaning both him and Dean, had fallen asleep, the tv still on, replaying the menu screen for Raiders of the Lost Ark over and over again. He rubbed his eyes and quickly stepped away from the bed, looking onto the other man. Dean didn't really stir, just moved his head to the other side, rolling over a bit to make himself more comfortable in his sleep. 

Castiel almost ran to his shower, realizing what had happened. What if Dean didn't reciprocate his feelings? He knew he had kissed him back in high school, but that was so long ago, that things must have changed. It would be extremely odd if they hadn't. Changing quickly into his running clothes, he walked back out to the living room to see Dean waking up. Castiel turned the tv off, ejecting the disk before replacing it in the case. "Good morning, Dean. Did you sleep well?" "Funny thing. I don't actually remember falling asleep. But it was good all the same. You?" "It was fine... feel free to make yourself breakfast, I usually jog on Sundays, so I'll be back in about an hour or so," Castiel smiled, taking Dean's slowly waking up face for granted. "Alright, I'll see you later-" just then there was a large flash, and thunder following only a few seconds after, rain pouring down. 

Castiel frowned when he looked out the front door, and off of his porch. "I do not think I will be jogging today, Dean," he returned to his room, putting some lounge clothes on instead, and rejoined Dean in the kitchen. "What would you like for breakfast?" "Anything really. Whatever's easiest," the way he just tried to make everything easier for Castiel made him sigh. He would never really know what Dean wanted. "You know what, we'll go out for breakfast. Ted's Bakery has breakfast items, and they are simply sublime. You'll need to try something," Castiel then walked to the door, putting his overcoat on, and putting his slippers on as well. 

Dean started chuckling as he saw Cas's getup. "You really want to go in slippers? Those will get soaked through right away," he said this as he put his own boots on, and his leather jacket. Castiel looked down to observe his worn out slipper, and he sighed. "I guess you're right," he hurried to his room, and put his sneakers on, joining Dean in the Impala. The drive was short, and they got their food quickly, driving to a coffee shop to get drinks as well before Dean drove them up to the hill once again. They ate in the Impala though, instead of eating on the bench, the rain coming down in buckets all around them and throughout the city. 

As they finished their small meal, Castiel rubbed his hands on his pants. "Gabriel is coming to town today, and I told him I do not have room inside my own house. He will be sleeping at a friend's, but he will expect to spend most of the time with me," he hoped this didn't come as bad news for Dean. His brother and the Winchester had both gotten along quite well when they had been growing up, so hopefully things would be similar. "Gabe? Haven't seen him since forever. Does he still pull pranks on you when he's around?" Castiel groaned, leaning back in his seat as he pushed his palms into his eyes. At that Dean just bursted out laughing. "Really? 28 and still the biggest trickster I know, or well, knew." "He is lucky that the particular commercials and the company are okay with all the tricks he pulls," and the conversation ended as Dean pulled away from the hill, driving back towards Castiel's house. 

During the drive home there was much lightning, the thunder sounding almost directly after. A bolt seemed to touch down on the other part of town that Dean was driving to, and he stopped as he saw smoke rising. "You think it's okay to still head over there?" "Yes, the rain is coming down hard enough that any fire should be put out quickly," Castiel replied, patting his friend's arm as they continued. It was not okay. 

They stopped just down the street of Castiel's house to see it ablaze, the fire growing bigger as it hit the gasoline tank for the stove. "Cas, hell, what're we gonna do?" Seconds later, Mr. Cat jumped onto the hood of the Impala, soaking wet, and looking towards Castiel with obvious hate. Cas opened his door and let the cat in, and Mr. Cat decided Cas's lap was the best place to be at the moment. "We need to go somewhere else... I'll call 911, and then someone else..." This was only getting worse for Castiel. 

He dialed the emergency number and explained the situation, the fire department arriving only minutes after he called and putting out the fire. The were only able to retrieve Dean's duffle bag and Castiel's briefcase, everything else being too ruined to even care about. Castiel was now homeless, since the house was being rented in the first place. They drove around till they were in a parking lot, the rain becoming no more than white noise as Castiel made another phone call. "Hello?" "Crowley? My house.. it's burned down." "And let me guess, you need somewhere to stay?" "Yes." "Well, your brother's coming over soon, so it might as well be a party. I have enough rooms for all of you... though you might want to keep your feline away from my dog." The call ended after that. Castiel sighed, closing his eyes after pocketing his phone. This was not how he had hoped today would go. 

"So, we're staying at your ex-boyfriend's house? Is that it?" "Yes, he is the only one I really know here... and his mansion will provide us with more than enough room." Silence again, until Castiel started giving directions on how to reach Crowley's mansion. Parking in front, Dean whistled. "Wow, this place is huge." "Crowley has... invested a lot of time into the stock market, and he is a millionaire." Dean blinked a bit at that, and just chuckled. "Well, seems you could've been hitched to some rich guy. Let's get inside and out of the rain," Dean left the car, and Castiel held Mr. Cat close before picking up his briefcase and heading up to Crowley's porch. Things were definitely not going his way.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching movies isn't always the smartest thing to do with your brother.

Castiel was sitting on the side of the table, Crowley next to him, at the head, with Dean across as they waited for Gabriel to come down for dinner. "Your brother really has no manners, does he? I've only met him once, and he hasn't changed a bit," Crowley was shaking his head, taking another sip of whatever alcohol he had Brian get him. Dean chuckled at this, apparently thinking the fact that Gabriel could make such an impression in one meeting was funny. Castiel only groaned, and looked to the door again, and saw his older brother. The short man had a smirk on his face, and his own bottle of wine in his hand as he sat down next to Castiel. "Well well well, isn't this something? Crowley, it's been what? Two years?" "Not long enough if you ask me," Crowley deadpanned, and Castiel could tell this meeting wasn't going to go well. 

"Well, enough about all this. Castiel, I didn't really have time to meet this Dean Winchester from how you found your way here." The man smirked as he looked to Dean, who only raised an eyebrow, glancing at Castiel before moving to look towards Crowley. "I'm Dean, but I guess you know that. What of it?" Crowley chuckled, another sip of his drink, and just smiled, shaking his head. "Oh, nothing. Castiel never talked about you much, and well, you're not really what I expected. Anyways, it's past time for dinner. Brian!" With just the one shout, the butler was hurrying into the room, a cart in front of him as he served them their meal. "I heard from Castiel though that you fancy hamburgers, just as himself, and after going through so much today, I thought something familiar would be in place." Castiel looked to Crowley, not really believing what was happening. 

Crowley was known to be heartless, at least to people that he wasn't interested in, so he was nowhere near heartless when he and Castiel had been going out. The fact that he was being nice to Dean meant that he still cared, which was another weird thing. Then again, the man had been that close to proposing to Castiel, so it wasn't that surprising. They ate their specified meals quietly, that was, except for Gabriel, who insisted on talking with his mouth full. Dinner didn't last long because of just that. 

It was still storming outside when they broke, and Crowley said that he was catching a plane to England that night, and that Brian would be on call if they needed anything, and to not mess anything up, or he would kill them in their sleep. So Gabriel, Dean, and Castiel ended up in the entertainment room, looking through the vast expanse of movies Crowley had collected over his years to decide what to watch. Castiel and Dean outvoted Gabriel in the fact that they thought it appropriate for them to watch the next Indiana Jones. That was how they ended up watching the Temple of Doom, Castiel and Dean on the couch, while Gabriel took the recliner. 

Halfway through the movie, the heater had broken, and Castiel fetched a blanket from his usual room, sharing it with Dean, who didn't seem to mind. The whole time Gabriel eyed them, smirking and almost giggling girlishly. "So Gabriel, how is Kali?" "Another tour in Europe. She's looking for a new modeling agency, and as soon as she settles down, I'm joining her." "Who's Kali?" Castiel looked to Dean, forgetting that he was almost completely oblivious to what had happened within their family the past decade. "Kali is Gabriel's fiancé. They're getting married in Spain this December. I don't generally approve of their relationship, because whenever I see Kali I tend to get hurt. Last time I sprained my wrist when she gave me a handshake," Castiel glared at Gabriel while he said that, though he didn't really mean it. Kali was a wonderful woman, for Gabriel. "Ouch, that must be some chick," Dean whistled, and Gabriel threw his bucket of popcorn at him, getting the kernels over both him and Castiel.

"Gabe, you bastard! It's gotten everywhere now," Dean stood up, rubbing everything off of him, and shaking the blanket a little to get what he could off of that. Castiel copied him, seeming to find that some had landed down his shirt and pants. He shook them out and looked to Dean, who seemed to be having similar problems. Castiel stepped forward, running his fingers through Dean's hair to get the popcorn out of that. Gabriel hadn't made a single sound as this happened, but Castiel was too distracted to notice. Dean was staring at him as he helped get the popcorn out of his hair, and he swallowed before saying, "Thanks, Cas. You've got some... right here." Dean's hand reached towards his face, and Castiel froze, looking into his eyes as he looked to where he had the snack on him. Dean's hand held his chin as his other brushed the popcorn off of his cheek and hair. "There," he removed his hands and looked back to Castiel. 

"Oh come on! That was your chance, Deano! You've gotta make a move sooner or later!" Castiel's face grew hot when Gabriel nearly shouted this, and he wished his brother would stop being such an idiot. "I'm sorry, I must.. I must go get some clothes for tonight. I'll join you two again afterwards," Castiel was quick to leave the room. Why was Gabriel so insistent? He wanted to claw his eyes out right now, and he only succeeded in getting to Crowley's bedroom before he stopped. Castiel had no clothes, he had forgotten. They had all burned down with his house. He returned to his brother and Dean, and told them this. 

"Well, you know what that means?" Castiel tilted his head. "It means I must go and buy clothes tomorrow, after work. I will need to borrow some from Crowley before then." Gabriel sighed, rolling his eyes as he did so. "Dude, your freaking house just burned down. I'm pretty sure you can take a day or two off of work. We'll go shopping tomorrow, and get you some actual clothes, and not that stupid accountant stuff you used to wear." Castiel furrowed his brow. "I quite liked my old clothes. I will get the same suit again, maybe two or three, and then you can chose the rest. I do not really care what I wear, as long as it is modest," he nodded his head, looking Dean only to quickly move back to staring at his brother. "You are such a fun-sucker, Cassie."


	12. Chapter 12

The next day was not what Castiel expected. He woke in his bedroom at Crowley's house when he heard someone yell Gabriel's name. He assumed it was Dean who was having a problem with his brother. He walked out of his room and down towards where the shout had come from to find himself outside of the bathroom. Dean opened the door, a towel wrapped around his waist, holding the door with his other hand, exasperated and seething. Castiel stepped back, looking at what he had apparently been upset about. Dean's regular dirty blonde hair was now a burnt orange, the skin right under his hairline the same color as well. "I'm gonna kill him," he breathed, and Dean stomped from the bathroom, in the direction of his older brother's room. 

Castiel sighed, and knowing he would have used that same shampoo if he had woken up earlier, he thanked that Dean had been up first. Though he still felt sorry that Gabriel's prank had landed on him. He knew what he should do, but it wouldn't help how his brother reacted to it. He readied himself to take a shower, and closed the bathroom door. 

He looked in the mirror, grimacing as he realized he had just made a huge mistake. His dark hair was a darker orange than Dean's, but it was still not the familiar brown. He got his own towel and walked out to see Dean and Gabriel waiting for him. "Cas, why'd you do that?" "I thought it would make it easier on you, since we need t go shopping today," Castiel paused, rethinking his idea. It was too late though, and knowing Gabriel, the dye would last a few days or weeks. "I'm just fine with the two of you looking like complete, and matching, idiots while we go and find Cas some new clothes. Should we get some that match your new hair?" Dean slapped Gabe upside the head, and Castiel smirked at that. "I can get my own clothes; I was only bringing you along so as to fill the time. Now, if you excuse me, I need to get some clothes from Crowley's closet, mine are dirty, and I won't be able to clean them before we leave." 

Castiel was about to walk away when Dean caught his shoulder, "I have some clothes you could borrow. They'd look more normal than your ex's suits. Come on." That was how Castiel found himself in Dean's room, and though small, seemed good for him. Dean was digging through his duffle bag, and brought out an old ACDC shirt and a pair of jeans. "It's raining, and your coat needs washing too, so you can wear this," Dean then handed him a sweatshirt, that was clearly oversized. "It was Sam's he left it with me the last time we were together, and I guess I never had the chance to give it back." Castiel nodded and took the clothes, trying to keep his towel up as well. "Thank you, I'll return them to you as soon as I've accumulated my own clothes. Thank you again, Dean." He hurried out of the room, hopefully able to hide how much this interaction with Dean was affecting his crotch.

Back within his own room he hurriedly got dressed, and made sure everything was comfy, which wasn't that hard to do because everything was worn in and soft. Castiel held the jacket over his arm as he exited his room, closing it behind him. "Gabriel, Dean! Let's get going!" He yelled it down the hallway, and walked through the hallway as he went to the foyer. His brother and Dean met him there moments later, and they successfully filed into the Impala without Dean gouging out Gabriel's eyes. 

"God dammit. I look ridiculous," Dean muttered at a stoplight, running his hand through. "Dean, let me remind you that I also look equally ridiculous." Dean eyed him and sighed. "At least you look good with orange," and it ended there as the light turned green. They parked inside the mall parking lot, Castiel pulling Sam's old sweatshirt over his head, as it was beginning to rain. "I do not want to be here long. I only need a couple pair of pants and some shirts. I can last until I am ready to find another home," he wanted to make sure they didn't go all clothes crazy on him, saying he needed certain things and whatnot. He knew Gabriel got like that. "Fine, but we are getting you something to match with your hair," Gabriel smirked as they headed off into the massive building. 

Castiel and Gabriel were about the exit the mall, Dena had gone ahead to get the Impala to pick them, when the shorter man stopped his brother. "Just a sec, I gotta get something from the drugstore," and Gabriel was off, to the drugstore just on the second floor above where they were. Castiel waited patiently, sighing when he noticed Dean was waiting outside the door for them. Gabriel didn't come down that long after that, and he had a small paper bag in his hand as they walked out the door. "What did you need to get so badly?" "It's a present for you, but you don't get it till I leave." The way Gabriel seemed to be keeping in laughter made Castiel narrow his eyes at him. His brother was once again planning a prank, at least he thought he was. It was hard to know when Gabriel wasn't planning something to come out like a joke. 

They drove home with Dean singly off key to his rock music, but Castiel didn't mind as much as Gabriel, who seemed to be dying in the backseat due to his ears bleeding. "Well, at least that means we can insult him without him knowing, right Cas?" This was in response to Gabriel proclaiming that he was now deaf. "Yes, we may call him whatever we like." "Because the bastard doesn't know when the shut up," Dean smiled as eh got out of the car, helping Cas with his bags as they walked towards Crowley's mansion. Castiel was opening the door when Dean shouted, "Hey! Knock it off!" He turned to see his brother pouring glitter over Dean's head, though how he could reach that high from that far away was a mystery. "Gabriel," Castiel was surprised by how low and threatening that came out, when he was only trying to get his brother to stop tormenting Dean. "What, Cassie. I'll be in my room. You guys can just go through all your clothes. You could totally use Crowley's catwalk. I saw it in his closet."

"We aren't using his catwalk," Dean told him as they placed the bags of clothes on Castiel's bed. "I wasn't going to, but now that I have my own clothes, I guess I should return yours." "Nah, I don't need 'em," was the almost immediate response, and Castiel tilted his head to the side. Dean's face was slightly pink, but he ignored it. "Well, then what would you like to do?" Dean smiled at that and walked towards the door. "I heard Crowley has a heated pool out back, under his glass structure thing. I was gonna try it out. You wanna join me?" Castiel decided to not tell Dean that he and Crowley had had sex there when they had gone out. "That sounds nice. I'll meet you there."

Ten minutes later, Castiel was walking out the 'back door' and under the glass structure, which was really just the pool room. Crowley's bedroom balcony looked over the pool and other things in the glass room. Dean was right behind him, grinning. "It looks awesome." Then he proceeded to cannonball right in, splashing Castiel in the process. "Come on, Cas. It's fucking perfect." Again, Cas restrained from telling Dean how correct his statement was. He just jumped right in after Dean, going under the water and coming back up, moving his hair out of his face. It was getting too long, he would need to get it trimmed. "It is quite nice," he replied, swimming towards the other end of the pool and back, relaxing in the warmness. 

Castiel just continued to do that, swim back and forth, telling himself that working out would make him sleep better. Dean was just drifting in the water, watching him. It was when Castiel went underwater again, closing his eyes as he let the liquid wash over him, that he felt something tug on his foot. He scrambled a bit until he was free, pushing above the water again, breathing hard. Cas wiped his eyes, looking around to find Dean, who resurfaced just behind him, laughing his head off. "Jesus, Cas. I thought you were a good swimmer," he kept chuckling, and Castiel frowned, only to come up with an idea seconds later. "That's not the only thing I'm good at," and that's how the splashing began. 

Water flied through the air as the two men splashed and moved the water towards one another, making it hard to see and laugh as much as they wanted, stray water able to get in their eyes in mouth if they didn't pay attention. It stopped when Dean was forced against the back of the pool, and Castiel moved forward, pinning him there. "What do you have to say for yourself, Winchester?" It was said jokingly, and Cas couldn't keep the small smirk off of his face. They were both breathing a little hard to gain back the oxygen they had lost. Dean started laughing, and Castiel began to as well, moving to just be standing next to Dean on the side of the pool. "Man.. I haven't had that much fun in so long. Years actually." "I'm glad I was able to lift your spirits then, Dean." The two continued to smile at each other, and Castiel could feel his face heat up, and his cock twitch as he realized how close they actually were. 

"I... I should probably go shower, to get the chlorine out before dinner," he said suddenly, and Dean nodded, his smile disappearing as they broke the small moment. The two jumped out of the pool, walking side by side with their towels wrapped around them as they went to their own rooms. Castiel decided that swimming with Dean would not be a very good exercise.


	13. Chapter 13

Instead of dinner, Gabriel surprised them with movie tickets. He didn't say which movie they were seeing, which scared Castiel just a little bit, but it didn't matter. It meant not staying in one place, and that he would be able to end the day nice, before he had to go back to work. He took a shower after Dean, and they all met back in the Impala, planning on getting dinner before hitting the theater. They went to Ted's Bakery again, Dean not being able to resist their bacon cheeseburger, and they were off to catch whatever film Gabriel had bough tickets for. 

Once at the theater, they found out what movie they were seeing,m Gabriel not being able to hide it any longer. "A horror movie? Really?" Dean was not impressed, as he didn't seem to be scared by anything, but Castiel just kept his mouth shut. "Yes, really." Gabriel was chuckling, and Castiel groaned inwardly. His brother remembered how easily it was to scare him, and that was not good. Gabriel bought the popcorn, candy, and soda as well, and they all sat down in their seats, Cas in them middle, holding the popcorn. 

Once the movie started, Castiel could have sworn the fact that it was freezing in the theater made it scarier. He got the chills almost constantly, and about halfway through the movie he felt Gabriel tap on his shoulder, making him jump and drop the popcorn all over them. "Smooth move, Cas. Anyways, I'll fill this up, bring it back, and then I've got to bolt. Kali said she found a place, and she needs me over there," and Gbariel was gone just that fast. "What'd he say?" Dean whispered, still half watching the movie. "He's leaving to go and catch a plane to see Kali." Dean just nodded, turning back towards the movie.

Gabe was quick to come back and just hand them the popcorn, leaving immediately after. The movie was almost over, and Castiel was trembling. "Dean, Theo is going to kill his sister. I can not watch this," he whispered, trying to sound as not scared as he could. "Come on, Cas, it's almost over," and at that second, Theo jumped from behind Teo and pinned her against the wall, shooting her in the neck before she realized what was happening. Castiel, at the gunshot, flinched, his hand going over Dean's on the armrest. He didn't realize, and his hand only gripped tighter as the murders continued until Theo committed suicide in front of the police. "Jesus, Cas. I'd thought you gotten over your fear of horror movies," Dean chuckled, squeezing his hand back and letting go as he stood up. 

"I'd thought I had as well," he mumbled, picking up their wrappers and trash and disposing of it before they made their way to the car. The ride home was silent, and suddenly lightning and thunder came down only a few yards away from them on the street. Castiel jerked again, his hand going to Dean's leg as the car swerved to avoid getting hit by anything. "It's alright, Cas. I won't let you get hurt," and Castiel removed his hand slowly, catching Dean's gaze for a second before closing his eyes and relaxing in his seat. "You sure are jumpy tonight, Cas," Dean chuckled and they continued home. 

Once there, they both retreated to their own rooms, saying hasty 'good night's before they were gone. Castiel slumped against his door, sighing with his hands over his face. He needed Crowley to be here, or Gabriel to still be here, but that was not an option. He got ready for bed, and was about to just crash, when his phone began buzzing. Castiel answered it. "Cas? Hey, it's Anna. I was wondering if you were still coming for our anniversary party next week. We need to know so we can map it all out. Crowley can come too if he wants." "Crowley is currently away in England for the next two weeks, and I will try to make it." He hoped he didn't sound to let down about knowing he couldn't. He would try though. "What's keeping you from New York?" "My house recently burned down, and... and Dean is here," he couldn't keep it from her, when she knew how much Dean meant to him. 

"What?! When did he get there? Why didn't you call me earlier?" Castiel sighed, and wished his sister wasn't so excitable. "It was just last Thursday, and it hadn't crossed my mind that you would really care." "Cas! Of course I care! You can bring Dean instead! I haven't seen him since we were in middle school. Anyways, I gotta get, Ruby's hounding me. I understand if you can't come, but at least try?" "I will, though it is unlikely. Good night, Anna," he hung up and just dived onto his bed, his face down in his pillow. Seconds later, the power went out, causing him to groan.

Sure, he was going to bed, but that meant that the heater would not work. It was exceptionally chilly in his room by the time he heard a knock on his door. "Cas?" He turned over in bed to see Dean standing in the doorway. "Yes, Dean?" "Alright if I bunk in here tonight? It's kinda creepy being the only two people in the house... and uh, the power being out and all..." he trailed off, and Cas tilted his head. Dean had never been one to be scared, so why was he doing this? "It's fine, you can come in. Though you might as well take the other half of the bed. No need to sleep in the ground when Crowley has this big of a bed for his guests," and Castiel moved over, taking the left half of the bed, Dean sneaking in to take the right. It was quiet for a while, and Cas rolled over to see Dean looking at him. 

"Dean.. we should sleep," his voice was low and gruff, and he knew this had been a bad idea. "Yeah, uh, Cas," he swallowed, and Castiel wasn't sure who made the first move. Their mouths were locked in gentle, chaste kisses for minutes, until Castiel ran his hands through Dean's hair and down his neck, causing him to bite his lip. "Dean," he breathed, and the other man rolled on top of him, mouths colliding again, but this time more fierce. Castiel ran his hands up and down Dean's sides as they continued moving their lips and tongues in sync, and he slowly made his way under the fabric of his shirt, lifting it up. Feeling up and down his chest, Castiel moaned into Dean's mouth, his hips moving of their own accord, and Dean's seemed to do the same, creating glorious friction. 

"Dean, ah, it's... it's very hot... I," it was hard to speak, Dean almost not letting him as he kept their mouths connected, constantly claiming Cas's for his own. "I know, Cas... just a sec," he removed his own shirt, and worked on Castiel's, his fingers playing gently over his nipples, Cas shuddering at the touch. "Dean," he moaned again, thrusting his hips into Dean's, his cock hot and heavy against him. "I.. Dean.. I need you," he managed to get out as they caught their breath. "Need you too, Cas," and Dean moved his mouth to hover over his neck, leaving a trail of bruises with his teeth as he made his way to his collarbone. Dean's hands moved and pushed Castiel's sweats down, palming his dick through his boxers, which made Cas buck up into him. "Deeeaaan," the moan was taken from him as Dean kissed him again. 

Pants were discarded quickly after that, leaving the two men naked atop one another under the large blanket. Dean was constantly rolling his hips into Cas's as they kissed, his hands hovering over his hips and lower body as Castiel had his hands in Dean's hair. "Dean... I," he stopped, swallowing as he thrust up again, feeling Dean's cock rub against his own, moaning loud. "Cas.. could you, damn, blow me, Cas," Dean pleaded, rolling them over so Dean was on the bottom, his own hands on Castiel's ass as he pushed their cocks together again. 

Castiel nodded quickly, kissing Dean again, using his tongue to map his way down Dean's chest and stomach, his hand around the base of Dean's cock before he licked the head. Dean twitched as Cas pumped a few times before putting the head fully into his mouth and lowering his head. Cas swirled his tongue around it, bobbing up and down slowly, until he felt Dean's hands in his hair, encouraging him. He moved faster, using his hand to pump what he couldn't get in his mouth, and Dean was moaning the entire time until his muscles clenched, and he was releasing into Cas's mouth. Castiel swallowed every bit, and made sure to lick what had escaped before he returned to kiss Dean. "Taste so good with me in your mouth," he chuckled, and he turned them over again, his hand reaching down to touch Cas, making him thrust upwards. 

Hot mouths just hovered over each other as Cas thrust erratically up into his hand, coming soon after all over Dean's hand and his stomach. Dean slowly licked his hand, making sure Cas could see, and went and licked everything off of his stomach. Then they moved to by lying on their backs, catching their breath as they stared at the ceiling. "'ve wanted that so long," Dean chuckled as he said it. Cas turned his head to look at him, and Dean did the same. "How long?" "Since I kissed you in high school," and if Dean could look embarrassed, he did right that moment. Castiel leaned forward and kissed him again. "Me too," he smiled, and Dean returned it. 

The rain outside took that moment to become extra loud, with thunder and lightening happening every so often. Castiel stifled a yawn and rolled over. "Good night, Dean" he whispered, putting his arm under his pillow and closing his eyes. He felt Dean scoot up behind him, his arm snaking it's way around his waist. Dean placed a few kisses on his shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Good night, Cas." That was the first good night's sleep Castiel had gotten in a long time.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Castiel's bed was cold, and he turned to see that Dean was not there. He sighed, trying to dismiss the night before as a dream, but the fact that he was naked made it impossible. Running his hand through his hair, he sat up, the blanket over his waist. The room was silent, and he couldn't hear anything coming from the other rooms down the hall. Maybe Dean had been fake this whole time. That thought didn't help anything. 

Castiel got up, and showered, cleaning himself of the sex from the night prior. Again, evidence that it had indeed happened. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad, as Dean was nowhere to be found. Dressing in some of the new clothes he had gotten, a pair of jeans and just a plain t-shirt, he walked out to the kitchen. As he rounded the refrigerator, he noticed his name on a hastily written note. 

_'Cas- Sorry about leaving. Sam called. House on fire, girlfriend in the hospital. Had to dash. I'll be back ASAP.'_

After reading it, Castiel just slumped to the ground. It seemed as though Dean was overcome with disaster at every corner. It was something Cas wanted to change. Something he would change given the chance. He stood back up, taking the note and folding it up before putting it in his chest pocket. The clock above the sink read nine in the morning, which meant he was late to work, and he had no ride. Castiel groaned, going back to his room. He could always eat breakfast at the library. 

It wasn't that hard to convince Brian to drive him to work, and he promised to pay him back for the gas after he had the money. Right now he was a bit tight in the cash department. Walking into the small shelved building, Castiel saw Garth setting up the cafe. "Castiel, hey! I thought you'd died or something. I've never been here before you, let alone had to open up the library." Garth seemed to be a bit uncomfortable, and Castiel shoved that off. "Garth, could you do me the favor of making me a bagel? And some coffee would do nicely, I didn't have to the chance to eat before I left... home," he went and removed his overcoat, placing it in the back of his chair before sitting down in it. There was already a small line, since the self-checkout was busy. 

The day went by quickly, and around twelve he got a call from Crowley. "Cas, I trust things with Dean are going well?" "He had to go to California this morning." "What?!" "His brother also had a house fire, and his girlfriend is in the hospital. Dean left before I woke up." "The bastard, well, I'll see to it that Brian takes you to and from work while I'm away. Also, feel free to ask him for favors, or picking up food. I pay him good enough, might as well put him to work." Castiel sighed and nodded, though Crowley wouldn't have been able to see it. "Thank you, Crowley. I"m in your debt." "Don't you know it. Now I've gotta get. I'll call again tomorrow. Ta ta." The call ended. 

After that, it was quiet, given that he was in a library made it more so. It was more normal, the thing he was used to. Maybe if Dean didn't make it back till a bit later, Castiel would go to Anna's anniversary. He wasn't sure. The day ended a bit after what was usually his dinner time, and he packed up his things, locking the library door after Garth exited. He called Brian, who picked him up ten minutes later in his small car. "Thank you," he managed to say as a bout of coughing started. He loosed his coat and waved at his face. It had also become ungodly hot. 

Brian dropped him off, asking if he needed anything, and Castiel just waved him away, taking himself inside of the house and to his room. He dressed in the clothes Dean had left, smelling the other man through them, wishing he was still here. Walking to the bathroom though, he opened the mirror cabinet and took out a few aspirin, taking those before he fixed himself some soup in the kitchen. That landed Castiel in the living room, sitting in Crowley's large recliner as he watched some awful show about storage lockers. He fell asleep there only a few minutes after finishing his soup. 

The next morning was no worse, and Brian was inside all day, it was his day to clean everything. Though apart from cleaning, he also helped Castiel into his own bed, took his temperature, which was well above normal, and made sure he stayed in his room. "I'm fine, really. I need to get to work, Brian." he tried to say, but he was pretty sure it only came out as loud coughs and sneezes, his throat feeling like someone had run sandpaper down it. Brian made him extra soup, bringing a large bowl that would keep it warm in his room, placing it on the desk. Another temperature check before he left, and noting that it had only gone down to 100, decided that Castiel needed a doctor. "I'm fine," he said before he sneezed again, using the last tissue in the box to wipe his nose. 

Brian just told him that a doctor would be over in the morning to check on him, and that he should rest, and do nothing else. It was a long ways till dinner, and Castiel fell asleep before it was even four in the afternoon. The dreams that came to him were not pleasant. They mostly involved Dean dying, or being killed in some horrible way. The last one he had before he woke up was in a car crash, and it jolted him awake. 

He looked around the room to see that it was storming outside, and that the lightning and thunder could have caused some of the dreams. It would not have been the first time. Castiel doubted it was very late in the morning, as the sky was still dark, so when he saw the clock to read just after five, he just laid back in bed. The doctor wouldn’t be in till later, and he felt so warm, and it was so stuffy. Getting up was out of the question though, as a wave of nausea hit Castiel square in the chest. He covered his mouth and wished he had some water. Hopefully the doctor would be early. 

Having fallen asleep again, Castiel woke to someone opening his bedroom door. He didn’t lift his head, just tried to see who had entered to see a woman in her mid thirties with dark brown hair. She looked to be quite short, and Castiel sighed, because his eyes had started to hurt. “Hello, Castiel. I’m here to check up on you. I’ll take your temperature, and make sure you get the right medicine and everything. You can call me Doctor Eve,” she smiled sweetly, and it reminded Castiel of his mother. That only made him feel worse. 

The check up didn’t last long after that. His temperature was still high, and she diagnosed him with a very bad case of the flu. He was to stay in bed for the next couple days, to wait out the illness and to recover. That would mean he needed someone to help him at all times, and Castiel was not happy to have to tell Brian this, who simply muttered something about being paid overtime for staying at the mansion over night. This was not going to be fun in the slightest.


	15. Chapter 15

It was a week later that Castiel was finally able to muster enough strength to get out of bed. He was no longer contagious, and he was almost over his sickness, but the soreness behind his eyes, and his coughing and sneezing were still there. Brian no longer had to stay the whole day though, so Castiel was alone in the mansion, Mr. Cat and Growly sometimes following him around. The two animals got along better than they did with the human, so he didn’t mind. 

It was late at night, he was about to go to bed, when he got a phone call. He answered his phone, trying desperately to not sound as sick as he still was. Castiel could not pull it off successfully. “Hello?” “Cas, you okay? You don’t sound like it.” “Dean? Is that you? Is Sam okay?” Talking this fast just wore his voice out, what little he had left of it anyways. “He’s fine, and his girl is still at the hospital. Though she’s expected home in a few days. Anyways, how’re you? You don’t sound too good yourself.” Castiel sighed. At least Sam and his girlfriend were safe. “I caught the flu. I’m almost over it.” “Don’t sound like it.” “I’m fine Dean, really.” “Whatever. Can’t do anything about it anyways. I’ve gotta stay out here a bit more, to make sure Sam and Jess are settled in their new apartment and everything. I might not be back for a week or two.” This news almost broke Castiel, he swallowed, closing his eyes and taking a big breath before he replied. “It’s okay. I might be moved into my own by then.” He wouldn’t mention that he hadn’t even started looking for a place. He just hurt so much right now that it was too big a burden. 

“That would be nice. You’ll have to text me the address. I’ll call you again tomorrow. Get some rest now, you hear? Bye Cas.” “Good bye, Dean.” The call ended, and Castiel sat there, staring at his phone. Dean had not once mentioned their late night escapade, and he was quite thankful. What if Dean had been drunk or intoxicated somehow? Maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it over the phone, which Castiel understood completely. Shaking his head, he placed the phone on the nightstand, only for it to ring again. Castiel wished that people would call during the day, and not when he was about to sleep. It was Crowley.

"Cas, I've just landed in Boston, so I'll be home in about a day. You haven't wrecked the place, have you?" "No, and I am the only one here now. I'm sure you got the notice from the doctor as well?" "So what? Winchester just up and left you, and didn't bother to come back? And yes, the doctor rang the bill. You're going to be using up all my cash, Cas. Anyways, sleep. I'll be home sooner than you think." Castiel wasn't sure how he felt about that. He still cared for Crowley deeply, the man had taken him in after flat out refusing his proposal. "I'm in your debt, and thank you, for everything." "Go to sleep, Cas." "Good night." The call ended, and Castiel was relieved when the phone didn't ring again. 

The next morning he felt much better, so much so that he was able to take a shower unaided, and make his own breakfast. It was only a bowl of cereal mind, but it was simple, and easy to fix. He sat in the living room, watching the news as he ate, Mr. Cat and Growly curled up in the dog's bed. They were both asleep. The weatherman just kept going about the forecast and how most of the storms for the late summer were over, and that now they would have more snow, or regular rainfall. Castiel wondered why he had settled in a town that stormed half the year and snowed the other, but he liked it. 

Once done with his breakfast, he called into work, saying he would be able to go in the next day hopefully. He needed to sleep more, and his manager seemed alright with that. Castiel retreated to his room once again, lying in his warm bed, looking at the ceiling. He had nothing to do, and there was no one here but himself. It felt rather lonely, but apparently the last week didn't feel like that because he was sick and couldn't think straight. The doorbell rang, and he sighed as he got up again, walking to the door to see the postman with a box. He signed for it, and took it inside, only to see that it was addressed to him, and not Crowley. Castiel wondered who else really knew he was there, since he hadn't been one for keeping friends. 

After opening the box though it was obvious. It was a joint gift from Anna and Gabriel, for missing the anniversary. There were pictures of Anna and Ruby, and Gabriel and Kali, all dressed in some black or red clothing, as was the theme. A small basket held a bottle of wine and whiskey, some desserts, and now that he looked closer, a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. His face grew hot, and he brought the basket back to his room, stuffing it in his closet. His brother and sister didn't know that Dean was no longer in the house, and that they had had sex. Though he supposed Gabriel could have assumed they had since he'd been gone. They were in New York, miles away from him in the little town in Montana, and they still thought he was getting some. 

With the basket put away, Castiel decided he needed to walk around a bit more, and he headed out to the backyard, Growly accompanying him while Mr. Cat decided to stay inside. The grass was soft against his toes, and he smiled as he pulled his arms closer around him to remain warm. The weather was nice, but he still felt extremely cold. He sat on one of the tree swings Crowley had put in when they had been together, and mindlessly swung his legs to and fro. Relaxing as it was, he no longer had his tissues with him, and was running back inside after a very strong sneeze that had produced more mucus than usual. It seemed as though he was to stay inside until he was better.

Later that night, Castiel assumed he fell asleep on the recliner, the front door opened, letting in a gust of wind that woke him up. Crowley stepped through the doors, his suitcases in his chauffeur's hands. "Just place those over there," he pointed to the wall, and the man did just that, leaving quickly after Crowley paid him. Castiel stood up, wrapping the blanket around him before stepping forward. "How was London?" he asked, joining Crowley in the kitchen as the owner of the place brought down a bottle of his favorite scotch. "Bloody boring. Nothing and no one to do. New York should be better though," he smiled as he poured himself a glass, not bothering to do the same for Castiel. "Where's your little hairless ape, anyhow?" "He was in no way similar to an ape, Crowley. And his brother's house caught fire, and he and his girlfriend were injured, so he headed out to help them, and that includes moving them into their new apartment." He would skip the part where Dean had left him after they had slept together. 

"Well, if he plans on just leaving you here, I might need to beat him around a bit," he chuckled, taking a drink. Castiel stayed silent. Dean said he would call again today, but he hadn't, and he was beginning to worry. What if Dean didn't really mean what he had said? What if he had only needed the lay, and didn't care if Castiel felt anything? So many questions were circling around in his head that when Crowley snapped his fingers in front of him, he blinked and looked up. "Sorry, I was thinking." The other man rolled his eyes and just waved it off, walking to his own room, leaving Castiel there. 

It was around ten that Dean finally called, and Castiel could not be more relieved. "Dean, are you alright?" "What? Yeah, Cas. I'm fine. Though I should be asking that. You sound better," his voice sounded sincere, but Castiel might have just been imagining that. "I feel much better. Crowley came home today. Gabriel and Anna sent me a package too," he would not say what was in it, because that would only make it harder for him to talk to Dean. "Well looky there. Cas is all popular. I would've done something too, but I just finished driving Sam and Jess to their temporary hotel. I just checked into my own room at some motel close to where they're looking for apartments, and the couple next door is banging so loud, and..." he trailed off, and Castiel swallowed what he had been about to say. "Dean... about that night... I need to know, did you really mean that?" It was silent for a good minute. "About wanting it since high school?... Yeah, Cas... I did. It was so hard for me to leave you, but Sammy needed me, and I swear I'll be back soon." "Dean." "Yeah, Cas. I know." Silence again, and Castiel sighed. "I'll talk to you later, I need to sleep. Good night, Dean." "'Night, Cas." 

His cell phone was turned off before he laid onto his pillow, looking up at the ceiling. Dean meant it, which meant... which meant that maybe his love wasn't in vain, and that maybe... maybe something could come of it. That was Castiel's last thought before he drifted to sleep, sweet dreams filling his mind.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been almost two months after his house burned down that Castiel found himself in his new apartment. Gabriel and Anna had both helped him a great amount, and Crowley had as well, paying for the first year of rent. He had his own furniture, and he had almost all of his things, though they were new. He'd worked more hours to get more money, as he would again try to gain a small house instead of an apartment. Castiel didn't do well when he had neighbors. 

One Thursday night, he was walking home from work, still rather close since he moved, when a gust of wind made him stop. The snow hadn't fallen in a couple days, but it was still all over the town. This October would be a lot colder than others. He tied his coat up tighter, and hurried up the stairs, fumbling through his pocket for his keys. As he unlocked the door he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He closed the door before looking to see who it was. Dean had tried to call him before, but his phone had been off while at work, and now he was texting him. 

**Dean:** _hey cas. u moved? crowley's home is empty._  
 **Castiel:** _Yes. I'm at 247 Woodland Way, apartment 13. It's upstairs._  
 **Dean:** _awesome. c u soon._

The small conversation ended and Castiel slumped against his door. 

Dean was here? They hadn't had many conversations the past two months, but apparently Dean had landed a small job in California, and it paid well, so he stayed there longer. Castiel had told him it was okay, but he hadn't told him how much it would hurt to not see him in such a long time. He just threw his briefcase into his room and hung his overcoat up, looking through the kitchen for something that could be good for dinner. There wasn't even enough food for Castiel by himself. 

He didn't get anymore time to think about it though as someone knocked on his door. Mr. Cat happened to jump at him from the counter at the moment, stopping him for a second as he held his cat. Opening the door he saw Dean brushing fresh snow from his hair, cursing under his breath as he juggled the couple bags in his hands. Castiel dropped his cat, moving to help him. "Dean, let me take some of those," he offered, taking the bags in his left hand as he moved so Dean could enter his apartment. The door closed after his friend entered, closing the chill out. 

"Damn, could barely find the place, Cas. You had to chose the place all the way in the back?" "I only have one neighbor this way, Dean. Um, you could place your things in the spare bedroom. I'll get something for dinner," he smiled as he and Dean shuffled the items into the room. "Actually, dinner's this bag here," Dean raised his right hand, holding out a warm paper bag. Castiel blinked, taking the bag from him. "Well, get situated then.. I'll be in the kitchen," he nodded his head and left quickly, trying to hide his face. 

Castiel was overjoyed that Dean was here, and even on such short notice, but he didn't know if he was emotionally ready to deal with him. The last time he had just up on left after they slept together, and he hadn't been able to really focus on it because he had been sick. It had really distracted him, and he wasn't able to think straight. Sighing one last time, he sat down at his table, getting some water for both of them, rubbing his eyes. 

Dean joined him minutes later, his jacket off, leaving him in his flannel and t-shirt, the sleeves folded up. "Stopped by Ted's. I thought since we both liked the food, that it'd be good to bring it." Dean smiled, getting their food out of the bag and divvying it out. They ate silently, at least Castiel did as Dean told him about his time in California. "I mean, seriously Cas, compared to here, it was mild. Didn't even rain a lot," this was said around a full mouth of french fries, which he swallowed down with some water. "How are Sam and Jessica?" "The two are gonna get hitched next February! I was actually there when he dropped the question. I'm so proud of him, but he was such a girl about it." Cas smiled slightly, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "They must be very happy. When will you need to leave for the wedding?" 

Dean fell silent, finishing off his drink before wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Uh, about that. Sam said I could bring someone, and I was wondering... if you'd like to go too?" Castiel stared at Dean, not really believing what was happening. "But I haven't even seen or talked to Sam since we were 17, and I don't think it would be really appropriate for me to go. I mean... I don't even know Jessica." Dean just chuckled, putting his folded hands behind his head. "Well, doesn't really matter, does it? I said I wanted to take you, now is that a yes, or no? Plus, I'm sure Sam would like talking to you about everything you've, uh, learned and stuff." Castiel slumped back in his chair, biting his lip as he did. 

"Do you really want me there?" He avoided Dean's gaze, fidgeting with his tie as he stared at his feet. "Cas, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Of course I want you there, Cas. I mean... Cas," Dean paused, and Castiel looked up, sighing as he did. He gathered their trash and placed it in the garbage can, not saying a word as he walked to his own bedroom, and locked himself inside. Dean knocked on the door behind him, wanting in, saying that they could talk now, and that he shouldn't be doing this. Castiel just covered his head with his pillow, trying to block his voice out. "Dean, I just need to rest, leave me alone," his voice broke as he said this, and he buried his head in his pillow again. 

Castiel never fell asleep, and at around two in the morning, he really needed to use the restroom. He got up quietly, unlocking his door as he hurried into the door across. The bathroom was dark and cold, so he was woken up from any type of sleep he could have gotten. He relieved himself and was washing his hands when he heard Dean walking around the apartment. Turning the faucet off, he dried his hands and put his ear to the bathroom door, only to have Dean knock on it seconds later. "Cas, can we please talk about this?" He stepped back from the door, unlocking it and opening it just a little. "I don't know if I can, Dean." The door was opened all the way and Castiel was pushed against the sink as Dean took his hands. He looked into Castiel's eyes and then closed his as he kissed him. 

"Dean," Cas mumbled against his lips, only to lose himself in the slow rhythm. Dean let go of his hands as his traveled to caress his waist, Cas's wandered up into his hair, and to rest on his neck as their mouths stayed pressed together. They finally separated, and Cas leaned his forehead against Dean's. "Cas, you have no clue how much I just wanted to find you... I... I was a dick after you moved. People just kept leaving and forgettin', and I figured you'd forget me too. Cas, I'm..." he couldn't get it out, and Castiel kissed him again, his mouth lingering over Dean's as he slowly opened his eyes again. "Everyone was leaving me too, Dean. You were the only one that stayed... and after you left.. It doesn't matter. I just don't want you to leave again, Dean. I don't know if I can handle it." 

"Cas, I don't think I could either," and then he leaned forward again, kissing him harder, with more force, just holding Castiel as close as he could. As close as it was possible. Dean led his tongue on Cas's bottom lip, and Castiel met it with his own, wanting to take all of Dean that he possibly could. It was hard to keep up though, as the lack of sleep slowly crept into Castiel, and he slowed. "Dean.. I need to rest.. I haven't slept.. and," he stopped as Dean kissed him again. "I know, me either. Come on," he led Castiel from the bathroom into his bedroom, and removed the covers, and the majority of their clothing, leaving them both in their underwear. "Just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise," Dean kissed him again before slipping into the bed, Castiel next to him. He curled up in Dean's embrace, shivering slightly until Dean pulled him closer. If Cas focused, he could hear the beating of his heart. It wasn't long until the two were sound asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

The sun was slowly coming through Castiel's window, peaking through the curtains that hadn't been closed all the way. He shifted slightly, only to be stopped by the arms surrounding him. Just knowing that Dean had stayed made this brilliant heat erupt deep within his chest. Castiel smiled, opening his eyes to see Dean's looking lazily upon him, a small smile playing on his lips as well. "Good morning, Dean," he said, leaning forward to kiss him. He wasn't sure if this was alright, but Dean wasn't pushing him away, so it must have been fine. "I need to go to work this morning. I can't just stay here with you," he said as he began to get up. "Yeah, and I need to check the place out for a job. Is that car shop still looking for a mechanic?" Castiel chuckled as he stretched, stifling a yawn afterwards. "Yes, and I'm certain you are overqualified for the job. I can give you the address if you have forgotten it." 

With that, the two went to work getting dressed and ready to leave the apartment. Castiel fetched some bread from the fridge, quickly toasting the four pieces and buttering them, spreading some jam on Dean's. "I'll drive you to work, that okay?" "It's fine, but I need to leave soon," he said around a piece of bread as he skimmed through his missed text messages. Gabriel had texted him about missing the anniversary, and how he and Dean were doing. Crowley had texted him telling him that he was leaving for Italy in a couple days. Plenty of things to keep on his mind. He drank the rest of his milk and grabbed his overcoat from the hook, pulling it on and buttoning it up slightly. "Let's go," he told Dean, who just hummed his agreement from the kitchen, quickly joining him. 

The car ride was short, and as he was about to leave the car Dean took his sleeve, pulling him in for a short kiss. "Have a good day, might come over with lunch later," and then he was zooming off down the road, leaving Castiel breathless on the curb. Gathering his thoughts, he entered the library, Garth already there. He waved to him, a smile lighting up his face as he sat down at his station. Castiel felt that it was going to be a good day. 

Around one, Dean walked through the door to the library, a brown paper bag in his hands as he approached Castiel. "Hey, hope you're not full. Just stopped by this other diner to get some food, and damn is it good," he brought a chair from a near by table and stuck it next to Castiel's behind the counter, sitting down as he brought the food out. They talked quietly as they ate, just about different things, such as books and sports, nothing too deep. When they were finished, Dean threw everything away and said he was going back to the apartment, saying he didn't start his job till Monday. "The spare key is just on the top doorjamb. If.. if you could go grocery shopping as well. There is some spare cash in a wallet under my nightstand," Dean nodded as Castiel told him this, just raising his hand up in a good bye before leaving the library. 

Garth approached him almost immediately. "So who's the guy? New boyfriend?" Castiel blinked. He hadn't really thought about their relationship like that, especially not in a 'boyfriend' type way. "It's... complicated. He is living with me at the moment, and... I don't really know. Why?" Garth rolled his eyes playfully, leaning against the pillar next to Castiel's station. "The guy totally has the hots for you. What's his name?" "Dean... and what? Really?" From confusion to disbelief, Castiel couldn't really tell if Garth was telling the truth or not, but he had never known him to lie. "Yeah, written all over his face. He was smiling really hard the whole time he was here. Anyways, I better get back to the cafe, seems like someone wants something," and Garth left him thinking about it. 

Dean was there to pick him up when he got off work, driving them home in the light rain. They parked in the closest spot to his apartment, but Castiel stayed where he was. "Dean, can I ask you a question?" The other man looked him over, seemingly a bit skeptical. "Yeah, sure Cas." "I was wondering... are we, boyfriends?" Dean didn't reply, and he looked at his feet, then his hands. "I guess.. but that.." ".. doesn't seem to do it justice?" Castiel caught his gaze and made sure he held it. "Yeah." Leaning forward, Castiel gave him a quick kiss. "Come on, we should get dinner going," he patted Dean's leg and got out of the car, walking up his stairs, not really believing what was happening. 

Dinner was simple enough, just some clam chowder with rolls. He also got some crackers and cheese out for Dean, who seemed to like his chowder chunky. They watched a baseball game while they ate, Castiel not paying that much attention as he skimmed through the newspaper. He did the dishes, and returned to sit next to Dean on the couch, leaning into him slightly as he watched the television screen. "I can't believe you still like this sport," he mused, smirking. Castiel could tell where this would go. "I can't believe I didn't convert you earlier. It's an American game, Cas. How can you not like it?" "It just doesn't catch my interest, is all. Though sports in general seem a bit... much," he looked to Dean who was rolling his eyes, but draped an arm around his shoulders anyways. 

"Baseball is different though..." and he rambled on about baseball's different workings and the different aspects there were to it. Castiel made sure to pay attention, for fear that Dean would repeat it again if he couldn't answer enough of his questions at the end. 

The game ended around ten, and Castiel stifled a yawn, blinking a few times before getting up. "Tomorrow is Saturday.. would you like to do anything?" he glanced at Dean, who was just flipping the remote onto the reclining chair. "Staying here sounds just fine to me, but we could go out if you want," he replied. They got up, and retreated to the bedroom, Dean's things now in there. It hadn't been thought of, it just seemed natural that they share a bed. And it was too cold otherwise anyways. 

Around midnight, Castiel was turning his small lamp off, placing his book on the nightstand, when Dean rolled over to look at him. "Do you need something, Dean?" "Nah, just thinking." Castiel smiled and brought their lips together briefly, turning the other way. Dean came up behind him, forming his body to Cas's before wrapping an arm around his waist. "Good night, Dean," he whispered. At that Dean placed a kiss on his neck before whispering into his ear, "'Night, Cas." 

Dreams crept into Castiel's mind, the kinda of dreams he hadn't had since he was a teenager, and when he woke the next morning, he felt a bit embarrassed to already be half-hard. Cas hurried into the bathroom, turning the shower on, hoping he hadn't quite woken Dean up yet. Jerking off in the shower was not something Castiel was used to, but it helped to get rid of his problem. Washing his hair quickly, he stepped out, rubbing the mirror to see his reflection. Running the towel over his head, he put his underwear back on and walked back into the bedroom to see Dean getting dressed. 

"Oh, um. Sorry," he turned his head away, getting his own clothes out. "Don't be, it's your room," Dean walked up behind him, placing his hands on his waist and kissing his shoulder. Castiel leaned in to the contact, closing his eyes slightly. "I should get dressed... we can go out somewhere." Dean let go, and Castiel pulled some jeans on, and a plain t-shirt. They went out to the living room, and Castiel put down a small container of cat food for Mr. Cat. 

"So where to?" Dean asked, leaning against the kitchen counter. Castiel pulled his overcoat on, making sure it was dry from last night. "I don't know. There's a cafe, and we can just... go up to the hill we ate at before. It seems nice enough outside," Castiel really had no clue what else they could do, not when they were still catching up. When they were still making it up as they went. "That sounds awesome. Let's get going then," Dean patted him on the back and stepped towards the door. Castiel pocketed his phone and his keys, joining him. With the door closed and locked, they walked to the Impala, on their way to the cafe, and then the hill. 

They had just finished breakfast, and were sitting on the bench under the tree when Castiel got a phone call. "Sorry, I'll be right back," Castiel said, digging his phone out of his pocket and jogging to stand by the Impala. "Hello?" "Hey, bro! You never texted me back! Seems your new boyfriend is taking up all your time?" "Gabriel? How...? We're fine, but why are you asking?" Castiel was utterly confused with how Gabriel knew.. or maybe he had just assumed. "Thanks for telling me, bro. It's not everyday you hook up. Also, because we're moving up our wedding date. It's gonna be Halloween, in Spain. Awesome, right?" Castiel almost stopped breathing, and he finally swallowed before he began to talk again. "Yes, but I don't have flights planned for then. That's only in a couple weeks. Didn't you want me there a couple days before? Gabriel, you should have consulted me about this!" 

"Relax, Cas! I already sent the plane tickets for you and your boy toy, return too. Hotel room booked and everything. You're leaving a week from Monday. Okay, Kali's calling my name from the hot tub, text me!" His brother hung up after that. "Gabriel!" he shouted at his phone, and angrily shoved it into his pocket as he walked back over to Dean, sitting on the bench. "What'd the dick do this time?" "He moved his wedding forward, it's going to be on Halloween, and he expects me to just drop everything so I can fly to Spain... and he got tickets for you too," he glanced at Dean who's eyes were wide. "Woah, woah, woah. I am not flying to Spain. How long of a flight is that? Would that be with connecting flights? God dammit. I thought he was a dick before. Cas, I can't go.... that's, god." Dean closed his eyes, his hands on his forehead as he leaned back into the bench. 

It stayed silent, and Castiel sighed, digging his palms into his eyes. "I know, but I have to go. I'm his best man, and... Dean, it would be so much easier with you there.. but I understand if you still can't go." The absence of sound was now something he recognized as their time to think and mull over things, and he hoped Dean would change his mind, but that wasn't likely. "You gotta get me some meds for it then. I don't know how long a flight it is, but any flight is too long for me," Dean seemed to be choosing his words, and Castiel removed his hands, staring at him. Without thinking, he moved closer, pulling Dean's face towards his, kissing him soundly on the mouth. 

It was welcome of course, but soon after snow began falling, breaking them apart to watch it come from the sky. "Sure snows a lot too," Dean said, and Castiel nodded in agreement. "We'd better get back to the apartment. It'd be warmer there," Castiel pulled Dean's hand, gravitating them towards the car. Before they entered the car though, Dean pulled Cas in for another kiss, his hands now running rampantly through his hair as Cas held Dean's shirt close. Castiel could hear Dean open the back door of the Impala, and then he was being pushed in, his back against the seat. With the door closed, Dean settled himself above Cas, his knees on either side of his legs as he continued to dip his head down to entangle their lips and tongue over and over. 

Castiel could barely keep up with what was happening, so when he suddenly felt a hand go down his pants he bucked up. "Dean," he gasped, and he smiled as he kissed him. "I got ya', Cas. Don't worry." It didn't last long, though, because Dean started struggling with his own pants, pushing them down to his knees before he kissed Castiel again. The friction created when Dean dug his hips into Castiel's made him cry out, and he gripped Dean's back, trying to find some sort of purchase. "Dean," he breathed again, kissing his neck as Dean took his cock in his hand, rubbing it against his own. They both shuddered, and Castiel moved his hips into Dean's again, making sure to press hard enough where they could both feel it. 

Dean was taken off guard by that, his own dick wanting the attention Cas was willing to give. He just kissed Cas again, pumping their members together. Slow at first, and then Castiel just couldn't handle that. "Dean, you need to go... faster. Now!" the strangled shout turned into a moan as Dean complied, pushing Castiel more into the seat as he shoved their hips and cocks together. The heat was getting to be too much for Cas, and he could feel that he was close. "Dean.. I'm... I'm.. Dean!" Dean had thrust his hips down, one more time, his hand cupping his balls as he squeezed. 

Castiel's climax was punched out of him, his vision going white for a couple seconds, his breathing stopping as his back arched. The next thing he new, Dean was crying his name as he came, and they lay there, catching their breath. "That wasn't... the wisest idea... Dean. Your car... will smell like.. sex for weeks," Cas panted, closing his eyes. "Smell like you," Dean replied, kissing him again. It took several minutes before either of them were able to move, and Dean reached down and retrieved a towel that was underneath the seat. They cleaned up as best they could, both agreeing that they would try to keep it to a bed, or at least not the vehicle from now on. The car ride home was warm, and Castiel couldn't help but smile. Hopefully there would be more of this in Spain.


	18. Chapter 18

Castiel glanced over again to Dean, who decided he would take the aisle seat both flights. "Are you sure you don't want anything to distract you, Dean? It might help," he whispered, Dean only shaking his head. "'m fine. Just need to fall asleep after... we take off," his voice was shaky, and he was gripping the arm rests, even though they were just taxing, waiting for an open runway. They had gotten to the airport rather early, and Gabriel, being himself, had gotten them first class seats, so they were some of the first people to board. They had driven from their small town to a larger international airport, so as to only take the two flights, instead of three there and back. Their stop would be in London, where they could catch a connecting flight to Spain with a two hour layover. 

The captain spoke over the intercom, telling them to fasten seat belts, and to pay attention to the video that would play as they took off from the airport. Dean had buckled as soon as their things were stowed away and Castiel in his seat. He only hoped the Winchester would calm down a bit before they were fully in the air, as turbulence was always an option. Castiel sighed, and he slipped his hand into Dean's squeezing it. "You're going to be alright. There is a higher chance of getting into a car crash than of a plane crash," he reminded him, nodding his head as he did so. "Well Cas, I've been in one of those, so I'm not lookin' forward to this," Dean just squeezed his hand in return, taking that instead of the armrest. There was no chance in getting him to calm down, so Castiel gave up, just letting Dean grip his hand for dear life. 

They were in the sky in no time, and it seemed as most of the other passengers were retiring to sleep, turning their lights off, closing the windows, and using the pillows and blankets provided. "Dean, you can sleep now. We've been in the air almost an hour," Castiel squeezed his hand again, as his own had lost almost all feeling. "Alright, awesome. Hey, d'you think we could get some beer on this flight?" "Yes, but it costs extra, so just let me get my wallet out," Castiel knew alcohol seemed to sooth some part of Dean, and if it helped, than he was okay with spending the extra money. "Cas, I can pay for it. I'm not broke. Just because the shop... I have money," Dean reached around to get his wallet from his back pocket and pressed the flight attendant button.

Castiel opened his window as they were instructed to, as they were leaving the plane. He looked over to Dean, who was still sleeping. "Dean, you need to wake up, the plane's landed," he shook his shoulder lightly, hoping it would be enough. The other man jerked awake, blinking his eyes a couple times at the light. "What? We're on the ground? Thank god, let's get off his insane metal tube," Dean hurriedly got his suitcase down, handing Castiel's to him afterwards while they got off of the plane. They headed towards their next gate, sitting down in some of the seats. 

"You slept practically the whole time, Dean," Castiel smiled at this, it made it easier for him too. "Yeah, I know, but I won't be able to do that on the next flight. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Castiel slumped in his chair, and sighed. "I could go buy you a book from the little shop over there. I'll get us some coffee too," and with that, Cas got up, patting Dean on the shoulder before he was off down the massive walkway towards the food court. 

The book shop had a smaller selection than what he thought it would, but Dean wouldn't like any of the books Castiel had brought, especially since they were on his small kindle. He gave up and grabbed a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five, paying for it before he darted off to find a Starbucks. With extra shots of espresso in his, and Dean's as black as they could allow, he headed back to the gate, his hands full. 

He tapped Dean on the shoulder with the book and coffee, and the man turned around, taking them off of his hands. "Vonnegut? How'd you know, Cas?" Dean chuckled, looking at the book's covers before placing it on his suitcase. "Have you read much of his work?" Castiel took his seat next to Dean, smelling his coffee and sighing before taking a long drink. "Yeah, I've read a couple, but I never get tired of it," and then the conversation stemmed into more books and things that the two had both read. Castiel was quite content with just doing that. 

About ten minutes before boarding, Castiel stood, stretching his limbs one last time before they were stuck in the airplane again. "I'm going to use the restroom before he we board, I'll be right back," Castiel then walked the little ways towards the men's restroom, not bothering to take notice that Dean was following him a couple feet back. 

After relieving himself, Castiel washed his hands and was about to exit the bathroom when Dean took his hands and led him into the handicap stall. Cas was easily pinned against the wall, and Dean claimed his mouth for his own, holding Castiel's hands to either side of him. Cas made a muffled sound of surprise, but didn't push him away. When they separated to catch their breath, Cas got out, "Dean, you left our things unattended?" Dean shook his head, kissing Castiel again before he answered, "There was an old woman who offered to watch it. She didn't seem suspicious." Castiel couldn't help but laugh at that, his hands being released as he moved them to Dean hair and pulled him forward to kiss him again. 

There was banging on the stall door, and Dean groaned, kissing Castiel one last time. "I'm going to have to ask you gentlemen to return to your gate or leave the airport," came the sound of a security guard. Dean sighed and walked over to the door, opening it before stepping out. "Sorry, sir. Couldn't help myself," and with that smug look on Dean's face, Castiel swore his was beet red. The security guard rolled his eyes. "Just keep it private, okay?" "Yes, sir. Come on, Cas," Dean held out his hand, and he took it, quickly following him out of the bathroom. 

They were getting their things situated in the plane, the suitcases going above their heads, and their carry-ons under the seat in front of them. Castiel sat down and sighed, his face still felt hot. "Dean, that was embarrassing," he finally managed to tell him. "Yeah, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to make out with you anywhere else without causing distractions," Dean smiled as he sat down, leaning over the armrest to kiss Castiel again. The heat returned to his face as he kissed back. "Well... we can continue what was interrupted once we're in our hotel room," he murmured. Dean smirked at that. Castiel was sure from that point on that Dean was indeed trying to kill him.


	19. Chapter 19

Castiel mindlessly itched at his neck, the bow-tie being rather uncomfortable since it was almost choking him. He looked over the covered dance floor, sighing. The wedding was now over, and it was just him and a few other people hanging around as people left. Gabriel and Kali were gone off to their honeymoon, and Anna and Ruby had also retired to their hotel. Castiel hadn't seen Dean since before the wedding had started, so he was rather tired of not knowing many people. He stood and stretched his arms, figuring he would find Dean at the hotel room when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned to see Dean, holding his hand out. "May I have this dance?" As soon as he said that, a slow song started playing, and Castiel looked to see the DJ smiling at Dean, giving him the thumbs up. "Dean... I.. yes," he took Dean's hand, and they walked onto the dance floor. 

They slowly twirled around the almost deserted dance floor, Dean's arms around Castiel, as his own arms wrapped around his neck as the leaned their forehead together. "Dean. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. And you still don't have a job when we get back... but, thank you. Thank you for coming," he smiled up at him, taking in the way Dean's eyes sparkled in the setting sun. "No problem, Cas. I mean, it's not like I'm broke.. but let's not talk about that. We're supposed to be on vacation," and Dean leaned forward, gently kissing Castiel. They still slowly moved around, the music no longer playing, and everyone else gone except for them, the only light coming from the sun that was almost gone over the horizon. 

"We should probably get going," Castiel slowly unwrapped his arms from around Dean's neck, and Dean took his hands, kissing him again. "Yeah, let's get back." They slowly made their way to a curb, away from the beach, and called a taxi. The ride home was excruciatingly slow, and Dean almost ran towards the elevator as they made it to their hotel. "Dean, it's fine, we'll get there soon enough," Castiel whispered as they rode the elevator to the 23rd floor. It wasn't fast enough for Dean, who, once the other couple exited the elevator at floor 17, pushed Castiel against the wall again, pushing his leg in between his. Their mouths collided in a hot fury as Dean tried to push closer, his hands ravaging through Castiel's hair. He only stopped when they heard a small ding, telling them that they were on their floor. From there, they did run to their room. 

Once inside their room, Dean had had a hard time getting the key card into the small slot to open the door, Castiel took control, pushing Dean against the door before joining their mouths again. Bow-ties were taken off hastily, though not without difficulty, as they began to undress on their slow but sure travel to the bed. Control wavered, sometimes Castiel just letting Dean take everything he could give, and sometimes not being able to handle not driving Dean absolutely crazy with his own body. Though in the end, Castiel ended up back down on the bed, looking to Dean who was situated above him. They caught their breath, sweat slicked bodies pressed together, their simple nakedness making the heat almost unbearable. "Dean," Castiel moaned, his hips thrusting upwards to have his dick collide with his partner's. Dean returned thee gesture, groaning as he did. "I got ya, Cas. Don't worry," and that was when Dean began to slowly mark his way down Castiel's body, biting and sucking in all the right places that elicited glorious sounds from Cas. 

Castiel had his eyes shut tightly, his hands in Dean's hair, unable to find anything else to grasp. "Dean.. I need you... please," he forced his eyes open, and shuddered as he saw Dean's green eyes staring back at him, his head right between his thighs. "Cas.. I got ya, you're gonna be fine.... damn... so beautiful when you're all restless," he chuckled lightly, licking lightly up Cas's cock. "Dean... if you continue to talk, I will kill you," he managed to get out before Dean's mouth covered his head. His feet hooked around Dean's back, and he had both his hands holding onto Dean's ever growing hair, slipping through as he tried to adapt to the circle of heat around him. 

Dean seemed to be laughing, with Castiel's cock in his mouth. He brought his hand around the base, pumping up as he slowly made his way down. Castiel found himself pushing into Dean's mouth, trying to get more, and he felt the tight coil in his groin tighten. Then Dean removed his hand, his mouth lowering until he had everything he could fit. Then he swallowed, and Castiel couldn't stop himself from trembling, and constantly saying Dean's name, no longer knowing if he was pleading or just telling him to continue. Then Dean continued to suck and swallow, and Castiel couldn't take it. He could feel it beginning to happen. "Dean.. I'm... Dean!" he screamed as his came, and Dean kept him inside his mouth, swallowing his release. 

He was calming down when Dean came back up to kiss him, hands running down his sides, and through his hair. "Love it when you're so undone, Cas," he mouthed against his neck, sucking lightly, and then peppering kisses all over his collarbone and chest. Cas could still feel Dean's cock against his thigh, hard, and leaking with pre-come. "It's my turn," Cas then slowly brought Dean's face up to his, kissing him hot and feverishly as he turned them over, his hand reaching down to stroke him slowly. He lowered himself, scraping his teeth lightly over Dean's stomach as he continued to stroke him. Castiel licked the head of Dean's cock, mouthing the shaft lightly, licking his way up until he took it into his mouth. 

Castiel figured that Dean must have been extremely close this whole time, because it only took a few long strokes, and light sucking until he was coming, his back arching as he gripped Castiel's hair in his hands. His chest rumbled as he calmed down, and Cas sighed, resting his head on Dean's chest, his arms moving to wrap around him. Dean pulled him closer, and kissing the top of his head before sighing. Castiel was content with this, and he found that his chest had the same indefinable heat as when he woke up with Dean with him. Things felt right, and he soon fell fast asleep, Dean with him.


	20. Chapter 20

Castiel sighed as he felt Dean move next to him. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up in bed and looking over. It had been like this for over a month now, and Castiel could think of nothing that made him happier. Dean had been able to get the job at the auto shop back, and they were doing well. Of course, Crowley and Gabriel were still helping with the rent, even if Castiel told them he could handle it now. It meant that they could save up the money for a small house Castiel had his eyes on, a small almost cottage on the edge of town, big enough for them and one more. It was a bright Saturday morning, at least Castiel could now tell when Dean opened the curtains. "Are you trying to blind me?" Castiel asked, smiling just a bit as he stood up and walked over to the other man. "Naw, because then I wouldn't have anyone to tell me how good looking I am," Dean smirked and pulled him close. "You? Good looking? You look more like a troll, really," Castiel couldn't keep his smile at bay any longer, and he kissed Dean. 

The two had a routine now, and Saturday mornings were for chores, and the rest of the day was spent however they chose. Castiel cleaned the bathroom, while Dean cleaned the kitchen, and they both helped in their bedroom, folding laundry and making the bed. The spare room was now an office, with a small bookcase and a desk. Castiel kept his laptop in there, and Dean spare parts he was fixing up. They cleaned hurriedly, and ate breakfast. "Where are we headed today, Cas?" he asked, putting his cup of coffee down at the table. "I don't know... I had a couple of applications for interns at the library I was going to go over today," his voice faded as he said that, Dean looking at him skeptically. "Really? On your day off? I say we go for a drive, maybe stop at the park you like. We could always go pick out a small tree. Christmas is in a couple days," Dean raised an eyebrow, wanting to know Castiel's take on the option. 

"That seems.. fine. Let me get dressed," and Castiel stood up from the table, walking over to their room, Dean managing to pat his ass as he did. "Hey, don't get all gussied up, Cas, okay?" Dean's voice came from the kitchen, the clinking of dishes in the background. Castiel rolled his eyes, and settled on jeans and an old shirt. He pulled Sam's old sweatshirt over that, and put his overcoat on. He stepped into the kitchen to see Dean making a cup of coffee to go, ready and waiting for Castiel. "Let's go," Dean smirked and walked over to the door, walking out and down the stairs as Castiel locked the door. 

They drove in a comfortable silence until they were on the familiar hill they had spent so much time on. Snow covered the ground, the sky cloudless, and sun shining brightly. They leaned on the hood of the Impala, close, sharing body heat. "Hey, I have a surprise for you... and early present so to say," Dean cupped Castiel's chin as he looked to him, pulling him forward to kiss him again. "What is it?" "You'll find out once we get there," Dean kissed him again and was walking around to get back inside the car. Castiel looked at him with confusion, and sighed, entering the car as well. They continued to drive, and Castiel found the place around them now familiar. "Where are we?" "Just wait a couple more minutes, alright?" Castiel groaned, slipping further into his seat. He hated surprises.

They stopped on the foot of a hill, Dean parking and walking around to open Castiel's door. Cas on the other hand, just looked out of the window, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "Where are we, Dean?" "Cas, just wait, and walk with me, okay?" Dean couldn't hide his smile, and Castiel was wary. The place seemed familiar, and he followed Dean up the small set of stairs, up the hill. They came to a path that sloped upwards and Castiel stopped as he saw the house. It wasn't the one he had wanted to get, but it was so much better. A two story old Victorian era building, with a window that spanned two floors. There was a sign in the front yard, a big sticker reading 'SOLD'. "Dean... what is this?" He gripped onto his arm, completely confused, his heart beating rapidly. 

"It's your early Christmas present. I couldn't wait, and we need a tree. Wasn't really enough space in the apartment," Dean whispered next to his ear, kissing him just above that. "Dean! We can't afford this, how did you..?" "I might have chipped in just a bit," came the familiar voice of Crowley. Castiel turned around to see the man in his black suit, his hands inside his pockets, a smirk on his face. "Crowley... I... I can never repay you for this. Why?" Dean held him close as Crowley stepped forward. "I have the money, and I don't really have anything to spend it on, so why not? And this way you're close, and you could come over for a fag and a chat sometime. It's hard keeping up with you Novaks." Castiel looked from Crowley to Dean, "And you knew about this?" "Dean's the one who came up with the idea in the first place, Cas. Now, why don't we work on getting all your things moved in, shall we?" 

Things flew off from there. A truck was already at their apartment when they went back, and they were already in the process of boxing everything up. There wasn't much, since the house fire, and that made it a lot easier. Around seven at night, everything was settled in, and Crowley had again surprised them with new furniture. Castiel hugged and kissed him on the cheek before returning to Dean in the doorway of their new house. They retreated back to their room after a late dinner, Castiel slowly putting his pajamas on. The new heating system hadn't yet been installed, and that meant cold nights. 

Castiel stood in front of their window, looking over the small town. Dean came up behind him, his hands on his hips, kissing lightly on his shoulder. "Hey, it's been a long day.. I say we get some shut eye and go shopping for some serious movies tomorrow," Dean kissed his neck before Castiel turned around. "What about a Christmas tree?" "That too," and Dean kissed him. It was slow, both of them knowing they could always pick it up, but reveling in the fact that it didn't have to end there, that they could just do this and be happy with it. "Well, let's get to sleep then, I'll get the lights," Castiel kissed Dean one last time and headed for the bedroom door, closing it and turning the lights off after. He slipped into bed and smiled as Dean wrapped himself around him. 

The next morning was just like it had been back at the apartment, except their kitchen was on the first floor, and a lot larger. Dean made waffles and bacon, serving their plates as Castiel came out of the shower. "We should leave soon," he said, ruffling Castiel's hair before sitting across from him. They ate in silence, both of them content with how things were. As they finished up, and Castiel did the dishes, Dean got ready to leave. "So hey, anybody coming over for Christmas?" Castiel wiped his hands on his jeans, looking to Dean. "No, why?" "Well, I invited Sam and Jess over.. and they might be coming in later today," he smiled, his cheeks turning a very light shade of pink. "I guess that'll be it then. It'll be nice to see Sam again." It was left at that, the two leaving to pick out a Christmas tree. 

Hauling the tree back home wasn't as easy as Castiel thought it would be, but they had help from one of their close neighbors. As they were about to start putting the ornaments on, the doorbell rang. Castiel walked over to answer it to see Sam, and who he assumed must be Jessica. "Hey Castiel," Sam smiled, putting his hand forward. "Hello, Sam. Jessica. It's a pleasure to meet you," Castiel shook Sam's hand and went to shake Jessica's. "Sam's here? Cas, why didn't you tell me?" came Dean's voice from the kitchen. He was in the process of making a large dinner for all of them. "They just arrived Dean. Anyways, come in, I'll show you to the guest bedroom," Castiel closed the door behind them, and smiled. Sam had grown considerably since he had been in middle school, towering over all of them now. His hair was longer as well, but it seemed to suit him. 

After more things were put away, and dinner served, Castiel could see why Sam and Jessica were getting married. They all sat at the table, Castiel and Dean sitting next to one another with Sam and Jessica on the other side. "So, how is pre-law treating you, Sam?" "It's fine, though I don't think I'd be able to get through it without Jess here," and the way he looked at Jessica made Cas smile. They were truly happy.

Things continued like that until later, when Dean and Sam busied themselves with placing the ornaments on the tree while Jessica and Castiel made cookies from an old family recipe. They all sat down in the living room, on the couch in front of the TV with some version of 'A Christmas Carol' on. Dean fell asleep halfway through, most likely from consuming too much at dinner, so he was lying on the couch with his legs over Castiel's lap. The movie ended, and it was time for everyone to retire, the cookies being too hot to eat before they went to bed. It seemed to Castiel that this would be a wonderful Christmas.


	21. Chapter 21

New Years had come and gone, and so had Sam and Jessica, returning to California for college. Dean and Castiel continued to live with one another, everything seeming right and flowing easily. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. February rolled around, and a week before Valentine's Day, Dean started to pack a suitcase. Castiel knew he should probably be doing the same as well, so they could head out to California for Sam and Jessica's wedding, but he received a distressing phone call the day before they were supposed to leave. 

"Gabriel, are you absolutely positive?" Castiel glanced towards Dean, who was leaning on the kitchen counter, his arms crossed over his chest. "Yes, for the last time, Cas. I'm one hundred percent sure it's them. The doc said there's a slim chance of them making it, and they both wanted to see you and Anna." Castiel closed his eyes, sighing. "Gabriel... I'll fly over as soon as I can," he avoided looking at Dean after he hung up. "So? What's going on?" Castiel sat down in one of the chairs at the table, his head in his hands. "They've located Michael and Luke... and they're both dying from an accident." He looked through his fingers to see Dean clearly surprised. "Aren't they like, eight years older than you?" "Yes... and they've wished to see both me and Anna as soon as possible..." and he knew what that meant. 

Dean swallowed thickly and just nodded his head. "Well, that's alright. I mean, family comes first, right?" he smiled, but it quickly faded. Castiel sighed, standing up. "I need to book a flight as soon as I can, and leave... I.. could you drive me to the airport?" Dean shook his head quickly, getting up as well. "Yeah, and hell, I need to start packing too." Talking stopped there as the two both hurried to ready for the separate journeys. 

That night, as Castiel had been able to get stand by tickets to New York, Dean drove him to the airport, dropping him off. Castiel made sure to kiss him thoroughly before stepping out of the car. He watched as the Impala sped away, and he retreated into the airport, away from the chilled air. Everything was routine now, and he headed for his gate alone and quiet, not really noticing anything going on around him. Dean texted him before he boarded the plane, telling him that he'd be with Sam and Jessica for about two weeks, and that if Cas was coming home earlier than that to call him. 

The flight was boring, and as it was, flying stand by, he was stuck in the window seat, surrounded by a family with three small children, one in front of him and behind, the other sitting right next to him. The mother apologized heavily throughout the flight, giving the excuse that her children had ADHD. Castiel didn't mind, especially when the boy next to him fell asleep on his arm. When they were left off, the mother and father both apologized yet again, and Castiel assured them it was quite fine, heading to get a taxi to take him to the hotel his siblings were staying at. 

He had his own small room, and he put his suitcase into the closet next to the bed, sitting down soon after. Castiel picked up his phone and dialed Dean's number, only for it to hit voicemail right away. "This is Dean Winchester, only leave a message if it's real important." Just hearing the voice made Castiel relax just a bit as he laid down in his bed. "Dean, it's Castiel. I wanted to let you know that I've arrived safely, and that I'm fine. I hope you are as well, and... Dean, I love you. Good night." He hung up, turning his phone on vibrate as he readied himself for bed. 

The next morning was exactly what he had expected. Anna and Gabriel met him in the lobby of the hotel, and he nodded to both of them, his hands in the pockets of his overcoat as they exited the building. They used Anna's car, since she lived in New York only a couple hours away, and drove to the hospital. Checking in, the nurse at the counter gave them the room number, though Castiel was the only one who didn't know. The walk there was slow, and Castiel flinched every time he looked into an open door to see injured patients, or old withered ones, heart monitors linked to them. It didn't help prepare him for what he was about to see.

Seeing his older brothers was something he hadn't really thought about. They'd been lost for over a decade, and no one had been able to find them, until now it seemed. Castiel had never been close to them, as they had left when he was only 9, and both of them were grown adults, but that didn't make this any easier. Stepping into the room, he readied himself for the worst. 

His eyes first came on Michael, who was asleep, a bandage around his forehead and over his left arm. The heart monitor that was hooked to him was going rather slow, but Castiel tried not to think about that. His face was pinkish and bruised under his eyes, and around the base of his neck, another bandage covering where his ear was. Overall, his eldest brother looked as though he'd been hit by a train. When he looked to Luke though, things were much worse. There were bandages covering his neck, and a few small ones on his face. One eye was covered, along with the top of his head. His face was the same as Michael's burned and bruised, his arms matching that perfectly. Both had loose hospital gowns on, but it didn't hide the expanse of bandages covering their chests. 

".. What happened?" he finally managed to ask. Luke and Michael were still asleep, and the three went to sit in the chairs by the beds. "Luke said that they were jumped, and then knocked out, placed in a burning building. Said it was a miracle anyone found them in the supply closet they were stuffed in," Gabriel whispered, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned further into his chair. Castiel nodded. The two were lucky, but it didn't seem as though lucky enough. Michael seemed to stir, his eyes closing harder before they opened slightly. "Castiel?" he murmured, unable to move from his position. He was quickly by his brother's side, kneeling to be eye level with him. 

"Yes, Michael?" the older brother smiled and chuckled a bit, only to stop when he winced. "It's great to see you.. how've you been?" His voice was so quiet that Castiel had to strain to hear it, and he swallowed before replying. "I'm fine.. do you remember Dean Winchester?" Michael smiled at hearing that name. "I remember a little boy named Dean. You two were as thick as thieves. How is he?" "We've moved in together... and he's going to his brother's wedding in a couple days," he tried to smile back, but it only made it harder to keep the tears in. "Ah, so you two are.. together I presume? That's nice. He always did make you so happy... Castiel.. I'm sorry for leaving." He started to cough, and by the look on his face, Michael was in terrible pain. 

"You don't have to be sorry. I was fine.. I am fine. I'm the one who should be saying sorry," he went to gently hold Michael's hand, forgetting that his other siblings were still in the room. "For what, Castiel? I should have been the one to take care of you after mother and father left... but I couldn't. Things went from bad to worse, but I'm glad you've still turned out so well, and happy," he began coughing again, his chest heaving more forceful this time. "It's alright, Michael.... I.. I forgive you. Just, try to rest," he patted his hand again, and Michael smiled, closing his eyes before returning to sleep. Castiel stood and wiped his face with his sleeve, avoiding Gabriel and Anna's gaze. He sat back down with them, his eyes on his shoes. 

Luke didn't wake up while they were there, and they left just before lunch, Anna and Gabriel went out to a bar, while Castiel returned to the hotel. His room felt lonely, and he tried to think of something that would get his mood up. Picking up his phone he dialed Dean's number, and again it went straight to voicemail. Castiel would just need to leave another message. "I don't think I'll be here that much longer, but until I see you again, I love you." He placed his phone on the small table and just stared at it. That was the second time he'd uttered those words, and he was pretty sure Dean had never heard the first message. He must have forgotten to either charge or turn on his phone, something like that. 

The rest of the day was calm, and Castiel emailed the library, reminding them that his leave of absence was undefined, and he would be back as soon as he could. He looked over the summer events they would be holding within the library for the children that year, and made sure they corresponded with each other and fit perfectly. By the time he was done he realized that it was dinner time, and got his things ready to go downstairs. He opened his door to see Anna standing there with take out Chinese. "Thought I could come up and eat with you, that alright?" Castiel nodded his head, letting his sister in and closing the door. He returned his overcoat to the chair and sat across from her at the table. 

"So, you and Dean, how are you?" Castiel blinked, taken aback by how forward his sister still was. "We're fine. Why do you ask?" Anna shrugged her shoulders, and just divvied the food between them, beginning to eat. "Because you seem a bit lost. Back in Spain your face was so bright, not to mention, since we had the room next to yours, that you were pretty loud at night," she smirked, taking a bite of a pot sticker. Castiel opened his mouth to reply, but found nothing to say, his face heating up. Anna only laughed at that. "It's fine, just a little loud, you know. Are you guys.. serious?" Another question Castiel wasn't sure how to answer. "I believe so, but we've only been dating since last fall..." ".. but you want something more?" He eyed his sister, not believing how well she was able to read him. His face flushed again as he nodded his head, "Yes... but I am unsure of how to bring that up with him.. Anna, I love him more than I know how to express." He sighed, leaning back in his chair. 

"Well, why don't you start with telling him that?" "But what if I scare him? What if he doesn't feel the same way?" Anna laughed again. "Are you kidding me? With the way he was looking at you the whole time in Spain? I'm surprised he hasn't already told you he feels the same." It became quiet, and Castiel just used his fork to push his food around, not really feeling all that hungry. "I will tell him once I return home," he decided, forking one of his eggrolls and lifting it up slightly. Anna smiled as she continued to eat. "Good."


	22. Chapter 22

Luke never woke up, so any words he had wanted to say to Castiel were gone forever. He'd died a few days after their first visit, in his sleep, and he had looked restful when Castiel saw him. Michael went only three days later, a bought of coughing causing his broken ribs to puncture his lungs. He did not go peacefully, but in agonizing pain, and Castiel could do nothing as he watched his eldest brother lose air, the doctors and nurses trying everything to keep him alive. It was horrifying, and he left before they claimed him gone, not wanting to watch his brother in so much pain. 

They were buried in Anna's hometown, and their funeral was only the day after Valentine's Day, making it hard on everybody. Castiel stayed after the funeral was over, kissing his hand and placed it on both tombstones. It began to snow soon after, and he headed back to his hotel, not wanting to get sick again. 

Once there, he shed all of his clothes, retreating into the shower. The water was scalding, but it helped him think, at least until his skin started tingling from the burn. Castiel turned the water as cold as it would go and then quickly off, shaking his head to get some of the water out. Sam and Jessica had gotten married yesterday, and Dean still hadn't contacted him. He dried off and put a pair of jeans on, along with Dean's old shirt, and Sam's sweatshirt. His overcoat was worn over this, and he began packing his things. He left for home that night. 

The plane ride home was less crowded, and he got an entire row to himself. It let him put his legs on the second seat as he tried to catch up on the sleep. He didn't remember the last time he had laid down for bed. It was when a flight attendant shook his leg gently that he realized they would be landing soon, and he needed to return to the upright position. Castiel was ready for his own bed, though he doubted Dean would be there. The terminal was almost empty, as it was late at night, and he called Crowley, who seemed to have been asleep. "What is it?" "Would you be able to pick me up from the airport? I'm sorry this is such a sort notice, but Dean hasn't.. Dean can't." Crowley mumbled that he would be there in twenty minutes, even though it was a good half hour's drive from his house. Castiel situated himself by the door, not wanting to wait in the snow. 

Crowley was there as soon as he said he would be, dressed and proper. He helped Castiel with his things, and the two drove off towards home. "So why couldn't Winchester pick you up?" "He's in California for his brother's wedding." Crowley nodded, glancing at Castiel before returning his gaze to the road. "I take it that's not it." "He hasn't returned any of my calls since I landed in New York, his phone's been off, and... and I'm worried." Crowley nodded his head, a smirk on his face. "You ever think that maybe he misplaced his phone?" "He could have, but wouldn't he have called me on Sam's, or someone else's? What if he's hurt Crowley?" "We'll look into it tomorrow. You look like you got hit by a car, get some sleep, and call me when you wake up." With that, Crowley stopped in front of the stairs that led to their house. Castiel wished him a good night and began the trek to his home. 

The place was cold, and Mr. Cat was nowhere to be found, probably at the neighbor's house. Everything was dark, and turning the lights on didn't seem to help that. Castiel just left his suitcase by his bedroom door, taking his overcoat and hanging it up before plopping down on the bed, pulling the comforter over him before falling asleep. 

To say that Castiel didn't sleep well was an understatement. Nightmares of the various ways Dean could be in trouble flashed through his head. A number of them had him in the hospital, and a few had him worse. He tossed and turned as the frightful images passed through his head at lightening speed. His last dream was of one where Dean got shot. As soon as the gunfire happened, Castiel shot up in bed, breathing hard, his body drenched in sweat. 

A cold shower set him straight, and he just sat at his kitchen table, his phone in front of him. It was too early to call Crowley or Dean. Luckily, his phone rang just as he finished thinking that. The number was unknown, so he picked it up slowly. "Hello?" "Cas! God, I hope you're alright. I couldn't get to you, but I'm calling from a diner in Oregon, I'll be home today, okay? I'll explain everything then. The waitress is looking at me funny, so I better get." "Dean, what... what's happened-" and the call ended. Castiel stood up in a fit of rage and threw his phone across the ground, the device breaking into smaller pieces. 

Castiel dug his palms into his eyes, rubbing at them before he got up to clean the phone and place it in a plastic bag. He would need to buy a new one. He walked over to the house phone and dialed Crowley's number. He answered after the first ring, "And is there a reason you aren't using your phone?" "I broke it." Crowley seemed speechless at that, and just cleared his throat. "Well, I guess it was getting old anyhow. So, I assume Dean called you." "Yes, but he had to leave. He explained nothing. I didn't get a word out." "There might be a good reason. What did he tell you?" "That he was going to be home today, but he called from Oregon, and that's quite a ways off," Castiel slumped onto the ground, holding the phone to his ear. "Well, you can hash it out of him as soon as he gets home. I assume you have work tomorrow though, correct?" "Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?" "Nothing, I would just call in sick. You never know what could have happened. Now, I have to get going, I'll call again later, ta ta," and Crowley hung up the phone, leaving Castiel sitting on the ground. 

The one thing Castiel decided he could do was clean the house. He wasn't expected in to work until the next day, and the place was rather dusty. He started a fire in the fireplace, and cleaned as thoroughly as he could. Around lunch he stopped and made himself a small sandwich, having an apple as well before returning to cleaning the windows. When he finished that, he cleaned the bathroom and did the laundry. Finishing what he could, he sat down in front of the fireplace, stretching. He was tired now, and it was only around four in the afternoon. Maybe a nap would be in place. Though as the doorbell rang that notion was put to rest. 

Castiel jumped at the door, opening it to see Dean holding his suitcase. "Dean," he breathed, unable to decide what he wanted to do with him. "Hey, Cas," he smiled, and looked around him. "Can I come in?" Castiel shook his head slightly, moving out of the way to let him in. He seemed to be limping slightly, and was moving rather slowly. "What's wrong?" Dean chuckled, sitting on the couch before doing anything else. "I got jumped, and got beat up pretty bad. My phone was stolen, and my house key. I felt pretty stupid. I was laid up for two days, Sam actually came out to see how I was doing. I was only halfway there when it happened." Dean winced as he moved to be looking at Cas, who quickly sat next to Dean. "Are you alright? Would you like some thing? Dean.. you scared me," he was relived though, that he was at least alive, and not hanging on for dear life. "Yeah, some pain killers would be nice, and a beer if we have any." Castiel was up almost instantly. 

Castiel settled against Dean again after he had what he wanted, just content with being close to him. It had been too long. "Why didn't you call me later then?" "I didn't forget, if that's why you think. I didn't have any time. I was either helping Sam with something, or sleeping. God, it hurt to be moving around at all, and I was worn out most of the time. I called you as soon as I could." Castiel nodded, laying his head on Dean's shoulder. "I'm glad you're fine, but I'm going to need a new cell phone too it seems." "What, why?" "I was rather upset with you when you called earlier... and I threw it across the room." Dean chuckled and put his arm around Cas's shoulders, kissing him on his head. 

They turned on the tv, watching some baseball game as they quieted down. Castiel had pizza delivered, and they put the leftovers in the refrigerator before retiring to their room. Dean had trouble getting his arms above his head, so Castiel helped him with his shirt. They were both laying down on their backs, facing the ceiling in the darkness. "Dean... I must tell you something," he turned to be facing the other man, slipping his arm under the pillow with his left hand folded against his body. "Yeah, what is it?" Dean simply turned his head, his body strained enough as it was. "I.... I love you... I've loved you since we were teenagers, but I could never tell you, and-" he was cut off as Dean rolled over and began kissing him soundly on the mouth. Castiel rolled to be on top of him, careful not to place all his weight down. 

"Cas..... Cas. I love you too," he said against his mouth, which of course only started another attack of kissing. Castiel only stopped when Dean began to show signs of pain, and he returned to his side of the bed. "You'll need to take a hot shower tomorrow.. I'll massage your back as well, and-" "How about we just sleep for right now, okay? We can worry about tomorrow when it happens," Dean kissed him one last time before rolling over and starting his own sleeping pattern. Castiel smiled, rubbing his back gently before he made himself comfortable. It was nice to have a warm bed again.


	23. Chapter 23

Castiel smiled as he woke, hearing the soft snore of Dean beside him. The curtains were covering the window, leaving the room dark, and hard to maneuver. He got up and scratched his head, stifling a yawn before he drew the shades back slowly, not wanting to 'blind' Dean. The other man shuffled around in the bed, and Castiel looked to see that he had covered his head with his pillow. "Dean, it's time to get up. We had plans for today, and I'm not letting you wiggle out of them," Castiel sat back on the bed as he said this, rolling over to be laying on top of Dean. "Can't really move if you're on top of me, Cas," came Dean's voice, muffled by the pillow. He kissed Dean's neck and shoulders before getting back up and walking towards the bathroom. "We're meeting at the park, and I don't want to be late. So get your ass out of bed," and with that, he was in the shower, getting ready for the day. 

They had planned a small picnic with some of their friends, just enjoying one of the few nice days they had. Garth had volunteered to bring sandwiches, and Dean and Castiel were bringing chips and beer, Tessa was bringing dessert, and Victor some fresh fruit for whoever wanted it. It was going to just be a nice calm day in the park, and Castiel had been looking forward to it since they planned it. He stepped out of the shower and dried himself quickly, stepping out of the bathroom to see Dean still lying in bed. "Dean!" Castiel groaned and just jumped onto the bed, knowing his nakedness would do something. "Dean, if you don't get up, we aren't having sex for a week," he muttered into his ear, biting the lobe before getting back up to get clothes on. Dean decided then to get up, and Castiel smirked at that. 

They both got ready to leave for the grocery store, as they decided they would go from there to the park, since they were also providing blankets. They drove to the outskirts of the town, stopping once they reached the parking lot. The rest of the group was already there, waiting for them. "Dean, why did I let you sleep in?" "Because you like sleeping with me," Dean smirked and got out of the car, walking to the trunk to get the things out. Castiel helped him and they walked over to the other people. 

"Sorry we're late. You can blame Dean," Castiel shot him a nasty look but only smiled afterwards. "So after two years he's still making you late? I though you'd have changed that, Castiel," Tessa joked. Another reminder that he and Dean had been together for such a long time. "What? You guys ganging up on me now? Back me up, Victor, come on," Dean smiled through it though. 

The day continued much the same, with traded stories and jokes. It was beginning to get late, and they all started to pack up. Castiel was folding one of the blankets when he looked around. There was no one, except their things that hadn't been packed. He dropped the blanket and turned around to see Dean standing there, holding something small in his hand. Tessa, Victor, and Garth were all standing behind him, though their expressions gave away nothin; Garth seemed to be hiding his face a lot behind Victor though. "Dean? What's going on?" The man in question chuckled a bit before glancing up to Castiel, meeting his eyes for a second before looking back to whatever was in his hand. 

Castiel was completely confused, why was he acting so strange? Then Dean stepped closer, and began to kneel down. He began to choke on his questions, but he stayed still, except for when Dean reached for his hand. "Cas... Castiel. Uh," he seemed to mutter something under his breath, but he continued, "will you marry me?" It took a few seconds for what was happening to really sink into his mind, but Castiel nodded his head. "Yes, Dean. God, yes," he helped Dean up and pulled him forward, kissing him soundly until they needed air. Castiel could vaguely hear their friends clapping in the background, and Garth cheering loudly. 

When they separated, Castiel took his hand, holding it next to him. "Was... was this the whole plan?" Dean chuckled and nodded his head. "Talked to Tessa about it before she gave you the idea," and while Dean said this, he pulled the bow back out, showing it to Cas before opening it to show a thin silver band. He slipped it onto his ring finger and kissed Dean again. "Well, this is nice and all, but I think I'm heading out.. You lovebirds have a nice night!" Garth drove away seconds later, and Castiel and Dean waved as Tessa and Victor did the same minutes later. 

"You had this all planned from the very beginning... how long?" Dean looked at him, giving him a weird expression. "You expect me to tell you how long I planned on asking you?" "Dean," Castiel rolled his eyes, getting things into the trunk of the Impala. Dean was starting up the car when Castiel got into the passenger seat. "Dean... you realize we're getting married now, correct?" "Yeah, I know. I popped the question, didn't I? I knew what I was getting into." The drive continued, and Castiel closed his eyes. "So you know that means we should probably not keep secrets, yes?" "You really wanna know?.. God, I'm gonna sound like such a girl... I wasn't sure how I was gonna ask, but I thought somethin' simple would do, y'know?" They were soon parked outside the house, a small road had been constructed to lead up there, just for them. 

They gathered the things inside, and met in their bedroom. "Something simple, which this was. Go on," Castiel was changing into his pajamas, some loose lounge pants and Dean's old t-shirt. Dean was in his boxers, sitting down on the bed next to him. "I had thought some special dinner at a restaurant, but I knew you wouldn't want to spend the money on that. God, there were so many options, but I needed one that was perfect. This was the closest I could get, because I know you like just being lazy," when he said this, Castiel went to object, but Dean just chuckled and kissed him softly. "So I've been planning this for a couple months, okay? It wasn't hard to pick out a ring," he kissed him again, pulling Castiel closer, and soon he was holding himself over him. "Dean," he managed, his breathing beginning to get erratic as their mouths met over and over. 

"You know... you're gonna be all mine, and god, I can't wait for that," Dean smiled as he said it, continuing to dip his head down, licking Castiel's jaw before kissing him again. Before he knew what was happening, he felt Dean palming him through his pants, his hand slipping under them soon after. "Dean.. I," his hips bucked up, and he bit down on Dean's bottom lip, pulling away to stare up at him. His chest grew hot, and Dean smiled, kissing him again, and moving slowly down his neck, his hands working on lifting his shirt up. 

Clothes were discarded faster than Castiel could think, mainly because of the utter lack of clothes Dean had been wearing, but he didn't think about that as he grew hotter, Dean's body flush against his. He lifted his leg between Dean's, his hands gripping at his bare back to pull him ever closer. "Dean.. I.. Dean, please.. just.. I need you," hopefully he was able to put his idea across with how his voice ached. Dean nodded, kissing him again, reaching for the nightstand and opening the drawer. While he did this, Castiel caught his breath, his eyes shut closed as he tried to calm down. At this rate it wouldn't last long. "Cas... you sure? You haven't... lasted that long before," Dean was only trying to care for him, to make sure he wanted this again. "Yes, please, Dean," he couldn't keep his voice from breaking, and he saw as Dean sat back on his knees, spreading Castiel's legs. 

Cas was painfully hard, and Dean could tell that as well. The other man squeezed the tube in his hand, the gel oozing out before being slicked on his fingers. "You ready?" "Dean... just go," was what he managed before he felt the first digit circle around his entrance. It pushed in slowly, and he tried his damnedest to relax, to make this easier on Dean, and on himself down the road. Castiel tried to look at Dean while he did this, but more often than not, he had his eyes closed, trying to get used to something inside him. The finger worked around, loosening him up a bit more before a second was added. Dean scissored his fingers, moving them around tenderly to further open him up. 

Castiel bit his lip as Dean continued, pushing his fingers deeper inside of him and constantly moving and stretching him out. He didn't know how many times Dean's named slipped from his mouth as wave after wave of pleasure hit him. Sighing as Dean removed his fingers, he closed his eyes, knowing he needed to stay relaxed if this was going to work. He heard Dean fishing around the nightstand, and heard him curse under his breath. "Cas... we're out of condoms," this was said hesitantly, and Castiel shook his head soon after. "Dean, just... It doesn't matter." If that came out a bit more strained, Castiel didn't mean it, he just thought they were so beyond that by now. Dean only nodded his head and bit his lip before lining himself up, his hands on Cas's thighs. 

Castiel held his breath as Dean eased into him ever so slowly, making sure to not cause him any pain. The fullness that came with this was one of the main reasons Castiel could barely handle it. Just being oversensitive made it difficult to last that long. Dean leaned forward, kissing him before leaning their foreheads together. "Cas... gotta move.. you okay?" Castiel nodded quickly, though his head slowed as Dean began to pull out, only to push back in, a bit quicker this time. "Dean... just, please," he breathed, unable to keep his eyes open very wide as he tried to somewhat calm down. At this rate, he wouldn't last anywhere near as long as he had before. 

Dean was good with keeping a steady rhythm, not going fast enough to where Cas was almost shouting, but making sure he elicited some noise that he could just easily absorb into his blood that went straight to his dick. Castiel hooked his ankles around Dean, his hands gripping the blankets and sheets underneath him. "So good Cas.. feel, so good," it was panted out as Dean began to make his thrusts quicker. Castiel had no clue what he was saying anymore, only that he mainly seemed to be letting Dean's name off his lips. He tried to reach for Dean, to grip him as Dean fucked him on their bed, but he was too far away, and he needed to grip something. Luckily, Dean seemed to notice and leaned forward, pushing in with extra force as he did, Castiel moaning loudly, his hands going to try and grip his back, creating red streaks over the expanse of Dean's back. 

It seemed to Cas that the pressure by his groin was growing too rapidly, and he bit his tongue, trying to hold on, because there was nothing good about an early climax. Dean seemed to be noticing as he slowed, though Castiel, from what he could tell, was difficult for him. Inching in and out at a snail's pace, Castiel nodded his head, "Dean, please... just, faster." It didn't take much coaxing. Of course, giving his permission to do that, he had failed to think, though thinking was completely out of the question at this point, that Dean would go all out. Frantically thrusting into Castiel, who eagerly tried to meet him, his hands slipping down Dean's sweat slicked back. The tension grew, and Castiel knew he couldn't prolong it anymore. "Dean, I'm.. god, Dean.... I," he stopped, his eyes screwing shut as his body tensed and he released, feeling complete and utter bliss as he came over their stomachs. He was drifting down as Dean frantically thrust three more times, his hands clutching Castiel's ass, burying his dick in deep as he came, moans being released from his lips. 

They both lay on the bed minutes later, semen spread over the expanse of their abdomens as they continued to catch their breath. "Dean..." was all Castiel could think to say, not even looking over at him. "Yeah... Yeah, Cas," Dean seemed to know good enough what he was talking about, and Castiel smiled as he closed his eyes and lost himself to unconsciousness.


	24. Chapter 24

Their wedding was constantly put off, both of them needing to keep on work, and trying to find the right date, and place. Before they knew it, they'd been engaged over a year, and things were finally looking better for possible openings. Of course, whenever they tried to talk to others about weddings plans, it was always in a different location. Anna wanted them to get married in New York, the same chapel where she and Ruby had tied the knot, while Sam and Crowley seemed to agree on San Francisco. Dean finally came up with a small church in their own town, and they set a winter date. They would be married by the end of the year. 

Things till then were odd as well though. A new, larger, library was being built next to the community college, replacing the one that Castiel worked at. The novels weren't transferred, and instead, Castiel was told they weren't needed at all, newer editions had already been donated. The biographies and other such books were given to the school libraries. Their library was closing though, and they couldn't leave the books there, so where would they go? Castiel decided that they needed a home, and why not his?

They spent weekend after weekend putting bookshelves on almost every wall, and building more to place in convenient areas. Then the transferring of books, which was made easier by a moving van. Box after box was either put into the house, or the storage shed Dean had told Castiel they would need. At seeing just how many books they would be owning though, Dean was astounded, not believing they had owned that many in the first place. "It's alright, Dean, you don't have to put them in the bookcases," but he only said that because he had a specific way he wanted to organize them. 

Through all the cataloging, and skimming books to make sure they were ones he'd eventually read, Castiel found his eyesight worsening. He didn't tell Dean, because he didn't want to worry him, so he kept on trying to organize his new plethora of books. The pile to be sorted dwindled rather slowly though due to this, and one night, with just a small lamp on, Castiel gave up, putting the book down as he rubbed his weary eyes. He felt someone tap his shoulder and looked to see Dean, who handed him a small box. Inside were reading glasses with rather large frames. "It's kinda hard not to notice you moving the book further away, and you squinting your eyes. Thought you'd look good in those," and Dean was walking back to the bedroom after a short kiss. Another reason why Castiel loved Dean more than he could understand. 

Castiel couldn't be happier, he was smiling more than he had as a child, when he and Dean had been in the prime of their friendship, before anything romantic had played it's cards. He would make dinner for Dean most of the time, though every once and a while, Dean would surprise him at work and they would go out and watch a movie, or eat at Ted's. Things were simple, and it made life exceptionally easier. 

Dean talked to Sam constantly, either through a computer, or on his phone, and Castiel understood. They had such a strong brotherly bond, and he thought it must hurt to live so far away from one another. When Castiel brought up the option of moving to California, Dean just told him they couldn't afford that, and that he was fine there. He was okay with the visits he or his brother were surprised with. 

About two months before their wedding, Sam called them up, announcing that Jessica was pregnant, and Castiel smiled as he saw the pride on Dean's face. 

Mr. Cat never came back, and Castiel gave up looking for him, and one day, after having dealt with multiple children during a summer reading session, Dean surprised him at home with a new calico kitten. "Knew you wouldn't like having a dog around all the books and stuff, so I got the next best thing," he smiled, handing the kitten over to Castiel who pet her head. "What are we going to name her?" "Dunno. 's your cat... though Zeppelin does sound pretty awesome." Castiel couldn't help but laugh, leaning forward and kissing Dean through it. "Then her name will be Zeppelin."

As the date for their wedding approached, Castiel began to feel extremely stressed. They had guest bedrooms, one for both Sam and Jessica, and Anna and Ruby, which only left Gabriel and Kali, if they were to make it. The chapel was already booked, and he was working on invitations when Dean turned his chair around. "Dean? I'm trying to finish this. Since you won't send them out, someone has to," he mumbled this as Dean kissed him, lifting him from the chair. "You've been working on those for hours. It's time for bed, okay?" Castiel couldn't argue, and it wasn't like that many people would miss out on their wedding anyways. 

Two weeks before the wedding, on a brisk Saturday morning, the couple were driving towards Glendive, the place where they would be fitted for their suits. Castiel was driving, as they had just switched off, Dean sound asleep in the passenger seat. They arrived, and ate lunch before their appointment, getting to the fitting a few minutes early. Castiel chose to have a white suit, after hearing from Anna and Crowley how it would contrast with his hair, and would make his eyes stand out. 

With their suits in their covers and safely in the trunk of the Impala, Dean took shotgun, starting her up. Castiel was going to buckle his seat belt when it caught. "Dean, is the seat belt broken?" "Yeah... it might have. Thing's been giving me problems the whole time I've owned her. It's okay, though, it's not like I'm some reckless drunk," Dean smiled to reassure him, and Castiel nodded, and sighed as he leaned into the leather. 

The drive was tedious, as they were a good two hours away, and Castiel continued to grow uncomfortable with his seat restraint. They were stopped at a four way intersection, and Castiel convinced Dean to help him fix it before they continued, since no one was around. It didn't want to budge though, so they kept driving. The lone rode was quiet, and Dean knew Castiel was tired, and got irritable when he was, so he didn't play any hard rock. The sun was beginning to set, and Castiel sighed as he saw the first other car he had in a while. "Shesh, though I was taking the wrong way home, right Cas?" Dean chuckled, glancing towards Castiel before looking back to the road. 

The car was swerving in and out of their side of the road, the driver seemed to be distracted, and Dean noticed almost instantly. A minute before it happened, Dean pushed Castiel into the back seat, trying to swerve to avoid the car. The last thing Castiel remembered was the loud crash and flash of white light.


	25. Chapter 25

Castiel was jolted awake by sirens and by being moved onto something. He couldn't remember exactly what happened, but people were shouting, and his fogged up brain couldn't make out what was happening around him. His eyes were tired, and it took more strength than he had to open them, and try and look around. He was in a small room, but things seemed to be shifting, and he saw Dean next to him, also on.. a stretcher. An oxygen tank was connected to him, and one of the people, who Castiel could barely assume was a paramedic, pounding on his chest.

Blood was everywhere, and his skin felt tight and everything hurt. "Dean..." he croaked, unable to move anymore than he already had. "Sir, you need to remain still, we'll be at the hospital soon," came the voice of a woman who was sitting behind his head. "Is.. is he okay? What happened?" "Sir, please just remain calm and rest. Everything will be alright." Even if Castiel had wanted to protest, that everything would not be alright, he couldn't. His brain seemed to think it unwise for him to remain conscious, and his vision blurred out until he was under yet again.

 

________________________________

A bright light being shone into his eyes woke Castiel the second time, and he almost screamed in pain, except for that fact that he could barely breathe. "Sir, please open your eyes," came the voice of someone. The figures in his field of sight were out of focus, and he squinted as the light was shone again. "Where am I?" "You're in a hospital. Can you tell us what happened?" Castiel tried to think, to look back to what had happened, but everything was so close and contorted in his mind that he couldn't make anything out. "I... we... Dean. Where is he?.... is he alright?" "Sir, please tell us what you remember?" Castiel tried to shake his head. Something wasn't right. "No... tell me if he is alright. Dean.. Dean Winchester." He repeated the name until the man in the white coat sent one of the women out, only to come back quickly.

"Dean Winchester is undergoing emergency surgery, but you need to tell us what happened," came his voice. Castiel choked, almost sitting up in the hospital bed before being pushed down gently. "It... it was a car crash... some drunk driver.. Dean.. he pushed me into the back seat..." he couldn't make sense of it. Why would Dean do that? The doctor talked with the nurse before returning to him. "Please, try and rest. You'll be fine in a couple weeks," the doctor said, trying to reassure him. "No... our wedding... it's soon.. I can't miss it, or change it..." Castiel drifted off as the pain medication set in, fogging his brain yet again and he spiraled down within his own mind.

 

______________________________

Castiel was sitting up in his bed, pillows behind him as a food tray sat on his lap. He didn't touch anything. Dean was asleep in the bed across from him, an oxygen tank and heart monitor connected to him along with a number of other things. Castiel had heard the doctors talking about the slim chance Dean had of making it, and it took everything from Castiel. He talked to no one. Crowley came for a visit, and only patted him on the shoulder, leaving soon afterwards, knowing no words could be said. Sam tried to call, but Castiel couldn't find it in him to say anything, and the doctors told him as such.

They were in the hospital for two weeks, and Dean was barely ever awake before Castiel was being discharged, the serious injuries almost completely healed. He stayed by Dean's side as long as he could, just whispering nonsense to him when he was asleep, and making whatever conversation he could with him while awake.

The third week in, Dean was sitting up in bed, a smile on his gaunt face. They were getting married in the hospital, since the chapel was out by now. The pastor came, and the doctor and Crowley were the witnesses. Castiel kissed Dean as thoroughly as he could, knowing Dean's body couldn't take much still. They were married, but it didn't seem like a honeymoon would be happening any time soon.

Castiel, while Dean was still in the hospital, stayed at Crowley's house, unable to take care of himself accordingly. One morning, at approximately 3am, he woke up to a phone call. "What?" he could barely talk, tears streaming down his face. "Yes, I'll be right there." He left his phone as he ran to the hospital, not bothering to wake Crowley or anyone else up to give him a ride. It only took 15 minutes for him to run two miles in the snow.

He ran through the hospital hallways, not listening to the nurses telling him to be quiet. He stood outside of Dean's room, catching his breath as he looked in. Dean was lying down, a book in his hands. The one book Castiel had bought him at the airport so long ago. His face still seemed cheerful for some ungodly reason, and as he listened, the heart monitor was slowing, ever so minutely. "Dean..." the salt water was beginning to make it hard to say anything, and he kneeled down by the bed, Dean taking his hand in his. "Cas... you knew this was gonna happen... I mean, the doc practically told the whole world. I guess... I just didn't see it happening so soon," he chuckled, as if it was some laughing matter. Castiel stared at him, not able to keep the flow back. Dean's eyes showed fear, and sadness, but his face said otherwise.

"Dean.. you can't... you can't just leave... You can't leave me again," 'not when I know you'll never come back,' was the unsaid part. Castiel thought that being away from him should be easy by now, but this would be permanent. "Cas... You know I don't wanna. I would tear out my heart to stay with you... but at least I know you're safe. Hell, I pushed you back so you could live," he paused, trying to catch his breath, but he didn't seem to be able. "Dean, no... Dean..." Castiel stood up, wiping his eyes with his sleeve before moving closer. "You can't go. What am I going to do?.. Dean. I-I love you, and ...." he couldn't finish his own sentences, and Dean patted his hands. "Come 'ere," he said, patting the bed next to him. Castiel did as he was told, and Dean wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "I want... I want you to keep living, keep living for me. Have adventures, hell, do whatever. But don't sit around and sulk, Cas. That would be the worst. I'd haunt your ass if you ever did something like that. I don't want what I did to go to waste." Dean pulled Castiel's face towards his, kissing him soundly, but only a few seconds before he pulled away, catching his breath again.

Castiel cried into Dean's shoulder, staying as close as he possibly could before Dean fell asleep. The doctors told him that he wouldn't wake up, but he insisted on sleeping with Dean on his last night, and they gave them an extra blanket.

Castiel didn't sleep, he just kept his eyes closed, counting the minutes until the heart monitor went flat. It was around seven in the morning when it did, the time Dean would usually wake up, except this time he never would. He had to leave then as the protocol was dealt with, and he went back to Crowley's house, tears falling from his chin the whole walk back.

When he walked in, Crowley was at the table, the newspaper in his hands before he noticed Castiel. "Cas?" He looked to Crowley, his eyes bloodshot and tired from crying. "I need to sleep... I'm sorry for bothering you, but may... may I just spend a couple more nights?" "Of course, mate. Whatever you need," it was the most affectionate voice Castiel could remember Crowley ever using, and he nodded his head, making his way towards his usual room.

 

________________________________

The funeral was well attended, and Sam gave Dean's eulogy, as Castiel hadn't really spoken to anyone since, and didn't have the heart to do so. Everything still felt raw, and he was hit with emotion too easily.

Dean was buried on the hill they frequented, facing the bench they always sat on. Castiel was the only one to see him go six feet under, the hill not being big enough. He'd made sure his tombstone was perfect.

 

  
_Dean Winchester_   
_Friend, Brother, Husband_   
_January 24, 1979 - December 10th, 2010_   
_He will be remembered as protecting those he loved,_   
_and lives in the heart of them too._

Castiel kissed his hand, and placed it on the headstone, keeping it there until he couldn't feel his hand. He propped the bouquet of white roses against the stone, and sat down on the bench, his hands in his pockets. It wasn't until Crowley fetched him that he left, and that was late in the night.


	26. Chapter 26

The last night Castiel stayed in Crowley's house was the night of the funeral, and after that he insisted on being left alone. His house on the hill overlooked the city, and he would sit in the attic, looking through the small window at the buildings. If he got Dean's, now his, binoculars out he could see his husband's grave, which did not help the situation. 

He took to wearing Dean's clothes, even if they were a size too big. They smelled of him, and he couldn't help but try to fill the large gaping hole his heart seemed to have. Castiel rarely ate, only when Zeppelin insisted that she be fed did he just have a piece of toast and a glass of milk. He sometimes also ate an apple, but that was the extent of his new diet. No longer having a job, he didn't need to go anywhere, and the life insurance would be able to pay the bills for years to come, so he didn't see a problem with just staying home. 

People came to visit him, but he would retreat to the attic yet again, hoping they would leave. The only time he went down was when Sam showed up. The Impala had been fixed again, and seeing as Castiel couldn't bear to keep it, he decided that Dean would rather his brother have it. "You sure you're okay with me taking it? I mean..." Sam seemed uncomfortable, but Castiel nodded, handing him the keys. "I... I don't need a car, I can walk anywhere I need to," he didn't mention that he wouldn't feel safe in another vehicle again, because that wasn't something Sam needed to worry about. 

Sam left the next day, insisted he spend the night so he didn't get back late. Castiel was sure he stayed because he wanted to make sure he was okay, which he was, at least, he tried to be. Sam would go through all the books, not daring to go past his own bedroom upstairs, or to the attic, where more boxes were. When he left, he said he'd be in touch, and that Castiel was always welcome in California. Castiel nodded, but he didn't think he could ever really leave the house now. 

The books became his life. Instead of sleeping, he would sit in the half-made bed with the lamp on and his glasses pushed against his nose, reading a book. Any free time, which was almost all the time, was put into reading the books he'd acquired, as he couldn't see anything else to do. 

The house soon fell into disarray, but he didn't really notice. The roof was beginning to leak, and there was dust everywhere, but he couldn't be bothered, especially when he now caught colds frequently. Castiel didn't answer his phone, not even for his siblings. Crowley seemed to call more than anyone, and Castiel would just check the messages around dinner time. He seemed genuinely concerned, but why, Castiel didn't know. He'd seen the woman he'd brought back to his house, so he'd clearly moved on. 

It wasn't until a month after the funeral that Castiel visited the grave again. The flowers he had left before were gone, so he replaced them, and sat on the bench, tears falling silently from his chin as he stayed sitting in the snow. Dean was a mere six feet away from him, and yet untouchable for the rest of his life. He wiped his eyes, trying to clear his head. He couldn't do this, he couldn't just live here without him. Castiel had said good bye too many times, and this one was the worst. Dean was never coming back; he'd never hear his big belly laughter, or kiss the freckles on his nose, or just massage his back after a long day at the garage. He'd never be able to see or touch him again. His senses seemed faded by the fact that none of them would yet again catch any hint of the man he loved. It made him feel empty, just a shell of what used to house a happy man. 

While this all happened, he couldn't help but think why Dean had done what he did. Why would he try to save him? Castiel clearly wasn't worth it if he couldn't even go a day without crying about how he would never be with him again. The thought that Dean had apparently seen so much in him was astounding, and Castiel couldn't see what must have been so amazing. He had just been some clueless librarian with no social skills. Why had Dean even come back so long ago? That first storm that brought them together after a decade could have easily kept them apart another one, so why? Castiel didn't deserve to be alive, he didn't think so. He couldn't do anything with it, he couldn't save people, not like Dean. 

Around February, Crowley had grown quite upset, and Castiel looked down as the man banged on his door, cursing loudly. "Castiel! You open this door, now!" Crowley looked up to the attic, glaring at him, and Castiel stepped away from the window. There was no point in ignoring him, so he walked down the steps slowly, holding himself together, if barely. His eyes were still tired, he'd woken up crying again. It was often that he had nightmares of the crash, and it didn't help that no one was there to help him through them anymore. He opened the door, and Crowley stormed in. 

"Castiel, I swear on all that is unholy, why haven't you been answering my calls?" Castiel closed in on himself, looking towards the ground. "I... I can't find my phone," he lied, avoiding Crowley's gaze. The other man sighed, looking around until he walked into the kitchen, pulling the phone off of it's charger. "Can't find it can you? Must not have looked," he handed him the phone, and Castiel took it, placing it in his pocket. "Castiel... lift your arms," he spoke slowly, and Castiel looked to him, confused. "Just do it." He did as he was told, lifting his arms to either side of him. Crowley lifted his shirt above his abdomen and almost cursed there. "Castiel, I can see your ribs, haven't you been eating anything?" Crowley walked over to the fridge to find a half a loaf of bread and a half gallon of milk that was almost gone. 

"Castiel, that's it. You're going to see a doctor, or a psychiatrist. I'm going to send Brian over here in a couple days to clean it up, okay? But for now you're staying at my house, so pack a suitcase and let's get going." Castiel stared at Crowley, shaking his head quickly. "No... I.. I can't go, Crowley. Dean... I.." he couldn't even remember where he had been going with the sentence before his eyes started to tear up. Crowley walked forward, patting him on the back and leaving his hand on his shoulder. "Cas, I'm not going to say you need to get over him, but you need to realize this isn't something you can change." He made sure to level himself to look into Castiel's eyes, and Castiel stared back, wiping his nose as he did so. "... I know.. I know I can't change it," he mumbled, looking down to the ground again. "Hey, hey, hey. Don't do that. Now come on and pack some things, and get your cat. We're leaving."

Castiel stood, grabbing the book on the windowsill before heading down the stairs to the second floor, Crowley behind him. He got out Dean's old duffel bag and stuffed some clothes and books in it before throwing it over his shoulder, putting some shoes on as well before he stepped out of the bedroom. Crowley was waiting for him by the front door, Zeppelin in his arms. "Ready?" Castiel nodded his head, and Crowley opened the door, stepping out into the cold, which seemed to rush in and chill Castiel to the bone. He locked the front door and walked after Crowley to get into his Bentley, putting the duffel in the back seat before pulling his knees up to his chest in the front seat. 

The ride there was short, and Castiel was glad to be somewhere different, even though he would rather be at home alone. The new atmosphere seemed to refreshen him, and almost instantly a wave of tiredness came over him, and he caught himself on the door frame, stopping himself from falling over. Castiel closed his eyes; he shut them tight as he tried to regain some strength to continue walking. "Cas?" Crowley walked back to him, taking the bag before helping him to his room. "Now you just sleep, I'll be here the whole time. If you need anything, just ask, alright?" The door closed, and Castiel collapsed onto the bed, rushing to be under the warmth of the blankets, his head falling onto the pillow with a contented sigh. The only thought that didn't help was the fact that he thought, just before drifting off to sleep, was that he and Dean had had sex on this very bed, which led to the few nightmares he remembered. 

The dreams started out wonderfully, mostly just he and Dean doing whatever normal tasks they would do, but then they turned sour, Dean ending up hurt, or dead yet again, and Castiel couldn't seem to be able to stop them. He tried to wake up, but his body didn't seem to let him, needing the rest. The last nightmare ended with the crash, and he started with a jolt, rolling off of the bed and onto the floor, breathing hard. His body shivered uncontrollably, and he tried to get back up, but his legs felt like gelatin. "Crowley," he croaked, his voice hoarse from lack of refreshment. He tried to swallow, and called his name again. Minutes later Crowley opened the door, still in his own pajamas, and turned the lights on. "Castiel? What the bloody hell are you doing on the floor?" "I fell," he groaned, trying to get back up by leaning on the bed frame. Crowley helped him get back into bed and looked him over. "You'll need a doctor soon, that's for sure," he muttered, and he sighed.

"Well, it's only four in the morning, so go back to sleep. I'm just down the hall, and try not to fall out of bed again," he stifled a yawn and closed the door after turning off the light, leaving Castiel yet again in the darkness, alone with his thoughts. Castiel brought the blankets over his head, trying to get as warm as he possibly could, and only stuck his foot out when he started to sweat. Hopefully he wouldn't have any more


	27. Chapter 27

Castiel swallowed as he looked at the building in front of him. Crowley had made an appointment with one of the doctors he hired most, for personal reasons, to look over him, and apparently he had already met them, though he couldn't remember. Brian was dropping him off, and would be back to pick him up after the appointment. He shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself as he walked into the building, walking to the check in station. The nurse at the counter wrote him in, and had him sit in the waiting area until the doctor called his name. 

He followed the dark haired woman back to her office, and sat down on the stiff bed, his arms around himself once again. "Ah, Mister No- no, Mister Winchester, I haven't seen you in quite a while. I'm Doctor Allgood, but you can call me Eve." Just hearing Dean's, and now his, last name he bit his lip. "I... I don't remember you, sorry.... and just Castiel, please," he managed. Talking was so foreign to him now, even if Crowley tried to make conversation with him. 

"Okay, Castiel. First, we'll do the routine check-up, I'll need you to take off your shoes and step on the scale just over there," she pointed with a pencil as she tapped away on the computer on the counter. Castiel did as he was told, closing his eyes as she came over and adjusted it and sighed. He heard her pencil scratching and stepped off when she told him he could. Eve took his blood pressure next and wrote that down as well before inputting it into the computer. She then handed him a small cup and waved him towards the bathroom. 

All the procedures were done, and Castiel was sitting in the small plastic chair in front of Eve, his hands folded in his lap to keep from tapping his fingers, which only led to him tapping his foot. "Okay, last thing... Castiel, how have you been feeling?" The man blinked and just stared at her, caught off guard by the question. What was he supposed to answer? Was he supposed to tell her everything? "It's okay, Castiel, I'm listening," she smiled and Castiel sighed, looking down into his lap. 

"Horrible, tired... I... He.. Dean. Dean, he saved me, but I don't understand, and I just want to go back, and stop him from doing that. I could be with him right now, and I don't know what I'm doing anymore, and It's always just so suffocating, and I can't lose him again... I lost him, again... and..." At this point tears were streaming down his face, and he tried to wipe them away with the sleeve of his shirt, but the wool only irritated his eyes. 

"He must have loved you very much," she smiled, and Castiel looked up to her. "How do you know?" Eve shook her head slowly, her lips still curved upwards. "He saved you, Castiel. He gave you his life... now, I'm not anyone to really talk about feelings, but I'm supposed to be diagnosing you, so here it goes," she sighed and read off all the data. Castiel was not looking forward to telling Crowley about this once he was home. 

It seemed as though Castiel was caught with a major case of depression, something that he couldn't just work on himself. The doctors prescribed two different anti-depressants, and he was to take one at night, and one in the morning. When he was back inside Crowley's house, he retreated to his room, hiding the pills under the bed before he just sat there, looking out the window. 

It was snowing again, which meant that going out to visit Dean's grave wasn't an option. Castiel could barely handle to do that, but he needed to be close to Dean, it was something he could barely live without. A knock on his door sent him jumping up from the bed, turning around to see Crowley standing there. "Castiel? How was the doctors? I trust they've gotten you all sorted out," Crowley stayed by the door, his hands in his pockets as he looked over him. "I'm fine... They... they have me on some pills, but I'm fine," he tried to smile, but found that he couldn't, and just bit his lip as he looked to his shoes. 

"You call that fine? Cas... it doesn't matter. We'll get you back on track, at least somewhat. You come on out when you're ready for dinner, okay?" Castiel nodded, and Crowley did as well, closing the door as he left. Flinging himself onto the bed, he just stuffed his face into the pillows. It was often that he did this, just giving up to cry about how everything seemed hopeless. He'd been so empty without Dean, he hadn't noticed it before, but after living with him for years, and loving him, it was something no one should have to handle. Castiel didn't know if he could get over this. His best friend was dead.

Another onslaught of tears accompanied these thoughts that often wandered through his head, and he did not try to stop them, letting them flow freely as he sobbed. There was no point in hiding the fact that he was extremely sad, it was apparent by everything about him. When the stream of tears seemed to slow, he sat up, wiping his eyes, though his head felt a bit light. Castiel used his sleeves to wipe his noise as he walked out to the dining room, Crowley sitting with a book as he ate and drank his favorite brand of alcohol for the day. Castiel took the opposite seat and scooted himself in. 

Crowley finally looked up from the book and glanced at him, then snapped his fingers, someone coming from the kitchen almost immediately with a platter with his food on it. "Ah.. Crowley.. I don't know.. I'm not that hungry," he murmured, swallowing thickly. He hadn't been hungry for months, and that was showing too. "I don't care if you're hungry. I'm taking care of you, and the doctor emailed me your update. You're six feet tall, Cas, and you've lost almost 20 pounds since you're last checkup. You need to eat, and you'll like the foods, so don't worry." Crowley went back to his book, and Castiel sighed. There was no point in fighting. 

After he finished eating, and Crowley had stayed there to make sure he did finish, he stood and pushed his chair in, yawning and scratching at his head. He had this pain behind his eyes that wouldn't go away, and a weariness that didn't seem to face no matter how long he slept. He was about to return to his room when Crowley held up a finger and stood himself. "I've got something to show you, a gift actually, though god knows that I've given you enough already," Crowley chuckled at his own laugh as he led Castiel upstairs and into his personal study, the once place in the house he hadn't been in before. 

"Now, originally, it was going to be a wedding present, but that didn't go as planned, and I figured, what the hell, you probably need it now more than ever," Crowley said this as he walked over towards the overlooking window. There was a large tarp over something, and Crowley was quick to remove it to reveal a grand piano. Castiel covered his mouth as he saw it, not really understanding what was going on. 

"Crowley... you... you got this for me?" "As a wedding gift mind you, but you went and married someone else." Castiel hugged his friend close, not caring about the tears that started down his face. Once he started crying he couldn't really stop, even if there had been a small break. "Thank you.. but... could we move it to my house? When I can go back that is," he stepped back, his hands folded at the start of his neck. At the small nod his friend gave he smiled, wiping his tears again, and he went to sit at the small bench, placing his feet on the pedals, and his hands on the ivory keys. 

It had been ages since Castiel had played the piano, the last time being at the mall with Dean and then a music store where they looked at smaller ones, but hadn't bought one because they wanted to save up for something else. That didn't teach Castiel from teaching his late husband how to play, and even though he hadn't had much time to teach him, Dean had taken to it so quickly, and he had played wonderfully whenever he had. Just having a piano in his sights again almost made his tears return, from the memories that would stay just that, never becoming something extra. Now that he thought about it, he never got to play a piece correctly with Dean without teaching him. Another thing to add to the list of things he never did with the love of his life. 

"What're you waiting for, Cas? You gonna play something?" at the comment, Castiel sighed, and began moving his fingers gently over the keys, pressing them to recreate the tune Michael had taught him so long ago. He couldn't remember the name, but whenever he asked about it, no one knew either, leading him to believe his brother had written it, which wasn't far off the mark as his eldest brother had been a musical genius. The notes flowed easily, and he didn't need to look at his hands as he played from memory, creating a more soothing effect for himself. As he finished the song, he turned back around to be looking at Crowley. "Well, didn't know you played that good," he smirked. "I haven't had a reason, or a way to play in quite a while."

"Crowley... could we visit the music store tomorrow?" Crowley raised an eyebrow, but nodded his head. Castiel smiled, something he hadn't done in a while. "Though can I ask why?" "I need to also visit my home... because I'm sure Dean's guitar needs a new string, and I would like to make sure it's done properly." Crowley was clearly caught by surprise by that, but nodded his head, walking back over to the door to leave. Castiel watched him, and turned back to the piano. He hadn't been this happy in a while, and he was quite content with just playing the music for the rest of the night. 

The next morning, Castiel found himself in his bed, though he couldn't exactly remember leaving Crowley's study. He turned over to be on his back, looking up at the unpainted ceiling, just trying to remember what happened. Castiel couldn't remember taking the pill last night, and as soon as he thought that, he jumped out of bed and pulled the bottles out from under it, taking the one from last night, and then the one he would need to take this morning, and putting them in his hands as he rushed to the bathroom. He stank for one thing, and his morning breath wasn't doing good either, so after swallowing both pills Castiel was jumping into the shower to wash himself off. 

The shower was quite refreshing, and after shaving, another thing he had neglected to do in quite a while, he was getting dressed in a pair of jeans and one of Dean's old shirts. He walked into the kitchen to see a note on the fridge. 

'Cas, gone to city hall. I'll be back by lunch, and we'll go to your music store then.   
Crowley'

 

Knowing that he was alone wasn't comforting, but he decided to not dwell on it, and instead went to make himself breakfast, which consisted of an almost burnt omelet, and leftover bacon, though leftover from what he didn't know. He ate in the living room, watching the local news. It seemed as if the snow had let up, so maybe Castiel could.. he stopped thinking at that. He placed his plate down on the side table and shuddered, pulling his knees up to his chest before closing his eyes. Dean... thinking about him hurt more than anything, but he couldn't forget him. It would hurt more to know that he'd forgotten the most important person in his life. 

Trying to keep his breathing normal, he hurried to the bathroom and splashed some warm water onto his face, looking into the mirror before grabbing a towel to dry his hands and head. Castiel hadn't paid much attention to how he looked, but now that he'd been able to think about more than... that, he saw what was really happening. He seemed more pale than ever, and there were dark circles under his eyes. His hair looked horrible, even though he'd just taken a shower, more fragile if that was possible. Something was wrong, and he knew it, but fixing it meant moving on from Dean, and he didn't know if he could do that. Not yet anyways. 

Retreating to his room, he hide under the covers, hoping the warmth would help him sleep. It didn't, and instead he tossed and turned under the blanket which quickly became too hot, and threw it off. Nothing was working. He decided that it wouldn't hurt to go for a walk, so he put some shoes on and Dean's old sweatshirt, his overcoat last. Castiel took his phone and wallet as well, just in case he was out longer than he expected. 

It was rather cloudy outside, and he decided that touring the shopping district would be good. Maybe get something for Easter, as it was soon. Flowers were everywhere, inside of course, but the colors varied and so did the species. Castiel wandered into one of the larger flower shops and sighed. The smell was spectacular, and he wished he had brought Dean into one of these places, but his husband had always thought they were too delicate. Walking down the different aisles, he stopped in front of the roses and he frowned. There weren't any white ones. Instead, he picked up a dozen red ones and walked to the counter, where another woman was buying the same flowers he had been looking for. She walked out of the shop, walking down the street, only to meet up with a little boy and take his hand. 

"Sir?" Castiel turned his head to the cashier and muttered his apologies, getting his wallet out as he paid for the flowers. 

The walk towards the grave was long of course, because it was on the other side of town, but he walked right through it, not minding the cold that nipped at his ears and nose. those things couldn't bother him right now, not when he was visiting his husband. 

As he began to walk up the hill, he noticed two more figures, one smaller than the other, and as he came closer, it was the same woman from the flower shop. "Come on, Ben. We gotta go now," and she took the boy's hand, only to stop when she saw Castiel. "Oh, hello... um, did you know Dean?" "He... he was my... my husband," at this, Castiel began to choke up, not being able to stop the tears that slowly slid down his face. She nodded her head and bit her lip. "I... I knew him, and when I heard he had died... I thought... well... I bet he loved you very much. He wasn't one to really give out his feelings," she smiled, and Castiel couldn't help but mirror her as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "Thank you... it means so much to me," he could barely get the words out, and he walked behind her to the grave. The woman left him in silence, and he thanked her for that. 

The grave itself still looked the same, if a bit darker from being outside and constantly pelted with snow. The white roses that were there made him think of the funeral, and he regretted not giving the eulogy. There were so many things he could have said, but how would he have been able to put everything Dean meant to him into words? It wasn't something easily spoken, love that powerful. Castiel placed the flowers next to the white ones, and kissed his hand, placing it on the marble before walking back to sit on the bench. The tree of course was bare, and didn't keep the snow off, but Castiel didn't want to move. Dean was right there, and if he focused hard enough, he could still hear him laughing, and could imagine Dean's smile with the delicate wrinkles around his eyes. 

Castiel missed making him laugh like that. He missed just seeing him smile, and he missed kissing him when he came home from work, even if he was covered in grease and other car fluid. He missed how Dean's hair would get too long, and Castiel would ask him not to cut it, then finally gave up when Dean just made a problem out of it. The breakfast in bed on his birthday, even if it had only happened twice while they lived together; giving each other socks for every holiday that wasn't Christmas or a birthday; Dean accidentally pulling on one of his shirts only for it to be tight on him and Castiel would kiss him senseless because he loved when Dean wore his clothes. There were so many things he could and couldn't name that he missed about Dean, and the tears that fell from his face couldn't outnumber them. 

It was quite a lot later that Crowley called him, and he answered his phone after wiping his eyes again. "Yes?" "Where the bloody hell are you, Cas?" "I'm.. I'm visiting Dean." There was silence over the line, and Castiel could feel whatever unnamable emotion Crowley was emitting. "I'm coming to pick you up, and we'll drop by your house so you can pick up the guitar, alright?" "Okay." The phone call ended, and Castiel pocketed the device and stood, walking back to the headstone, only to kneel in front of it, the top of his head against the marble as his tears fell into the snow. "Dean... why.. why did you do that? I... did you think I could handle this? I thought I told you.. that we couldn't handle each other leaving again... But you left... did you think I didn't feel the same way? Dean... I just... I love you so much, and I just wish I had more time... Dean." Openly sobbing now, Castiel leaned back on his legs, his palms pushing into his eyes, trying to stop the flow of salt water. 

He didn't know what had happened to him. Castiel used to show almost no emotion at all, but now.... now everything was different. Dean wasn't there to comment on how he thought he was cute when he tilted his head or remained completely unemotional when he talked about them having sex one night or the other. He figured something in him had just broken after Dean died, after he realized he was going to be alone for the rest of his life. Something that couldn't be fixed. As he felt Crowley's hand on his shoulder, he wiped his eyes once more and raised to follow him to the car, getting into the passenger seat. 

"Crowley.. I don't think I can do this today... maybe... maybe later," he swallowed thickly, unable to look at his now guardian. "Well, no matter, I'll go and pick it up for you. Where is it?" "Crowley... no, please... just let me do this when I can.. please," he couldn't explain it, but his house had this horrible feeling looming over it, and he didn't know if he'd be able to live in that yet, if ever again. Crowley eyed him, and nodded his head as he turned the way to go home, instead of Castiel's house upon a hill. Dean was there in the house, and he knew he couldn't handle that right now. Not when his death, and his everything was still so fresh in his mind.


	28. Chapter 28

It was two weeks before Castiel could finally go back into his own house, his hand shaking as he turned the key to unlock the door. He pocketed his keys and stepped inside, not really surprised to see the place so dusty and dark. He'd been living at Crowley's for about half a month, and the house was completely empty of living things. Turning on a light, he placed the bag he had in the kitchen. He was to only be retrieving a few more things, because he still couldn't live on his own, at least the doctor and Crowley both said that. 

The guitar was the first thing he grabbed. It was propped against the corner of their old bedroom, the case next to it. After putting that down by the bag, he took the duffle to his room again to get some books he wanted to read. He looked over at Dean's side of the bed, and wasn't surprised to find the few copies of Vonnegut they had, and he put those in the bag before going to the attic and fetching the books he had put up there. Dean's photo album from when they were young, and had camping trips and the tree in the backyard. The few pictures they had with Mary were singed on some of the edges, but they were there. More memories that he could only look back at and feel pain. 

More clothes of course, Dean's old leather jacket, and his jeans, even if they were too big by just a bit. Everything he brought back to Crowley's was basically his late husband's. The house would be taken care of completely, Crowley would hire someone to see to it, at least he told Castiel that. The guitar was restrung, and put next to the piano, but Castiel couldn't play it, his heart wasn't in the mood, not even for the piano. Retreating to his room, even after Crowley had asked him to stay out, he laid in the bed. 

The moon shone brightly through his balcony, and Castiel could not sleep, so he picked up the photo album and walked outside into the cold to sit on the small chair. The wind whipped by him, chilling him further. He had already turned the small light on, and he just opened the album. 

The first picture within the small leather bound book was of Castiel, Sam, Dean on Sam's birthday, as they had celebrated it late due to moving. Castiel was wearing a small party hat, though he seemed to be fidgeting with it, Dean had his arm around Cas's shoulders, and one on Sam's head, ruffling his hair as Mary took the picture. He remembered that day. It had been a week after they moved in, and he had been invited because Dean had dubbed him 'cool'. It was the starting of what would become a friendship, an almost brotherhood, and then marriage. If Castiel had known then that he would have been hurt so badly by this family, by Dean alone... he figured he'd still live through it. The love overrode the pain. 

The second picture was a sometime later during the summer, after the fire, and after Mary had died. Castiel had helped rebuild the house, and they were all sitting on the newly done porch, the whole of the Novaks, minus his father, and the Winchesters. Everyone had helped to put it back together, and they looked more like a family than Castiel had even thought. The house was probably still standing, though their mansion had regrettably been sold when his parents had decided that no one would use it ever again. Maybe if they hadn't sold it, and Castiel had moved back home, maybe Dean wouldn't have died. He immediately put that thought out of his head. It wasn't good to dwell on the past, but he knew that was all he was doing by looking through the photo album. 

Closing the photo album, Castiel sighed and looked out to the backyard. It was snowing again, but very lightly, as it really had been getting warmer, no matter what the weather man said about it. It was dark other than that, so he couldn't make much out, but he knew the layout of the backyard good enough by now. There were many different trees, many evergreens believe it or not, that adorned the land behind Crowley's house; most of the trees had lost their leaves though, leaving them bare and skeleton like as they were scattered across the expanse of grass that was also dying in the cold. Everything was colorless in the before twilight hours, and Castiel couldn't help but think he'd seen everything like this the last couple months. 

The next thing he knew, there was a faint haze coming over the horizon, signaling to him that he'd stayed up another night, and would need to sleep before Crowley decided he couldn't stay in his room anymore. Rushing back inside, pulling the curtains and turning the light off he almost leaped onto his bed and under the comforter, curling up to gain the warmth he didn't know he had let slip from his body. He fell asleep before he really knew what was happening. 

Knocking coming from the door woke him up, and he groaned, his head pounding as he covered it with his pillow. "Castiel! You've got to wake up! You're leaving in a couple hours!" At that, Castiel jolted out of bed and to the door, opening it to see Crowley. "What?" "You're heading off to California, to visit Sam. He's been worried, and some sun would do you good. Now pack your bag and shower, we're leaving in two hours." Crowley walked back off after that, leaving Castiel in the doorway to stare after him. 

Sam. The younger Winchester, his brother-in-law, had completely slipped his mind. It had been so long, ever since he came to pick up the Impala over a month ago. Castiel shuddered though, if he wasn't here, and he was in California, he wouldn't be able to visit Dean's grave. He hadn't been able to go that often, not being able to leave the house on his own all that much, but he'd been so close to it. Going to California meant being hundreds of miles away from his husband. The thought of being so far away was appalling, but he knew he had no choice, and maybe being around Sam and Jessica would help him. Actual family, even if legally, would be good. Gabriel and Anna were busy still with their own lives, and Castiel hadn't bothered them with his current situation, he din't see the point. 

Pulling the duffle bag from it's corner, he began putting clothes in it,m most of the clothes he had retrieved from his house the other day, as they were clean and unused. After that was packed, he stopped, thinking about how he didn't know how long he was staying in California, but Castiel shook his head, dismissing that. He could wash his clothes if he hadn't packed enough. A backpack was pulled out of his small closet as well, and he put his books in that, and would be able to read those during the flight, even if it wasn't that long. Castiel placed his bags next to his bedroom door and went into the bathroom to shower. 

The hot water felt good to on his back, so he was sure he spent a good five minutes just letting the knots be undone back there before actually starting to wash off the grime that covered his body. Stepping out of the shower, he looked in the mirror and sighed. It would probably be best if he shaved before going over to Sam and Jessica's house. The beard he had grown was quite a sight, but he remembered how Dean always had liked it when he was somewhat scruffy, especially when they were kissing. The thought made him smile, before he remembered that it wouldn't happen again. Shaking slightly as he sighed, he continued to shave the hair off his face anyways, and washed it soon after. 

Once he was back in his room, he dressed in a pair of old jeans, his old shirt, instead of choosing one of Dean's, with his trench coat on over. Sitting on the bed, he waited until Crowley would come to fetch him. Of course, being on his own only let him think further into how screwed his mind was at the time. He was unable to sit long without thinking about what he would never again experience. The love of his life was gone, and he was there to show that. The stupid car accident, the idiotic drunk driver had killed his husband. Dean had saved him from that fate. 

Without his knowledge, tears had again welled up in his eyes and streamed down his face, and he only realized it when he went to mindlessly wipe at them. Crowley walked in, seeing just this, and Castiel could tell he was upset. "What's wrong now?" "I'm.... alone. Dean's gone, Crowley..... I should have never let him into my house, I should have just avoided him, and now-" "Castiel, I swear to god shut the hell up. Did you ever think about what Dean thought about this? He saved you, because he wanted to protect you, because he loved you, and for no other reason." Castiel shook his head, his hands coming to rub at his eyes now. "No, Dean... he always doubted himself.. he probably thought he wasn't good enough, and he was, god, he was the best, and he's gone, Crowley. He was my whole life, he deserved everything I could give him and more, because he just loved me for me, and I loved him so much, I still do, but he's gone, and I don't know if I can handle this much more." Words were just falling from his mouth, Cas not have the ability to stop himself.

Castiel was standing now, his hands balled into fists as his side as he tried to make Crowley understand this gaping hole that resided within his heart. This hole that Dean used to fit perfectly in, and was now empty, because the simple joy Dean was able to give was now gone, all because some stupid driver had decided to have too much to drink. "GOD DAMMIT, CAS! HE'D WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!" Crowley shouted, and his arms were to his side, raised now as he tried to prove his point. "He'd want you to love him and be strong, not mope about like this. I knew him well enough to know that. Just try, Castiel. Try to be better. Dean would have wanted that." The shouting startled him, and he stepped back slightly, staring at Crowley through red puffy eyes, trying to keep to himself. He knew this to be true, Dean's last words had been practically this, but Castiel hadn't told anyone, because how was he supposed to keep to it? He would have been a horrible husband.

"Alright," he mumbled, getting his bags and things as they headed down to the car. Castiel stuffed his things into the backseat, sitting there as well while Crowley drove him to the airport and dropped him off. "Sam should be there to pick you up. Castiel, please, just try. Try to get that he wouldn't have done that for anyone else." The car sped away soon after that, leaving Castiel to watch as Crowley left him at the airport to confront Sam. 

Again the plane was crowded, but at least this time instead of children surrounding him it was just a woman that looked to be about his age, grading papers. He was able to read in peace, and he pulled out one of the books he'd brought along. They were the Vonnegut books Dean had kept by his bedside. He couldn't decide which one he wanted to start with, so just went with one he hadn't read in a while. 

Castiel read for the duration of the flight, and was surprised that within the book were small post it notes, and writing in the margins. They were in Dean's handwriting, but he never knew Dean to be one to write in books, then again, Dean did most of his reading when he had days off of work, and Castiel was still stuck at the library. He smiled every time he read whatever Dean had to think about what was happening in the book, till he got to the middle of it, and his eyes widened. Dean was specifically talking to him in this note. 

 

'Hey Cas, you're probably reading this because I told you to, or you found it somewhere and decided to pick it up. How do you like it? Vonnegut is one of my favorites, so I hope you like him too. When you finish maybe you should just bring it up in conversation, and we can have those debates you always have with Sam over the phone. I think I wrote in a couple other of his books as well, so make sure to check those out. Love you, Dean.'

 

Tears began to form in his eyes, and he closed the book after marking his place, unable to see clearly. He wiped at the salt water starting to go down, and just closed his eyes. Dean had written that note before the accident, which meant.... it meant that he had been hoping to have a talk about books or something. It meant that they would have just talked more in general about the same things they were both interested in. He'd never really thought to talk about a lot of books with Dean, he mostly talked about what was happening in the library, and about other things, never reading material, at least to a high extent. 

Re-opening the book, Castiel read on, replying to Dean's notes in his head as he read through them. It was unbelievable, how well Dean could analyze books and writings, and Castiel was astounded by how he felt about the individual characters and how they related to the plot. It made it more exciting, more happy for Castiel to be reading these. It was as if Dean was still sitting right next to him. Of course they probably would have driven to California and not ridden a plane. 

Finishing the book, he placed it back with the others, not getting another one out because the plane was supposed to land soon. He just looked over at the other people and sighed. They all had their own stories they were living, and had no clue the inner turmoil he was dealing with at the moment. It made him feel a bit better, knowing that someone else might be going through something worse, he just only hoped he didn't just jinx himself. 

The plane landed smoothly, and Castiel was able to fetch his belongings and exit without any problems. The airport was bustling, and he sighed, San Francisco was not his favorite place. Believe it or not, he got very car sick there once, the hills being too much with the speeds they allowed. He looked around, hoping he would see the familiar giant that was his brother-in-law. Sam was no where to be found though, so he walked of towards the nearest coffee vendor, which happened to be rather close to his gate. Then there, standing in front of the register as he paid for his coffee, was Sam, smiling at the barista as he got two cups. When he turned around and spotted Castiel, he smiled, moving around the people till they were standing in front of each other. 

"Here, I got this for you. I hope you're fine with just this.. I don't really remember what Jessica called it," he smiled as he handed the coffee to Castiel, taking his suitcase as the shorter man took a sip of the warm drink. "This is wonderful... it tastes almost like... no, I can't really place it, but it's nice. Thank you, Sam. You didn't have to." "No problem, now let's get back, Jess has a dinner planned out and everything." Sam then turned and started walking through the people and towards the exit. 

The car ride from San Francisco to Palo Alto wasn't long, but they had hid midday traffic. Conversation flowed easy, Sam asking about any recent studies, or anything he thought Castiel might like. They began a heated debate on something Castiel had completely forgotten about until Sam brought it up. Overall, the ride was relaxing, and the house they parked in front of was inviting. 

It was a simple house, once story, with small garden beds in full bloom in the front. Roses, tulips, alyssum, and other flowers rising to meet the sun. Castiel couldn't help but smile at that, it seemed relaxing. There was a small porch swing that Jessica was sitting on, a book in her hands as she lazily swung back and forth. Sam walked up first, giving her a kiss, his hands trailing down to her bulging belly. It was then that Castiel remembered she was pregnant, and well along at that, at least 7 months into her pregnancy. 

"Castiel, it's so nice to see you again. Please, come inside, I readied the guest bedroom with new sheets and everything. Make yourself at home," she smiled, as she pushed her bright blonde hair behind her ear, holding Sam's hand all the same. "Thank you for having me," he nodded and stepped inside, sighing at the relief of a new environment. 

Being in a place too long seemed to have been getting to him, hence needing a vacation from his house, and now Crowley's. He didn't know if he'd ever go back to his own house, but he knew he would need to eventually. Around the first corner was the guest bedroom, and he walked inside, bringing his bags with him before settling them on the bed. 

Castiel sat on the bed next to his bags, sighing before turning his head to look out the window. It was quite a nice day, spring basically upon the small suburban town, and Castiel was fine just staring at the small shrubbery that stood outside his window, and onto the small street that turned off just from their house. There was a soft knock on the door, and he looked to see Jessica standing there, a small smile upon her face as she looked to him. “Dinner’s about ready, just thought I’d tell you. We’re having spaghetti,” she nodded, almost to herself, and left, leaving the door open, and the smell of pasta and meat seeping into his room.

The room itself was quiet in a sense, calming even. The walls were a light tan, and the carpet was light as well. The only thing that stood out was the dark wooden dresser, and of course, Castiel himself. Standing, he removed his coat and placed it on top of his bags, removing his shoes afterward to be left in his socks. It wasn't hard to find the dining room, and he sat down across from Sam at the small square table. It was a surprise when Sam and Jessica both folded their hands to say grace. Castiel hadn't done that since before Dean had come back. 

Dinner was mostly silent, at least Castiel didn't say much as he found himself famished and wiped his plate clean with a small piece of bread. Sam and Jess both stared at him a bit afterward, a warm smile on both of their faces, as though they were glad. "I seem to have had an appetite... I hadn't even realized," he said softly. He had never really eaten much, but he had completely cleared his plate in minutes. It must have been the fact that he hadn't eaten well in months. "Well that's quite fine, but I don't know if you'll have room for dessert. It's not much, just some regular ice cream, but we haven't had it in a while," Jessica nodded to herself, finishing her plate off as well before standing up and collecting the dishes. 

"Oh, Jessica, don't worry about these. I'll do them, it's the least I could do for you two letting me stay here," Castiel stood as he said this, taking the plates and eating utensils from her hands. She sighed, but nodded, a smile still lighting her face. "I'm only saying yes because little Timothy has been kicking up a storm lately." She went to cradle her extremely swollen abdomen, and Castiel nodded. "A boy? Congratulations.. and that's a very nice name as well, Timothy." Castiel told her, a small smile spreading over his face as he walked to the kitchen.

He began washing them and Sam came in shortly to help him put them into the dishwasher, while Jessica spooned out small servings of ice cream for them for during the show. Castiel asked what show, and of course it turned out to be something he hadn't really heard of. He ate his ice cream as he sat in the small chair, Sam and Jessica in the love seat. It was quiet except for the clink of spoons as the two were engrossed into the television. Castiel, during a commercial, took their dishes and deposited them into the washer, retreating to his room before the other two could say anything about it. He needed to think over his day, and sleep away his worries about being so far away from his home, and his husband.


	29. Chapter 29

Easter had come and gone just like that, and on April 6th, a clear Wednesday morning, Jessica went into premature labor. The baby wasn't due until another month, but it seemed as though the baby was coming. Sam rushed her to the hospital, leaving Castiel alone at home to wait it out. 

He ate breakfast by himself, and a call came almost towards lunch. "Hello?" "Cas, Jess is still in labour, but they say she's almost through, the baby's coming, and I'll call back in a few hours," Sam didn't give him time to talk and soon hung up, leaving him alone at the house. It didn't feel much different from his own. 

After eating lunch alone as well, and busying himself with whatever he could, mostly just flipping through channels and trying to fall asleep to no avail, the doorbell rang. Walking up to answer it, he saw that it was a young woman, she looked to be about Sam's age, and was carrying a box filled with books. "Is Sam home?" "Ah, no.. he's at the hospital with his wife. Why?" "Oh, I only needed to drop this off. I borrowed a couple books for my own, and I wanted to return them," she smiled, and Castiel moved to let her inside, and he walked like the knew the place, putting the box on the dining room table. 

"So how do you know Sam?" she asked, pushing her brown hair behind her ear. "Ah, I'm his brother-in-law. I'm visiting.. for a while," he nods his head as he gulps. "Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Madison, and if I'm right that means Jessica's having her baby? Make sure to tell them congratulations for me, alright?" "Of course! It was nice meeting you," Cas smiled weakly as she made her way out of the house, looking back to the table where the books were. That was a brief meeting, but it made him forget a lot that had been on his mind, since it had been so random. 

The phone suddenly rang as Cas finished eating leftover meatloaf from the day before. He hurried to get it and pressed it to his ear. "Hello? Sam?" "Cas! The baby came! Timothy, god, he's beautiful. Uh, I'm staying the night here with Jess, but I'll be back tomorrow to get some things. They said since he's early they have to make sure he's healthy, but that she'll be able to come home by Friday or Saturday," Sam was rushing through his sentences, and as he did, Castiel had taken a seat on the couch, the first real smile he'd worn in years decorating his face. "That's wonderful.... ah, when can I see him? Should I wait until you bring him home? I... I don't know if I can drive there." It was quiet for a split second before Sam replied, "Yeah, that'd be best. I mean.. yeah, I understand. I have pictures, and I can show you those tomorrow. Hey, thanks for watching the house." "It's no problem, Sam, you've done so much more for me." The conversation ended quickly after that, leaving Cas alone again in the empty house. 

Being by himself felt weird now. It wasn't so much the fact that he wanted to seclude himself, but the fact that no one was even around to want him with them. They were busy, away, unable to give him any attention. He couldn't go to them if he needed it; he was alone. 

The house though made good sport, and Castiel wandered through it, he hadn't really paid attention to the tour Jessica had given him a week or two ago. He walked into the nursery, and smiled. He had helped put the finishing touches on the mural behind the crib just last week with Sam. The far wall held the moon and stars along with dark clouds and of course the aurora borealis. It hadn't been that hard, they'd had help from some of Sam's college friends, but it still felt like a major accomplishment. 

Castiel found himself in Sam and Jessica's study, and sighed. He hadn't really come in here, instead staying in his room most of the time, catching up on sleep or reading. As he turned, he tripped over something, and looked to see a small instrument case. He tilted his head, wondering on earth it could be until he picked it up and placed it on the desk, opening it. Inside was an exquisite violin. He blinked a few times, thinking back to private lessons when he was younger. Dean had come to the practices to watch him, until he'd given up the violin, mostly forced because Hester had no longer trusted the instructor. Tightening the bow just a bit, and placing rosin on the bow hair, he brought the violin in his shoulder and used his chin to keep it in place. 

The first note he struck told him that the violin needed to be tuned, to he looked around the study, and was lucky to find a tuner, and used it while he fiddled with the knobs to make sure the strings were tightened enough. 

With that, he closed his eyes, and tried to remember how to exactly play the instrument. His fingers moved deftly as he played a lullaby he could barely remember. The notes coming in the right place, reverberating through the room as he tried to use the vibrato he hadn't quite perfected when he was younger. A sharp snap stopped him, and he was breathing hard after realizing a string had broken. Hopefully Sam and Jessica wouldn't be too upset with him for it, he hadn't asked, but he'd had nothing to do. Castiel placed the violin back in the case and rushed back into his room, as though Sam would find him and kick him out. 

With nothing to do really, Cas went to just stay inside his room. The rest of the house being empty just scared him. He wasn't as familiar with it as he should be, having lived there for almost a month now, and the fact that it just felt wrong. Castiel wanted to go back home, he wanted to visit Dean. 

Putting thoughts out of his head was hard, but he managed to do it again, finding something that could distract him. There was only one book let of Dean's that he'd brought and hadn't read, so he fished that out, knowing it wouldn't really push the problem away. Slaughterhouse-Five. Dean had loved this book, had just loved to read Vonnegut. That should make Castiel happy, at least he thought it should, but it didn't. The writing of the man was sad, and to read sad things now... well, it would not help his situation. Opening the book anyways, he began reading. 

Unfortunately, he fell asleep before finishing the first chapter, the book over his chest as he lay on his bed. What woke him was Sam gently knocking on the door. "Cas? I'm here to just pick up some stuff. I'll be back later tonight, and Jess is coming home tomorrow with Timothy." Sam left again before Castiel could register what he said. Removing the book and placing it on the nightstand, Castiel rubbed at his eyes, trying to pry them open. He had slept better that night then he had in a while, and he smiled at that. Maybe he was improving, and could go home soon. His real home, not Crowley's lifeless mansion. The one he had shared with Dean before he had died. 

Getting up from bed wasn't easy, the warmth of the blankets calling his name, wanting him to just stay there. Castiel didn't take that though, and was up to take a shower. He would need to go outside today, talk a small walk around the block maybe, because his room was getting stuffy. A quick breakfast of toast and a cup of tea, his overcoat on his shoulders, and he was stepping out of the house. 

The morning air was crisp, and looking at the time his phone blazed out from his pocket, it was only around seven. Castiel still didn't know his way around the town, even though he'd gone with Jessica and Sam on frequent grocery runs, and had even done one by himself after some coaxing and needing to pick out his own brews of tea. He would wander until needed, but he made sure to at least check street and road signs before he turned or went a certain way. Hopefully that would be enough to help him get back without having to call anyone. 

Other people were up too. School was still in session, so children of all ages were getting ready to go, some leaving later, which could be told as they ran out of their house towards cars, calling their parents to hurry so they wouldn't be late. There were regular workers as well, though not many, as the work day still didn't start for another hour. Once or twice, Castiel saw people jogging with their dogs by their sides, or even riding a bike. It was a nice day, that much could be told. 

It wasn't until around lunch that he realized he'd been out so long, and only then because someone called him and he looked at his phone. "Hello?" "Cas! I haven't heard from you in forever, and it seems you're finally starting to pick up your phone again. How are you?" It was Anna, who was clearly happy to talk to him. Castiel smiled and took to sitting on a short stone wall. "I think I'm doing better, though I'll need to find my way back to Sam's house." "You're in California? Didn't know that. Crowley doesn't tell us anything anymore." "I've been here for about a month." Anna seemed to be thinking, as her lack of response wouldn't really mean anything else. Castiel bit his lip, what was she thinking about? Was he doing something wrong? 

"Sorry, Ruby wanted something. And that's a long time, Cas! When're you looking at going back home?" Castiel tried to hold back his sigh of relief. She'd simply been talking to her wife. "I don't know. Maybe early next month. I'm staying to help with Sam and Jessica's new son." "So she finally popped, eh? Well, make sure to tell them congrats for me. Now, here's the question. Are you up to having Gabe and me over? Just for a few days after you've gone home." "That would be fine, why wouldn't it be?" "Just wondering is all. Well look at the time, I gotta get going. But hey, you can call any time, that's what big sisters are for. Gabe too, and you should probably contact him and tell him how you're doing, alright? Take care of yourself, by Cas!" With that the call ended, and Castiel was smiling as he stared at his phone in his hands. 

Pocketing the phone, Castiel stood up and looked around him. It would have helped if he had paid more attention to where he had been walking, for he was now close to some shopping center. Checking the time again, he saw it was half past twelve, so he decided he would stroll over there and have a look at what restaurants they had. 

Others were going through the district as well, and it wasn't hard to find a cafe he would be able to get some tea at. A small bell chimed as he entered, and he smiled as he saw who was within the small coffee shop. Students, college he expected, were on their laptops, with textbooks or notepads next to them, with some sort of drink next to them, and things plugged into electrical outlets. There was no line at the counter, the last customer had just been served, so he walked up, and looked at the menu. 

"May I help you?" came the voice of the woman working the register, and Castiel glanced at her before returning his gaze to the menu. "I.. would like some green tea, the easiest kind to make, but the biggest serving, ah, large I guess. Then I would also like one of those ham and cheese sandwiches, if that's no problem," he nodded to himself, and then to the women, who's name tag read 'Wendy'. "No problem, your order will be up in a moment," and she went off to start on his order. 

Waiting against the wall just to the side of the counter where she was working, Castiel watched as she moved through the steps of preparing his meal, which was of course extremely simple, and she was done in mere minutes. "Here you go, that will be an even six dollars," she smiled at him as she pushed his order forward, and he dug his wallet out of his other pocket, and took out the bills he owed her. Handing them over, he grabbed his food and nodded again. "Thank you." "It was nothing," she continued to smile, but Castiel knew it couldn't be in the way every person who worked at a store of restaurant were told to. It seemed sincere, and that made him feel a little better. 

A seat next to the door was open, and he gladly sat there, placing his things on the table before fetching another napkin. The tea was soothing, if a bit too hot, but Castiel didn't mind, as it helped quench his thirst as he ate the sandwich. It was rather simple, and he couldn't help but like that. It wasn't as if he had been doing anything really productive ever since last December. It made him think he should be doing something to help other people, but what? Another job would be good, but he hadn't looked for one since before Sam and Jessica even told them she was pregnant. Everything had been focused on the wedding, and now....

Castiel shook his head and finished his food, drinking the last few drops of his drink and throwing his napkins away before stepping back up to the counter. "Would you mind if I got another? It's very good," he smiled and pushed the cup towards Wendy. "Of course, that'll be $2.50," she took the cup as she said this to go refill it. The bills and coins were out soon after, and he passed them to her as he clutched the cup she gave to him in return. "Thank you," he said again, and Wendy chuckled, "It was no problem." 

Finding directions back home wasn't that difficult, he just asked one of the men about to walk into the cafe he just exited. The roads were much busier now, so he had to watch where he was going for more than one reason as he made his way home. This meant more moving around to avoid running into people who were occupied with something as they walked down the same street he did. It hadn't really occurred to him how distracted people were with what was happening on around them. Maybe he had just been blind to it, his depression making it hard to see anything other the things that had him in such bad moods. 

Castiel was home by two, and he was thoroughly tired by then, and decided a nap was in order, so changing back into his pajamas, he just laid himself on the bed and fell asleep promptly. 

Again, he was awoken by Sam knocking on his door, and he looked to the clock first to see that it was now eight in the evening. "Cas? Have you been asleep all day?" Castiel turned over in his bed, running his hand through his hair, which now, thinking about it, probably needed a trim. "No, just since this afternoon," he stifled a yawn and stood, slowly stretching his arms above his head. "Ah, well, did you eat dinner?" Sam, at closer inspection, looked tired, and Castiel shook his head before rubbing his eyes and pulling a pair of sweats on. "Pizza should be good, and it's easy on both of us," Castiel offered as he picked up his cell phone, "You should take a shower, and that way you can eat and sleep. You look terrible."

Sam chuckled, running his own hand through his hair. "I remember saying the same thing to you when you first came over. Guess you're doing better?" "I believe so, though... I don't think I'll ever be the same." Sam nodded, sighing. "No one ever is." Castiel sighed, thinking about this. Dean was gone, but he couldn't do anything about it, and he had more than overused his mourning time. "I'll call it in. Is just cheese okay?" "Yeah, Cas. That's fine."

The two ate their pizza a half hour later, sitting on the couch as they watched one of the pre-season baseball games. Other than the crowd in the far off diamond, it was quiet as the two men, except when Sam popped off the top of a beer bottle and got a glass of water for Cas. They sat there just in silence after the game was over, and Castiel sighed. "So how is she?" Sam chuckled, smiling all the same as he thought back to his wife at the hospital. "She's tired. Beautiful. Timothy has her hair... and his eyes... well, I'll let you see him tomorrow when we pick her up." Castiel nodded, picking at the fuzz on the couch as he thought about it. He'd never really cared for a child, nor had he ever been very big in a child's life, but now he would be Timothy's only uncle. 

Sam patted him on the shoulder and stood from the couch, stifling a yawn before retiring to his room. Castiel followed suit after turning the kitchen light off and brushing his teeth. He didn't sleep though, more so just laid in bed with his eyes closed thinking about sleep, and about what had happened. Dean was gone, just like everyone else, but somehow, Dean leaving permanently hurt more than when his family had died in that plane crash such a long time ago. It didn't seem very fair; Dean had left so many times, and he'd always come back, but this time he wouldn't. Castiel thought that maybe that's what made him so sad. Innately, he always had a feeling Dean would come back to him, and he always had, except now it was impossible. Soon after thinking this, Castiel slipped into a dreamless sleep. 

The next morning, Castiel woke up around seven, and was surprised to find that Sam was still asleep, sprawled on his bed, dead to the world. He decided that maybe he should be nice, and he began to prepare a small breakfast for them, just some scrambled eggs and sausages. Sam's feet padded on the flood at the entrance of the kitchen, and Cas glanced his way to see him rubbing his eyes. "Get ready to go, then we'll eat, alright?" Castiel chuckled as Sam nodded and yawned, walking back into his room, the shower starting only minutes after he had left. 

The drive to the hospital was quiet, and Castiel would constantly just touch the crook of Sam's elbow, telling him everything was fine and that he needed to calm down when he began to breathe to rapidly. They made it to the large building, Sam parking close to the entrance, hurrying towards the doors after locking it, Castiel having to rush to stay with him. The nurse at the reception desk smiled at Sam, and just nodded as he walked down the hallways towards the elevator. Castiel followed, not really sure how he was handling being in a hospital again, with the last time being so traumatic. 

They finally made it to Jessica's room, and Castiel stood by the door as Sam went to kneel next to her, Timothy in her arms. They talked quietly, and he couldn't keep down his smile as he saw the baby's arms move around, grasping his mother's fingers, and reaching towards Sam. "Cas, come over here," the taller man waved towards himself, and Castiel obliged, his hands behind his back. Timothy was so small, and he already had a small patch of blond hair rooted on his head. His hands were so small, and the next thing he knew, Sam was holding him, walking closer to Castiel. "Do you want to hold him?" Blinking, Castiel nodded, holding his arms out to accept the infant. 

Once placed into his arms, Timothy seemed to realize that he was not being held by his mother or father, and squirmed to look at Castiel better, freezing when he saw his face. Castiel held his breath. Timothy's eyes were almost the same shade of green Dean's had been. Timothy reached his hands forward suddenly, and Cas leaned his head forward, the baby touching his nose, and he began to squeal in delight, gurgling like any and every baby did. He found himself smiling back, and he rocked Timothy gently in his arms, and the baby in response just kept his hands on Cas's chest, the other reaching for his face again. 

"He likes you," Jessica smiled up at Castiel as he handed the baby back to her. "I think he was just excited to see a new face, is all," Castiel couldn't see why an infant would fine him interesting. He didn't even find himself interesting. "Well, you're his uncle, so he must know you're going to be close to him as he grows up." Castiel nodded, not really ever being one to argue. The couple was extremely happy, it was written all over their faces, and he couldn't help but feel happy too.


	30. Chapter 30

Castiel began packing his bags towards the end of May, knowing it was beyond time he went home. Being around Timothy gave this simple joy he knew he would miss, but he couldn't find it in him to move away from the house he had go through so much in. Sam and Jessica were sad to see him go, but they made him wait until the end of May, using the last weekend for one final outing.

                They all dressed appropriately for the sunny weather, and Jessica got the stroller ready. A close park was their destination, just a nice stroll would be a good place for a farewell. Jessica went ahead of them, sitting on a bench and holding Timmy in her arms as Castiel and Sam continued their stroll.

                Many things soared through Cas's mind, his hands behind his back as he watched his feet. "You know, you're the first person Dean's really loved outside of family," Sam said abruptly, and Castiel stopped where he was, staring at the ground. "What?" "Well, you two were so close as kids, he wouldn't shut up about you, really. Like you were something to show off, and he always worried that he wouldn't be able to be a good enough friend." Sam smiled, but his eyes told another story. He was hurting too. Castiel knew Dean and Sam had been close, extremely so compared to his brothers.

                "I... I didn't know that. He never liked talking about our childhood. He barely... he barely talked about the accident," Castiel was of course referring to the one right after his late husband had left him at high-school. It had made the papers, and Castiel wasn't the same after that, though he was more different now. "He hated you... at least, he said he did. I knew he didn't for a fact, because not a day went by when he didn't pick up the phone, just holding it, the number dialed. I think he was scared.. that you really did leave him this time," Sam shook his head, and they continued walking.

                Castiel couldn't really understand what was going on. This was his chance to find out what had happened, but now that he did have that chance, did he really want to know what had gone through his partner's mind? It was silent again as they walked, and Castiel went from looking at the ground to looking at the trees, in awe of how beautiful they seemed to be. Or maybe that was just because he didn't want to really focus on what they were talking about.

                "The reason I wanted to come here was because... the first week after we.. you... after we were separated, we went to this park in Missoula. Well, Dean did, I followed him from the motel room. We didn't really know where we were going, he hadn't decided to go to Bobby's place yet. It was deserted except for him, and well, he was almost yelling. Talking to someone, or, I don't know, God? He was never really religious, but he was sure spilling his guts. He said everything that was on his mind, about how much he missed you, about how he hated the fact that he couldn't be around you anymore," Sam paused, his eyes closed before opening them again.

                "Why are you telling me this? Sam... of what importance is this to me now? I... I... Dean," he sighed, and he sat on a nearby bench, his hands on his knees. Castiel's breath was shaky, and he tried to calm down. "Because. It was there.... that Dean first said he loved you." Castiel's eyes had already begun to get irritated, and as he gripped the fabric of his slacks, he couldn't fight the tears, and they came spilling down his face. "Since... since then? Since high-school? He loved me all that time..."This of course was said through sobs, and Sam sat down next to him, leaning against the back of the bench. "I actually think it was before then. He was crazy about you mostly, especially after the first time we moved... I think he loved you more than he even knew."

                Sam patted his hand on his knee, and put his arm around his shoulder. Castiel couldn't speak, tears choking him as he tried to keep quiet. He could only think back to sleep overs held at his house when they were younger, always in the attic, and about how Dean would try and scare him every time, because he said he had liked the face he made. Back to the first day of middle school, when Dean had been so upset they only had PE together, but was happy again when they had their lockers next to each other. So many things that showed that Dean had cared so much even though they were so young. They had always been so young, so vulnerable, and willing to do whatever for the other. It was proven multiple times, and just thinking back so far, to when they hadn't known what was going to happen down the road, he couldn't help but cry more. Dean was gone.

                Castiel had to stop, he knew that crying over Daen for the rest of his life wouldn't get him anywhere, even if the empty feeling in his chest did swallow him some day, he could at least do something till then. Dean hadn't died for nothing, he had wanted Castiel to live for him, so why was it so hard to do that? Castiel stood from the bench wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Sam stood with him, patting him on the back. Trying to swallow the lump in his throat, Castiel nodded. "I think it's about time I went home."

               

____________________________________________

 

                The airport was busy as usual, and Castiel held his overcoat in his arms, it was too warm to be wearing it, but there was no room in his suitcase or backpack. He looked around, and sighed, looking behind him to see Sam and Jessica. "You know you're  always welcome in our home. No matter what," Jessica seemed to want to make sure Cas knew he was wanted there, and he nodded, stepping forward to give her a hug. She squeezed him tight, kissing him on the cheek before letting go. He shifted his gaze to Sam, whose eyes were warm, his smile genuine. "Don't be a stranger, and call regularly, alright? Or we'll all come over there," he chuckled, and he hugged Cas as well. Then Castiel knelt in front of the stroller to see Timothy staring blankly up at him, his eyes a startling green as he watched Cas's face, and then he reached out to it. Castiel smiled and leaned forward, taking the baby's other hand, the small fingers wrapping around his thumb. "I'll be seeing you too, Timmy," and then he stood. "I'll keep in touch this time, I promise." Sam and Jessica continued to wave even after they could no longer see him.

                Castiel had a window seat this time, and thankfully the seat next to his was empty. He placed his backpack there, and fished out Slaughterhouse-Five. With all the commotion with the baby, he hadn't been able to read properly since he started it so long ago, so he figured it a good time to continue. Instead of continuing where he had left off though, he began it again, not really caring since he was a fan of Vonnegut himself.

                He was a bit excited to see what Dean had thought of this book, and when he came to the first of the notes written in the small margins he stopped. It was in blue, and they hadn't owned any pens really, at least, the only ones he kept in his briefcase for work. The last one had gone missing a week or two before the accident. He shook his head and read it over again. It was next to the part when Vonnegut talked about Lot and his wife, and how she turned back, and he closed his eyes, looking at the writing again: _"It's okay to be sad, Cas. Looking back is only human, just don't stay there, please."_

                Castiel blinked a few times. This seemed different somehow, but he couldn't place how. He kept reading on anyways, knowing that maybe it was just a fluke, maybe Dean hadn't really understood what he was writing, though he couldn't see his husband doing that.

                The next thing he noticed was that the paragraph explaining how the beings on Trafalmadore explained time, or how they viewed it, but there was no note next to it, no messy handwriting trying to fit between the text and the edge of the page.  Another thing was only highlighted, and that was dealing with how the Trafalmadorians viewed death, and Castiel still felt as though something was off. This wasn't right somehow. Were these things Dean would have wanted him to notice before? He just continued reading, hoping that this would all turn out normal.

                There wasn't any notes for a chapter or two, until it talked about the prayer on Billy's wall, and it was highlighted with a small sticky note: 'I'm not real religious, but you were, and this seems like a quote you'd like.' There was still something wrong, that was for sure. This didn't help solve that problem. There was more just highlighted, and then a quickly scrawled note: _"You still with me, Cas? I'm not done yet."_

                The next note wasn't until they were talking about giving the prisoners coats: _"Kinda made me think off your coat. Damn, but I'll miss it."_ It was as though Dean as saying goodbye again, and Castiel needed to close the book upon thinking that. This.... this had been the book Dean had in the hospital before he'd died. It dawned on him that maybe he had written these when he was asleep, or just out of the room. His eyes began to sting, but he continued.

                The next note was talking about the books in Trafalmadore, and Dean's note made him sigh: _"I wish we could look back at all we've done, Cas. We had some pretty crazy times, and barely any were really bad."_ The next note was when they were explaining complete darkness, and he had to stop and drink some water before continuing after it: _"I guess the only complete darkness is coming up for me, huh, Cas?"_ It seemed as though while he continued to go through the book, his notes became more and more upsetting in a way that Castiel wished he had never opened it, but then, when he read about the things in the forth dimension, he couldn't stop the tears from escaping his eyes:

                _"Wouldn't that be something? My mom always told me that angels were watching over me. Maybe you're my angel, Cas. You did always watch, but you're not in the fourth dimension, and boy and I glad about that."_

                Castiel decided that Dean was trying to kill him by writing all these things within the book. He kept on reading, though not many of the notes were very long, or some things were simply highlighter until the first picture stating that 'Everything was Beautiful, and Nothing Hurt." Dean had put a small post it next to that as well: _"Now that I think about it, this is what I hope you'll think of our relationship. Everything WAS beautiful, especially you, Cas."_

                More things were only highlighted until he read about the line separating the two camps, and another post it note was there: _"Remember that one time Sammy made a line of sticks in the backyard? We threw pillows and used slingshots to shoot out ammo. We were only ten, but damn was that fun, Cas."_

                Some things, though few, were comical, and when he read about the shiny boots: _"Don't even think about that play. I was only the prince because Sammy said I should be, and he wanted me in the play too."_

                Others were things that only made him sad, though a majority of what the book held made him sad. He had read about the Tralfalmadorians telling Billy to only think of the happy things, and ignore the unhappy, and next to it, Dean had written very neat and clearly:   _"Do this for me, Cas, please?"_

                The nest thing highlighted was just what had been engraved o the locket, and another post it was stuck there, covering the horribly drawn picture: _"Take head of this, Cas. You sure as hell can't change my passing, but you can change how you handle it. Also, this is a bad picture of any tits, and you were always better than any chick."_

                That was the last thing highlighted, and he soon finished the book, an envelope falling out of the last page. He still had a good half hour, because if he told the truth, he skipped most of the parts Dean hadn't written anything for. Castiel took a big breath and opened it, and pulled out two pictures. One was of them dancing in Spain, though who had taken it, he didn't know. The other was when they were at his junior prom, Dean's arm was around Cas's shoulders as they talked to two people you couldn't recognize. Dean looked so happy in that picture, and Castiel remembered it fondly. Even if he was moving, he had kissed Dean, and the fact that he had even been there was amazing. The last thing in the envelope was a letter, and he took it out and unfolded it, hoping it wouldn't be too long, because he didn't quite know if he could handle that.

               

_"Dear Castiel Winchester (hope you get used to that),_

_Anna and Sam both sent those to me a couple days before the accident, and I had them printed out already for our honeymoon, which I guess we won't have now, and thought I'd write this. I didn't say it a lot, but I love you. I love you more than I can put into words on this stupid piece of lined paper. Sure, it sucks that I'm dying, but I'm glad I did it protecting you instead of some stupid disease or old age. I know I did everything I could for you._

_I love you so much, now please, just be happy I was able to save you, because I would have been a shitty husband if I hadn't._

_Your husband,_

_Dean Winchester_

_Ps. I wrote you commentary on a couple other books, mostly the Vonnegut stuff, but that was way long ago. Oh, and if you don't remember, I love you, Cas."_

 

                 Castiel was sure he looked a complete mess, and he used the sleeve of his coat to wipe his eyes as he placed the photos and letters back in the envelope, placing it somewhere safe until he got home. Home. It'd been so long since he was there, that he could hardly stand it. He knew he needed to move on, though he also knew he could never do that completely. Dean was his life, but knowing that Dean loved him, wanted him to stay strong, well, Castiel had always been stubborn, so he guessed it would take more than one try to get him to do something. He was glad Dean had gotten the chance, even if he never found out.

                The plane landed, and he tried to make himself more presentable as he got off, pulling his phone out and turning it on to call Crowley to get a ride home. He needed to go home, and he needed to make sure Dean's last wishes held true. Because if they didn't, Castiel thought that he probably would have been a shitty husband too. 


End file.
